I can have incredible conversations 1-1, but those don’t occur everyday unless I’m at work.
I belong to two discussion groups. One is co-ed and one is all women. I went to the former on Tuesday night.
I introduced myself and talked about my relationship journey and then I listened attentively to all the women. It was enlightening. At this group, which is held in a home of a friend, we eat potluck style. My friend did “Breakfast for Dinner” for a theme so I made hashbrowns. They didn’t last at all.
We ate and discussed questions. I only introduced myself, then I grabbed my cast iron skillet, and put on my shoes. I enjoyed the discussion and interaction, and didn’t have the “spirit move me” so as to introject anything. My friend came over and held me for a long time.
I got a text from her the following morning.
Hey, Lady. Thanks so much for coming. Your presence is always a nice welcome. Also, my friend, ________, told me last night that she is intrigued by you. I guess she has been the past two months, although not much conversation has occurred. I think she’s pretty, not sure if she’s your style or not. She was the one with the black cool glasses and was telling _____ about the blueprints book and how people get aroused differently.
We texted back and forth for awhile and I told her to give ________ my cell number, which she did.
Hopefully, ________ will text me and we can grab a beer or meet for a walk. If not, I’ll talk to her, 1-1, on September 25th if she comes to the group. Again, I don’t force anything and want to see what unfolds free from expectations and demands. Regardless, it’s nice when someone likes you!
I want to have my book in my hands in February so that I can give it to people who will read it to children. I’d like some free marketing from other mental health professionals and giving it away (25 copies) is a good effort. Otherwise, I’ll use my website and connect with other authors in the genre.
I think that the Carpenter and Batman are at Burning Man. Thinking about being there gives me anxiety. The dirt, the noise, bringing in water, and the smells.
My ex-wife and I went to tame bluegrass festival in 2019 and realized that we were too conservative for that crowd. Multiply it by ten, and I’m sure that is what Burning Man is like.
However, the former said that he would be building my shed in the summer. There are twenty-days left of summer when he is done with Burning Man. I’d imagine it’s a day or two to drive back, and then maybe 10-hours of sleep in a bed, which puts us at September 6th probably. That means that there’s 16-days left for building a shed in the summer because you train all fall. I’ve grown tired of taking my lawn mower out from under a tarp. I need a little shed on the concrete slab.
My catio took less than two days. It scares my son’s cat, so I’m going to buy fresh cat nip and get in there with all of them. They’ll get some positive associations with it. I’ll scatter treats too.
The company swept the entirety of my porch too. I felt like they were helping me. They left cedar scraps and a few longer pieces and a lot of sheet metal. These can be used for the shed.
I think with several trips to the lumber yard my former sister-in-law could make a shed in a week for me. If she didn’t work full-time, if she wasn’t a conservator on the probate initiation for her niece and nephew who are now orphaned, and if I would even ask her. Which I wouldn’t.
Will the Carpenter wind up building me a shed? I’m incredulous.
Now, let’s talk about Batman. She has worked on our book on 2/15, 6/26 and 8/7. She said that she’d get me a page 8/8 and I emailed about it on 8/15. My email went into the ether. The lack of consistent communication is annoying and is not the way that I roll. So, I’m interviewing illustrators that I would simply pay as a one time thing with no royalties going forward (flat rate for pages) starting in October.
My best friend asked me how long I would wait for communication. I said September 30th. I also will never contact her again. When I run into her, I’ll get a great hug. That’s it. That’s fine. I’ve always been a pragmatist.
Having a table in two-days and a catio within two-days has shown me that complex work can be completed. It just has to be a priority and follow a timeline. I don’t think that I can stomach being fifty and waiting around for people who don’t prioritize working with me.
AR got the table top done in two days. She is so incredibly efficient and kind. She mortared the bottom of it and used the black grout that she had.
The artist’s tiles are handmade so their edges aren’t uniform or do they follow a straight line
I love the way that it looks near the corner of my living room window. I’m so happy about it.
I gave her a $100 check so she can spend money on my son’s cousins when they’re there for my former sister-in-law’s celebration of life. Ironically, I’ll be in NYC that weekend for my 50th birthday.
I texted back and forth for awhile with the artist. He’d done a commission of my son’s cat last year. That work hangs in my entryway. We texted about possibilities. He was touched by the tabletop and said that he was making the whole thing more complicated. He also said that he might starting thinking about simple designs for tables. I hope that I get to see him in person on September 2nd.
I’m doing so much better since I started therapy. I am connected with my former family members and not getting enflamed by things that my son is doing. I am enjoying my house slowly, but surely. Getting this table done quickly has been encouraging.
I don’t have any original family. My brother was killed in 1988 by a drunk driver. My Dad died in 2020. My Mom died in 2021. I have my son, and he doesn’t live with me. I am a Solo.
When I was staging the house a year ago–how could that have only been a year ago?–I bought two items from the Thrift Store.
One was a heavy wrought iron side table with a wicker top. The other was a table just slightly higher with an almost square tiled top, but I don’t think that the legs are solid. It’s wrought iron too and easier to heft around. Not if you lay it on it’s side with other things in a small SUV. Anyway, LA accidentally broke the tile top on the table!
