I had a falling out with the group leader altogether. She blew up a date one night that I was on with my ex-GF. Eventually, my ex-GF made me write a letter to her about the situation. I wasn’t going to apologize and didn’t. I wrote the letter because my GF at the time said that I was creating friction in the friend group.
Yesterday I saw the former group leader at a conference and she told me everything going on in her life and asked nothing about me. Things never change.
She did say, however, that one of her husband’s partners was no longer friends with my ex-GF or my ex-GF’s best friend. She said that they weren’t treating her well. I’m friendly with this particular partner. Scorpio and I had a double date with her and the former group leader’s husband in April.
I took the author out to dinner last night and told her the story.
A GF is vetoed by a wife.
The GF befriends one of the husband’s partners.
Eventually, the GF and her best friend (my ex-GF) vetoes the partner.
The author told me that this experience is common.
Makes me happy that I get along with my metamour and that my GF only has he and I atm.
Didn’t seem like a lot to navigate for me last night.
The author turned 60 and had a potluck party.
The woman that I have been seeing just shy of a month (4-days) made little spears of appetizers. They had fresh mozzarella, basil, tomatoes, a tortellini, and a folded slice of salami on them. I think that she’d drizzled some olive oil on them and also a few dried herbs–she may have grown those. The author was excited about them. Although she’d probably made 40 of them, there were very few left when we departed.
I bought beer, lemon La Croix, Waterloo, and Spindrift and filled up my cooler.
My metamour was with us the whole night.
We drove up together and left together.
This particular friend group is almost all polyamorous and bisexual. So, we fit together well.
At one point someone was asking my metamour how he knew the author and he talked about his fiancée and then said, “And ______’s her girlfriend,” and nodded to me.
That gave me pause.
We got back really late to their house and she asked me if I was coming in and I said that I was. I sat in their office and we all talked for a long time while their dog hung out with us and their cat visited and also ran around the house because it was late.
Neither of them had seen “One Battle After Another,” and we made plans to watch it together on Tuesday. My girlfriend is taking me to a comedy club on Wednesday.
When I was leaving my metamour came out and said that he was going to settle in for the night. I gave him a hug and she and I continued to talk.
It was interesting because she talked directly about her fiancé referring to me as her girlfriend. I said quickly that I liked it. She was surprised. She said, “I know that you don’t want a girlfriend,” and I said, “No, I don’t want a wife. That’s not something that I want to do or will do again.”
If I learned anything from 2024 – 2025 I discovered that I really enjoy having an anchor partner.
I also told her that I find her beautiful and that I really like her a lot. She said, “I’m not nice, and you’ll see that when we’re around more people.” I find that behavior honest. I don’t like everyone and don’t go out of my way to make peace with anyone with whom I don’t have to interface.
She is nice. She texts me good morning and goodnight everyday. She knows what I am doing day to day and remembers details. She knew that I was in person for teaching last week and made me a whole lasagna. When I took her out to dinner she gave it to me. (I’ll probably eat the rest for breakfast this morning.) I had it for dinner, lunch, and my son ate some of it last night when we were all three at the birthday party.
She’s direct.
She’s loving. I had a mosquito bite below my wrist and she quickly took my arm and pierced it with her thumbnail. I can’t even feel it now. (I secretly wish she’d done the same thing on my middle finger where I have three.) The author was talking about her nephew and birthday twin who took his own life 2-years ago during her small speech in front of her cake. We had just sung to her and she thanked all of us and then began talking about her nephew. I sighed deeply, she heard it, and she quickly gave me a side hug and took my hand.
She’s matter-of-fact. That characteristic might be at least somewhat related to being a nurse. I told her that I was getting tested next weekend and would print the results and give them to her. I said that I hope that Scorpio didn’t give me anything because she said, “You should be more careful!” the last night that I talked to her and realized that we can’t be together. (I do have feelings. Feelings aren’t wrong.) And she said that she probably said that because she knew that it would get to me. I told her that if I have something we can be friends. And she said, “No way. You’re not breaking up with me because of that.” Then she directly described different barrier methods that would happen if Scorpio had given me something.
I’ve had all her STI results including her pap smear test narrative for 3-weeks.
When we start being intimate–assuming that I am fine–I’ll be monogamous. Again. In my heart I am Solo Poly and I don’t know how you work, have pets, have a house and yards, parent a little bit, have great friendships that you tend to with multiple partners. Honestly, with my starting school in two weeks, I’m unable to wrap my brain around another woman in this moment. I also can’t establish concurrently.
This relationship has been too easy for nearly a month.
I’m not used to slow, deliberate and intentional. Also, it’s interesting to meet ease with my pragmatism that I have.
I think that I’ve gained a girlfriend and a new male friend.
Last night I pulled up in front of my date’s house and she said, “Hi” while I was getting out. I handed her flowers that I arranged in a rectangular vase. All the flowers came from my yard. I didn’t realize that she was going to get in my car and was embarrassed because it’s full of gravel on the floor mats and is a little dusty. She took the flowers inside and then we were off!