Broken top
I had been gifted a tile from one of my friends from the co-ed discussion group that I attend when I’m not bowling. I hadn’t hung it; although, it has a loop embedded in the back. As he’s the artist, I paid him $100 as a retainer after asking if he could arrange it with other tiles on the table top so I could use the table.
He told me a month later that he didn’t have the executive functioning skills to get it arranged and done. When I was picking the broken top up from him, the tile broke off in two pieces which was great. Now, I had the board, which fits the table.
I went to Design Center for contractors having spoken to one of the women who worked in the tile gallery. She had lunch leftover and I had a wonderful sandwich. She didn’t have any square tiles. However, she had two large tiles that were beautiful. They’re very heavy too. One of the designers couldn’t use these anymore as the manufacturer has discontinued the tile. I got them for free!
I started thinking about design
I figured that I would check out a tile saw from the non-profit that we have in our city. I was texting off and on with my former sister-in-law about my idea for a cool table top. I mentioned that I would be using the non-profit. Her wife said that the non-profit has shitty tools. She said that she had all the things that I would need, and she’d help me make a new table top.
I’ve had to store things in my basement for almost a month!
I went over to my former sister-in-law’s house late afternoon yesterday. I gave her a giant hug. I gave her file folders which had been stored in a filing cabinet that’s in the closet in my office. The files had drawings and pictures that had been labelled by my former mother-in-law.
She said, “That’s my mother’s handwriting.” I said, “It’s all _______’s.” I told her that it would be good things for her twin’s celebration of life next month too. There were pictures of all three sisters in those files. It was emotional.
We talked for half-an-hour while her wife was getting everything ready for the project. Then her wife was super hungry so we went to dim sum. I got to know her much better at dinner. I’d met her briefly in July of 2022 when she and my sister-in-law arrived at my house to move out all of my ex-wife’s possessions. Now, I know her.
I’ll call her AR. She competent, direct, and quirky. She also is able to build and fix anything.
It was really late when we got back to their house. She started with a level and pencil. She found stored black grout. She’s making the top for me in exchange for dinner at dim sum. I’m not comfortable with that, so she’s also taking $100 and spending it on my son’s cousins. I may not be part of their family anymore, but I want their friendship and my son still considers all of them his family. Former or not, they’re wonderful humans.
It’s supposed to be one of the most stressful things. Now, that the painters are gone, I’m not feeling as much stress. However, the house is upside down.
I’d moved 13 times as a child so it’s been funny to be feeling as if I’m moving again.
I’ve lived in two different states in the Midwest when I was an undergraduate and for my first round of graduate school. During my higher education years, I moved only five times total across seven years.
My ex-husband and I moved to the state where I’m from and where I live today. After I’d finished my first graduate degree, he and I moved states and into an apartment. We lived with my parents for a month while we looked for an apartment. A year later moved into a townhouse while we worked with a realtor and then we bought this house. We lived here together for about 4-years, and he contributed to this mortgage for a year.
When I was with my ex who is an alcoholic, I was in FL about once a month. Sometimes I was gone 10-days so I felt like I was living partially in FL with her in her townhouse.
I’ve finally stopped physically moving.
However, it feels like I am, in fact, moving. I have gotten rid of a tall bookcase, three chest of drawers, a bulky end table, a nice futon and mattress, a lamp, a chrome island with a cutting board top, three high back oak bar stools, and lots of shelving. There are also many odds and ends that I’ve also let go of completely.
Now, I’m doing the work of getting kitchen items back into cupboards. If there are some items that I’ve not used in 3-years, they’re going to the thrift store. I don’t want to store things in precious cupboard space.
It’s really dirty too. Moving always is, and I’d forgotten that. I have been going through tons of dust rags and wiping grease out of corners of my freshly painted cabinets. One of the latter swelled shut and pulled off some paint. I’ll have to patch that area before I put new bumpers on all the cabinets.
I’m not sure when I’ll be done, but I’m glad that LA is coming over this morning to help me hang more art. This move is likely the last one that I’ll do unless I wind up in a hospital or some rehabilitative care.
It’s starting to get really, really old. I told the Crew Boss for painting that Thursday is the final day ever and that there are no more days for my kitchen. I had to tell them the same thing about Wednesday, the 31st, because all the painting was dragging out and I had to get furniture upstairs again. I was being driven mad.
I think that I also have to consider that July has been bizarre. I found on the 6th that my former sister-in-law was murdered. My Aunt died on the 27th; although, we knew May 3rd that given she wasn’t seeking treatment, that was a foregone conclusion.
Anyway, with these deaths, it makes living like this very difficult. This:
It’s like moving into a place that you can’t move into because there aren’t rooms that you can use. I have trouble cooking which is my daily therapy because I have to go downstairs to get skillets and the like. I also have dust and shards of paint everywhere.
Brookyln is coming over this morning to help me hang artwork in new and fresh places. She’s also going to give me feedback about arrangements. I haven’t had her over at my house in years.
That will definitely help. It’s like a barren environment here.
I told LA that she was a bad friend for not renting me a large airstream for the pets and I this month ;). I can’t wait for workers to not be at my house. I’m also excited for the end result and no longer living in a construction site.
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