The whole date was a surprise. She had left it that way.
We went to an interactive art gallery together. There was a story line for our walk through. We talked a lot though because we are so new and chatty, but we got the gist, solved the puzzle, and got wildflower seeds at the end of the exhibit.
We walked across the street to a horror themed 80s bar that had really good food.
I’m from here and had never done anything like this for a date or been to either of these places.
She planned and paid for the whole date.
When we got back to her house, I realized that there is one thing that is different about a polyamorous person who’s not solo. Their significant can come home when it’s obvious that you’re being romantic with their partner.
I acted a little bit like you would with parents coming in when you’re in high school. Then it was ok and I mostly adjusted.
I think that it will be better for me next weekend when we all go out together for the author’s 60th birthday party.
I won’t have time to date until next June. So, it’s going to be a very long period of my establishing with her. I think too that having several concurrent relationships will be difficult until years from now because I don’t have much time to dedicate to partners. My time is spoken for with my jobs and I don’t like doing anything poorly.
It’s been really nice to go slowly with a woman too. I have needed this pacing again.
I went slow in 2024, but that relationship felt like work to me and I wasn’t getting needs met. It was a good post-divorce relationship.
I was leaving and she always walks me out when I do so. I was asking her what her fiancé calls her and she told me–I’d never call her the same term of endearment. He sometimes calls her Babe too, and I’ll avoid that one too. I settled on Sweetheart and she’s so flexible that it was immaterial to her. She told me that it would be weird if I called her fiancé, Daddy, and we both laughed about that one.
It’s always hard for me to completely leave her. I was talking about how she has shown up in her previous relationships and she called herself getting over being a “fixer.” I told her that she was in luck in that I don’t need any work, live alone and love that (I think that my son is finally moving out forever in December.), and do all my own things. And she said, “Yes, but we can have the nurse in the office with the doctor.” I laughed and then it gave me pause. I liked that. A lot. And found it hot. I stopped laughing and looked at her across the street and told her that I’d have to think about that prospect all night.
A teammate sent me an IG about bowling being ruined. It was long. It is like a documentary and features Alhambra Valley Bowling Alley and also clips of the CEO of the Lucky Strike Corporation.
We had league last night in a bowling alley that looks a lot like the one that I learned to bowl in when I was 8-years-old without the overhead projectors used for hand scoring and the Tempest video game.
We were there because our alley where we’ve bowled most seasons was closed.
The HVAC has been problematic there for at least 2-years. Lately, it’s been in the mid-80s in the alley and it gets like a sauna because it was remodeled to encourage standing and drinking with little room and weirdly oversized vinyl seating around the ball return.
I’m worried that what they’re doing isn’t fixing the broken AC, but rather installing strings to the pins.
Modern bowling alleys look a lot like bars with sensory overload or a casino–you also don’t have a classic pinsetter.
There are wires attached to the pins which theoretically set them faster.
When we bowled at an alley in a suburb last week as our team has summer passes, the wires kept failing over and over to set the pins at all, so we had to find an employee to set them the OG way by going behind back of the lane and performing some manual tasks.
I learned in the IG documentary that these wires also decrease the possibility of throwing a strike by 30%.
I personally have to throw my ball in a slightly different area of the lane to get strikes and can do it now, but I don’t like the wires.
I’m hoping that it’s not one-thousand degrees in the alley next Monday and they’ve just added the wires.
I’m thinking about dedicating some work in my blog to things that I miss. Classic pinsetters is one thing.
Another thing is that I don’t like my Voice over Internet Protocol phones. I miss my landline like crazy.
Does anybody have opinions about dark bowling alleys with large screen TVs distracting your game and wired pins?
On Friday, my new love interest and I walked to a venue that makes really excellent Cajun food and listened to a local band. We talked at length too. I have learned a lot about her childhood and growing up.
She had on expensive jeans, and her hair was perfect and flowing. I can’t believe the way that she can get her waves and curls to land. I know that she doesn’t use any heat on it, so it’s surprising. She had on a tank top that had a diamond opening just below her suprasternal notch and wore a diamond necklace on a silver chain below the tank top. Her eyes are a really dark blue and have some green near the pupil. They’re huge. I learned on Friday that she’s Greek. It’s funny, but I often get misread as Greek too.
At about 10:45 she said that we had to go. She’s funny and gets really worried about my sleep. She also gets worried about how much I work. It’s endearing. It’s not in a bossy way, but it’s more like a manner in which she wants to be supportive. I like it, which is odd.
I don’t like getting help with anything. I do like being cared for and tended to, but not with nuts and bolts of my life. I have that stuff on lock.
Last night my son pulled himself away from his monitor and gaming system. He and I had dinner together. My love interest had put dried herbs from her garden in little jelly jars for me and I slightly seared some dried dill and put it on potatoes. I had also sauteed some mini red sweet peppers. Although it’s super hot, we ate kielbasa and sauerkraut. The latter seemed fitting for the weather.
We talked about my new love interest.
I told him that I had met my metamour. I really like him. He’s sweet and I know that we’ll have good conversations because he’s smart.
My son said, “Finally someone who’s actually poly, Mom!”
I reminded him that I met my GF before Scorpio in a Polyamorous Women’s Discussion Group.
He scoffed at that.
I do think now looking back that she’s most interested in her daughter being supported. I think that dating a man or woman in her 30s would be a good idea for that scenario fulfillment.
Then he said something interesting about Scorpio. He said, “She’s polyamorous when it suits her.”
That gave me a ton of pause.
My whole thing with breaking up with her was that she wouldn’t talk about going dark on me for a day. I didn’t want an apology. I wanted to talk it through because it didn’t feel good and hurt my feelings. Her level of defensiveness was unreal and she was volatile and mean. That would never work. I do think that when you’re being authentic, you have some conflict. It needs to be resolved without deflecting responsibility and truly hearing your impact.
And my son said that Nightingale was simply monogamous, which is true.
I love that my current love interest and her fiancé are so stable. They have the ability to travel and do whatever they want and have a nice home. I don’t know how long they’ll live here, and I hope that they stay for at least a couple of years. The impact is that it’s easy to date her. She’s just looking for some enhancement of her life and isn’t lacking anything in her partnership.
A woman who is also a nurse, but in a completely different specialty and role than Nightingale is, started DMing me in the app last week.
We had great banter and it wasn’t overly flirtatious like Nighingale’s and mine became. We popped on a phone call that night after I taught class on Zoom.
We had an hour-and-a-half conversation.
Yesterday, we bowled three games (It was pretty polluted with wildfire smoke for a walk.), played skeeball and the basketball shot game, and went to eat BBQ. Well, I ate a ton of food. She isn’t a big eater.
We get along really easily and she’s not like women who I’ve dated.
We made plans to see each other on Friday and I’m going very, very slow this time around. Scorpio and Nightingale were the opposite of that approach, and neither wound up the way in which I thought that they would. I am going to try everything that I can given that we get along well to build something with intention.
She’s shorter than I am and voluptuous. She also is VERY put together. No one would read her presentation as bisexual.
At this point in time, some women who had girlfriends before they got married and had kids want to date women again. It’s a whole cultural zeitgeist. I think that some of it has to do with Andrew Tate and his platform which promotes misogyny and violence, and I think that the rest has to do with accepting bisexuality to some degree in many parts of the country.
This particular new love interest is solidly bisexual and has been dating women for a couple of years, but not yet found a girlfriend.
She’s engaged to be married. I looked back at my writing to see when that became something that I thought would be a good idea for me. I couldn’t find a specific entry. It has been difficult for me to establish concurrently, and also find a woman who does polyamory the same way that I do.
I also like that their house is about a 2.5-mile bike ride away from mine.
Her fiancé looks so sweet.
Case in point is that legacy landlines have ended in most parts of the US with the exception of FL and CA, and I had to try to set up my VOIP in my kitchen and dining area and couldn’t. Mine, I think anyway, wound up also needing to be ethernet connected to my modem. However, when it was giving me fits for a couple of days he offered to come over to my house and set it up.
I told Hockey yesterday on the phone that maybe if things keep working out that they can be a little bit like family members to me.
That’s not appealing to me because I want to stay in my house with my space and cadence. In my heart I am Solo Poly and in my execution at this moment in time, I am ambiamorous.
However, sometimes because many of my friends are heavy drinkers, live many urban miles from me, or are still doing heavy parenting that limits their free time, I get really lonely. It would be amazing to have a girlfriend who had another partner who was willing to help me with sheetrock, spot me on a ladder, and also socialize with me. The arrangement makes me think of a defacto family. I’m excited to meet him!
Yesterday, my new love interest put fresh dill, green onions, and mint in small jelly jars, picked me tomatoes of various sizes, and harvested a small eggplant and yellow scallop squash. I’m going to cook the latter tonight so I can have some good food at work tomorrow.
Her fiancé picked a sunflower and put it on top of the arrangement in the bag that was flat with ribbon handles. I love that he wants her to have a GF. At this moment, he only has one partner, and my love interest doesn’t interphase with her because it’s a limited and short-term relationship that he has with her.
My new love interest is on call on Friday, so we pivoted and are going to hang out for a bit at her house. Her fiancé has a date and will be back late evening.
I can’t wait to meet their cat and hope that their dog isn’t obnoxious. Assuming that we eventually get there–maybe in the fall–she’ll have to spend nights at my house, because there is a basement roommate in the downstairs apartment. I don’t think that appeals to me. I also don’t think that overnights are something that I want when a fiancé is in another bedroom. I guess that I’ll see.
For now, I’m going very, very slow. I would really like to have a GF with whom we can build something more lasting.
One’s 12th House is the house of secrets, sorrows and self-doubting. Some people refer to it as an unconscious and spiritual house. It’s also one of karma and spiritual debt (Woolfolk, 2001). (I want to know more about karmic doctrine generally.)
This house is also related to being able to discover life’s meaning (Woolfolk, 2001).
I remember when I first completed my chart recently that when I saw my Sun there, I thought that was probably interesting. Meaning that some of my being Virgo is private and maybe related to shadow work.
My Mars placement is also there, which is a personal planet, and its position forms a Conjunction with my Sun Sign.
Finally, my Pluto is there, which has some interesting aspects as well.
A stellium is several planets vying within a specific chart placement.
When your Sun Sign appears in your 12th House you’re said to be private generally and only have a few people with whom you’re close. Because of that, you have tendencies to lead a secluded and lonely life (Woolfolk, 2001).
Also related is that when you have your Sun Sign here is that you’re often successful late in life and have deep spiritual understanding (Woolfolk, 2001).
I have always liked being a Virgo. I’m analytical and like to see what I’ve done wrong so I’m better able to do well and make improvements. My birthday is in the third decanate which makes me more influenced by Venus generally being more warm hearted and demanding with attention. I also am on the cusp of Libra which makes my personality one of attention getting. My vitality and likability means that working with the public brings success. My depth of feeling with a lover is not surface level (Woolfolk, 2001).
My Mars conjuncts my Sun here and gives me courage, liveliness and strong powers of concentration (Woolfolk, 2001).
Pluto is a cool planet that wasn’t discovered until 1930 and it’s associated with seeing things in a brand new way and new light. Pluto can bring change and can bring up themes in your subconscious. Mine is in Libra and it entered here when the Vietnam war ended and the Watergate era shrouded the United States. I like too that homosexual rights were beginning in this era as well. Libra’s influence here seeks cooperation and harmony and unforeseen problems in relationships (Woolfolk, 2001).
I’m going to simply quote this section in the main text that I’ve been using for my chart:
Pluto (Planet of Transformation) in the 12th House Woolfolk, 2001
“You have a compelling desire to understand, to see deeply into philosophical questions. There may be a secret sex involvement in your life. You are a private person and don’t share your emotions easily. Good point: profound imagination. Bad point: may hide feelings of anger or resentment.”
I feel like my chart ends on a high note. I also think that because it’s my last house, that gives lots of teeth behind the fact that I’ve been a slow developer. I’ll probably go back to my love life for writing soon and like that I researched more than just my Sun, Moon and Ascendent before I had a first date with a woman who seems to be a solid romantic prospect.
I’ll write a little bit about my Houses 9 & 10, but my 11th House has my Venus placement so it’s more important in my chart.
My Saturn placement is in my 9th House. There isn’t anything else in that House. My Saturn is in Cancer, which like most of my chart is a water sign.
Saturn is the planet of responsibility and hard work. Those things are just me, so I knew that there had to be some importance in this house.
Also, the 10th House is that of Mental Exploration, which checks out because I love learning and researching.
A Saturn placement in this House means that I am contemplative and exhibit a desire to learn. The good point is that I have idealistic principles, and somehow I’ve overcome this position of the planet in my chart because there are usually obstacles and limitations in receiving an education (Woolfolk, 2001).
A Saturn placement here means that I overindulge–like in food and sex (Woolfolk, 2001). That’s maybe not wrong. It also means that I can see a task through completion and that I’m ambitious (Woolfolk, 2001). Again, that checks out. I was blown away that Saturn Cancerians often have to take on parental tasks at a young age–my mother was significantly disabled, so I helped a ton at home and with her too.
Like most people, my midheaven appears in my 10th House, which is the House of Career. (The midheaven can appear in the 9th through 11th houses, but my placement is most common.)
My career has been so important to me. I found this information from the software spot on as well. I’m simply going to quote it.
“Your work generates a sense of wellbeing in others. You career may run the gamut from banking to creative design, but you always have an impact on people’s lives. You offer comfort, security, emotional appeal and have a talent for touching the public’s heart. Happily, your skills are also financial. You pour brilliant imagination into moneymaking projects. You nurture what you create and make it grow into a booming enterprise” Woolfolk, 2008
Now, it’s my super complicated albeit accurate Venus placement.
My Venus is in Virgo, which is also my Sun Sign. (Venus moves into Virgo starting on Tuesday btw.)
There isn’t anything in my 11th House except my Venus placement.
The 11th House is the House of Friends, Hopes and Wishes.
This house is associated with long-term dreams and goals. It represents working together harmoniously with each individual illustrating his or her individual personality. This position is also one of organizations or clubs (Woolfolk, 2001). For some reason I was thinking about my teammates and also colleagues here.
Venus in Virgo are warned to be cautious about falling in love. Often the heart is given to the wrong person who will not appreciate the fine qualities. This placement is regarded for people who are intelligent, loyal and sympathetic (Woolfolk, 2001).
So, I have an Opposition, a Square, and thankfully a Sextile in my Venus.
An Opposition is thought of as a challenge to growth and achievement, and mine is with my Jupiter placement which is in Pisces. Given extreme feelings that I have I can become unhappy with love affairs (Woolfolk, 2001). The way that I’m dealing with this issue now post-divorce is when I have stumbling blocks that are not able to be addressed, I exit. That has been better than all the years that I’ve spent previously trying to fix something that just isn’t working.
A Square is challenging and stressful and if addressed a person can develop drive and strength of character.
My Venus squares with my Neptune placement which is in Sagittarius. This aspect is associated with disappointment in love, being victimized in relationships and difficulty making decisions (Woolfolk, 2001). I can see all of these features in past relationships. Since my divorce, I don’t tolerate being treated poorly. I want to seek mutually beneficial and health love relationships.
A Sextile is a harmonious and favorable aspect in a chart.
My Venus forms a Sextile with my Saturn which was illuminated in this entry. Again, my Saturn is in Cancer.
My Venus placement here as it corresponds to my Saturn suggests constructive influence in business partnerships and being serious and faithful in love (Woolfolk, 2001). And that’s true. I can’t establish relationships concurrently, have stuck out really bad experiences in long relationships, and what I say I am doing is always what I do with love.
I haven’t mentioned her yet because our first date is tomorrow. And she has a beautiful Venus placement. Hers has two Sextiles and a Conjunction. It appears in her First House too. Is it possible that I have found a teacher in serious and faithful love?
Stay tuned. I only have one more House to write about now.
Jupiter is the planet of luck. Mine is in Pisces. It appears as the only planet in my 5th House. There are two aspects: one positive (Trine with Saturn), and one negative (Square with Neptune).
House Five is the House of Creativity and Sex.
If your Jupiter appears in your 5th House it means that you enjoy recreation. As it is the only planet in my 5th house, it means that I am lucky in speculation. I can be indiscreet in my love affairs, love my children, and can be extravagant at times. Some of that seems accurate for my life (Woolfolk, 2001).
Again, I have some empty houses which follow House 5.
House 6 is the house of Service and Health. It’s associated with overall health and also relationships at work (Woolfolk, 2001). Luckily these life tasks have been good for me and uncomplicated.
House 7 is the House of Partnership and Marriage. It’s not shocking that it’s empty. I’ve had two and really would prefer to never do something adjacent again.
House 8 is the House of Death and Regeneration. I found it odd that it was empty. I have some strange abilities with foresight and have had many deaths in my lifetime. There were some of great significance too.
There isn’t a ton going on in these Houses in my Western Zodiac chart.
Therefore, in this entry I can mention some generic astrology background which I have gathered.
Astrology predates astronomy as scientists began to notice that babies born in certain times, seasons, and even during events like a full moon behaved in similar ways. Astrologers often employed a map of the sky and divided it into 12 sections, or houses, to determine which planets were pronounced in a person’s chart and also to divide a life into specific tasks.
House 2 is the house of Money and Income.
I simply have Neptune and a Node here.
The node means that the moon crossed there when I was born. It was in Sagittarius at that time where my Neptune is also.
The placement means that I’m intellectual and care about humanity. Neptune in your House 2 means that you’re both intuitive and imaginative with making money (Woolfolk, 2001).
I have certainly found a way to make what would be two salaries on my own and have kept my house. Objects that I collect only have value to me and I’m unmaterialistic. I’m generous to people in need and am indifferent in general about money (Woolfolk, 2001).
Uranus forms a sextile with Pluto in my chart here. It’s important for me as Scorpio is pronounced in my chart. The placement said that occult traits are used positively (Woolfolk, 2001).
Case in point.
House 3 is the House of Communication. It’s related to your family ties, daily travel and self-expression.
It makes sense that mine is empty. By the time I was 47 I had no members of my family of origin. I get around simply. My Mercury is in my first house–where there is also a stellium–so it’s not as important to be part of my communication because it’s in the forefront.
House 4 is the House of Home.
Again, makes sense that it’s empty.
I moved 13 times before my parents got a house changing schools too. My relationship with my parents could be complicated, and was definitely so with my father always. It also has to do with an emotional and physical space which you call home, and with two marriages and problems with my son blowing up in my house where I’ve been 24-years that makes sense too. The cool thing about mine being empty is that this house also signifies where you age and close out your life (Woolfolk, 2001). I definitely have small and big plans there.
I had written before that Scorpio found a book on colors and three primary adjectives for all 365 birthdays in the art museum we were in. Mine were Researcher, Healer and Seductive.
I’m going to employ the first one for a week.
I’m going to write about my zodiac chart.
Previously, I only had looked at my Sun, Moon, and Ascendent (Rising) Signs. When I was dating Scorpio she felt fascinated by all the empty houses in her chart, so I started thinking, “What’s up with houses anyway?”
There are 12 houses which astrologers used to divide the sky, and they are the degree to which the earth was with respect to the sun when and where you were born. According to astrologers, each house divides your life into categories.
According to a source that I have by Woolfolk, your first house is the House of Self and is your most powerful house. And what is there encompasses the most important placements in your chart. She also writes that the First House is a lens for your chart as it filters everything else.
I was blown away looking at my chart yesterday because my Moon, which is in Scorpio, is in my first house. I knew that had to be important. I have a DK Parker’s Astrology book that a previous workout partner gave me, so I read about that placement.
So, what does it mean if your Moon Sign falls in your first house?
Apparently, if you’re Moon is in your First House you have an urge to care for people. That made my worries about my son and his choices seem validated. Additionally, I have chosen a career in mental health so that checked out too.
Moon placement involves your reactions and responses. People with a Scorpio Moon have feelings directly on tap anyway, and that’s always true of me. The energy is also physical and has determination and the instinct to achieve.
Scorpio Moons in the First House are intuitive, imaginative and remember your childhood with nostalgia. Weaknesses are that you can dissipate energy, be moody and oversensitive. I like to see that as me being emo. Strengths are that you’re receptive, romantic and curious (Woolfolk, 2006).
So, there are Conjunctions, Trines, Oppositions, Sextiles and Squares which are the aspects of planets to the degree to which they were apart during the time that you were born in charts too. Some of these aspects are favorable and others are unfavorable (Woolfolk, 2006).
My Moon in Scorpio has an aspect with my Venus which is in Virgo that forms a Sextile. A Sextile are planets which are 60 degrees apart. That means that I am affectionate, light hearted, artistic, and love beauty (Woolfolk, 2006).
My Moon in Scorpio also has two Trines. In charts, that position is the most favorable aspect. It means that you have planets which are 120 degrees apart. (I should mention that 44% of my chart is in water, which I found so telling because I have had romantic relationships mainly with water signs.) These two Trines and with water placements in my chart. I have Jupiter in Pisces and Saturn in Cancer. The former suggests that I am optimistic and that I have a friendly personality. I also that I have good business sense and I enjoy travel and literature. The latter suggest that I am diplomatic, ambitious and that my overall nature is conservative. I am thorough when dealing with problems and patient (Woolfolk, 2006).
You’re ascendent is always in your First House and mine is in Libra. My Mercury is in my First House and it’s also in Libra. The themes are that I make lists of pros and cons with every decision and can change my mind. It also means that I like socializing with people. This placement Squares Saturn though… Squares are challenging and stressful and when they can be overcome, resilience is possible. I certainly can be blunt and abrupt 😳I also have a Conjunction in Mercury, which is powerful, so it’s typically beneficial, but not necessarily. It’s simply the most powerful aspect. My Mercury conjuncts my Uranus, which suggests a talent for scientific thinking but that I am stubborn and eccentric (Woolfolk, 2006).
All these things in my First House form a stellium. It’s like waring planet placements. They’re gathered together in one area of the zodiac and can form conjunctions (Parker & Parker, 2001).
I think that because there are so many planets in my first house that is why people misread me as having the Fire element in my chart. I really have an overall deficit. However, my First House is busy with waring planet placements. I do find that I do best when I ponder solutions for a long period of time, find people fascinating, am odd and do better when I’m reflective rather than quickly speaking my mind.
Last night I took my ex-husband out to dinner. I have not spoken with him much since February of 2025.
Last Groundhog Day, I had him look after our son that evening because I had concert tickets. As is consistent with some types of college age kids, our son experimented with concentrated marijuana–it’s called a dab–and way too much acid. He cried most of the day and kept telling me that I was lying to him and that he’d broken his brain.
My ex-husband drank 7 beers that night. I had stopped drinking altogether and didn’t get triggered by alcohol so I had a six-pack in my beverage cooler area of the refrigerator. I was keeping those around for friends who come over to my house when I make them dinner–I do that all of the time for loved ones. I had told my ex-husband that he could have the Christmas Ale that was there and to be sure to eat the lasagna that I’d left for him too because the ale had high ABV. I never said anything about the six-pack.
He drank everything (7 beers total), triggered the shit out of our son, and was acting bizarre.
Two-weeks later I told him via phone that he has always been an alcoholic. I told him that he needs full treatment. I never spoke to him again. He said, like he always says, that he needs individual therapy and he was going to do it this time. He never has addressed anything. I know that will never happen. I was with the guy 11-years, and married to him for 9. (Just an aside that he’s the only man I’ve ever been with. I’ve kissed two guys including him.)
I used to be in touch with both of my former mother-in-laws. They generally loved me. Because my ex-spouses are the dreamer types they also were glad that their kids married me. I’m not given to anything dreamy or prone to fantasy. I’m always pragmatic.
Anyway, my ex-husband’s mother is starting to decline. I can just tell via text. My son told me that when he called her a few weeks ago for her birthday that she repeated things over and over. Last night I learned that her brother (my ex-husband’s uncle) has early onset dementia.
I talked about his mother and he said that she was fine in person when he saw her in 2024.
He said that he knows that he needs to visit them seasonally.
He acknowledged that he’s unable to make plans.
It’s ok. Those things are not my business at all. Now that my son drives and I bought him a car and insure it, nothing will ever happen again. My son won’t need him for anything.
And this dinner wasn’t transactional. I just knew that it was time that I had some manner of relationship with him again. I’ve known him 32-years. And he has never been able to set a goal or really make any decisions of any kind. That won’t change. Nor does it change that I have his DNA in my brain because we had a child together. I had to get over myself and my anger towards him.
He’s been with his partner for a few years now and they live together. He described parallel play that they engage in. He doesn’t seem happy or unhappy with her. I can imagine that many more years will pass by for him and there won’t be anything that has changed.
We did, however, laugh a ton.
I told him about breaking up with my GF in May and the following morning being in a pool of my own blood on the floor given the difficulty of a restraint that I had to complete for the safety of a youth.
I told him about the old dating app that I used to use and the conversation that I had about race and racism with a person who was using his ex-wife’s identity on a lesbian only service and let him read the bizarre text conversation thread. That whole exchange could be written with some backstory and be an episode or a limited series comedy.
We laughed and it was such an easy dinner. The only obstacle was that the Sudanese restaurant is closed only on Wednesdays and I forgot completely that we have a good Thai restaurant now close to the high school in the neighborhood, so we wound up driving to a suburb to eat at one that is authentic. It was fine. We got a table; although, it was packed.
I had a great time with him. Basically, I grew up with him. He’s the same as I remember him as a teenager. I met him when I was 19 or 20 and he was 18. Honestly, he really hasn’t changed much at all.
I’m so glad that I took him out to dinner.
His binge drinking and overall alcoholism won’t affect me or our son.
I was thinking about transactional relationships generally after dinner.
I had gone over to visit Nightingale one night this month and asked her out of the blue if she was using me for sex.
She paused a long time and said, “I was at first.”
Now that she’s decided that I create an obstacle or perhaps distraction to her finding her life partner that’s really what our thing was. She spent most of the month mad at me because I don’t date someone and state, “You’re going to be my life partner.” I don’t think that stance is real.
For example, I thought that Scorpio and I would travel together forever. I knew that she wants to live with someone again eventually and given that she was almost always talking about her ex-BF I just kept assuming that she would reconcile with him and that would be who she lived with. I would have been so fine with that scenario too. He sounded cool. She and I still could’ve travelled together and I like male metamours.
That didn’t work out. If I had feelings that didn’t match hers, she told me that my feelings didn’t make sense. I had to break up with her.
Prior to Scorpio, I dated another woman for a year who had a young child. This day a year ago I had blogged about a date that she and I had that she completely planned and paid for. Although we had been dating for 10-months at that time, this was the only date in which she had done that. Our relationship was transactional and I got very little out of our relationship. Seems like it was a soft onboarding to relationships in general after my divorce.
Maybe dating is often transactional.
I want to communicate and be myself in relationships.
I couldn’t do that with the woman that I dated after my divorce. In fact, I wouldn’t go on very many dates with a woman now who said that she’s not a sexual person. It shuts off all my physical touch needs that I have. I used to have to ask her to rub my legs or play with my hair. And she was good at it! It never would’ve occurred to her to touch me unsolicited.
Scorpio told me once that she wanted a BF who would fly her to Pfish concerts all over the nation. That would’ve been transactional. Our relationship was uncomplicated. I made her dinner midweek and we talked and connected and then spent one night together every weekend after a proper date doing something specific.
Nightingale wanted to travel with a woman right before her knee surgery. It turned out that her previous replacement wasn’t ready enough to go to CA, so she decided a mountain cabin was fine. After some time together and a little travel, she decided that I’m not worth having around.
I think that if I understand the playbook with women who I date, that I’m flexible.
I had an intense experience which was connected and full of chemistry that burned out completely.
She did it for me too. Nightingale was the delegate.
Since she left the cabin on the 15th late at night our texting was scant and we didn’t talk on the phone ever again until yesterday: the 19th.
Last night when I called her at her request she sounded oddly formal and told me that the local anesthetic that her surgeon had given her would wear off the following day (today). She indicated that was when her pain management would begin getting real.
Nightingale has another brand-new knee. She’ll be healing now and her not-quite-three-month-old other knee still swells a whole bunch when she walks around on it. I’d imagine that sometime in the spring things will feel healed.
She proposed a boundaried friendship.
She told me that she knew that I’d be fine with occasional sex here and there.
It’s true that I didn’t have any expectations of her.
I like helping people out when they have needs.
She and I had a solid connection and undeniable chemistry. When she wasn’t unloading on me suddenly, it was seamless. I think that I have a higher toleration for that behavior anyway given my work and also some of my relationships. I know that flying off the handle isn’t about me.
She told me that she doesn’t want any of my help during her recovery. I’d imagine that she feels vulnerable with her knee elevated all the time and walking 10-minutes every hour for a couple of weeks.
Regardless, boundaried friendship is a strange term.
I told her that we were never friends, so although I couldn’t really say quickly how I felt in the moment, I’d be more inclined to reach out to her when and if it made sense.
I told her that when we left it at the cabin I was going to check in on her in the morning and at night as I’d been doing. My texts were pretty cursory. I’m glad that she asked me to call her last night.
This morning, I realize that I may not even be to wish her a happy birthday in November via text.
From her perspective I delay her finding her one. The woman who is perfect for her and wants to move into her house and blend finances. She bought her house with an ex-wife 7-years ago, and many women have lived in it with her including the ex-wife who she was married to for 1-2 years.
I have married, cohabited and blended finances before. The last time ended only 4-years ago, which Nightingale said was a long time ago and that I am ready to move on because the relationship was short (We were together 9-years.).
In fact, in a few weeks, I’d have been married 28-years to my ex-husband. We were married 8/98 – 3/08. I was married to my ex-wife 5/14 – 9/22.
When we were driving back from the urban lake hike last Wednesday Nightingale asked me if I’d remarry. I said, “I don’t think that I want to.”
I realize now that I believe that I have spent more years married than she has.
Her daughter’s other mother and she were in a domestic partnership, and it seems to have lasted only through the time that her daughter was 4 or 5. I don’t know how many years they were together before Nightingale got pregnant. Her only marriage was 7-years ago and lasted 1-2 years. She also isn’t single long ever. I heard so many different women’s names when she would share about her life. I’m a good listener, so she certainly talked more about herself and filled the air much more than I anyway.
Nightingale helped me feel better about Scorpio.
The trajectory of 17-days was always hers. I never initiated sex once. I just showed up and was my normal, attentive self. I never made a promise to her that I didn’t intend to keep.
I also won’t ever think that you should rush living with someone and blending your lives. She asked far fewer questions about me and made lots of assumptions.
I hope that she can find exactly what she’s looking for in a long-term and lifetime partner.
For my part, I’ll keep seeing women as it makes sense and I feel passion. I don’t have an end game. I also have never stopped believing that it takes a year to get to know someone well.
I’ve had three sexual partners since my divorce. I waited over two-years to have sex with anyone.
After this fire, I have realized that I’m comfortable in many different relationship structures. It will be interesting to see what transpires going forward.
I’m glad to have clarity today. I’m also going to use my vacation time remaining to address things that I want to before I start my other two jobs and begin taking classes.
I know that I’m intense, and it’s been better generally when I have dated women who were equally so or got fired up about things occasionally. That way my energy matches well with a romantic partner.
Monday I got up to the cabin early afternoon and connected for about an hour with Nightingale. I had to head into town to get a couple of groceries that I’d forgotten. I came back and Nightingale had out olives, cheese, fruit and some other things, which was sweet. I got a salad completed and put it on the table and then made the pasta.
Nightingale told me that she was hanging onto something.
It was about my best friend.
When I was in my mid-twenties and new to this career we had a friend group who were also all early career.
One of the members of this group was visiting from CA and her trip dates were migrating all over the map which was frustrating. I cancelled some plans that I had too, but had promised her that I’d see her.
Finally, my best friend said that she’d host a pizza party for this mutual friend. I made a salad.
I asked Nightingale to accompany me because I thought that she was leaving for Northern CA the following day–it turned out that she couldn’t because of her knee swelling.
Anyway, what she said that she was hanging onto was that she had an awful time there.
My best friend was being cold and strange. And the experience was pretty awkward generally.
Nightingale said that I didn’t have her back, that I behaved badly, and that I should’ve gotten her out of there quickly.
That’s an overreach. I didn’t abandon her. And that she brought it up many days later is a difficult way to have conflict.
Anyway, I didn’t even want to eat, so having not even brought in my suitcase, I decided to go. I took my pasta dish and headed out on the dirt road to get to the highway. She called me a few minutes later and seemed less volatile, so I drove back and we talked it out.
Nightingale slept upstairs and I slept downstairs.
I hiked the following day.
I hiked the creek initially and it was moderately steep, and then after I did so at elevation and saw the creek from below I walked to the other side of the trailhead and started this hike (pictured above). It was very pretty and peaceful. It didn’t really rain as there is severe drought in the majority of the West–in fact, only in the area of ID where I was last month is lacking drought currently–but, I decided that I would be best to finish up where I had originally hiked.
I was planning to go back here
I headed down the rocky trail (the first picture) and a guy and a girl were heading up. Only the guy greeted me and I noticed his nice and piercing blue eyes. After that brief greeting I walked a little longer when a small distance in front of me a blur crossed over. Then I saw a little cub, which was cute.
I froze.
They both crossed over the rocky path and began scaling the hillside on my left. I backed up and stepped several steps to my right.
Then the mother saw me and stared. She was 40-yards away.
I could hear my heart beating in my ears and all the blood was rushing to my temples. My neck was shaking as the blood was coursing through my body to my brain and extremities.
I stood completely still and didn’t avert my gaze.
She got out of my view and went up the hill and huge rocks started falling onto the trail. I walked sideways a bit more and could see that she was throwing them with her back feet. I kept sidestepping and then as she was busy throwing rocks, I thought that now was a good time for me to completely leave the trail and go back to the creek. I walked sideways for a minute or so and then because there wasn’t a trail and I didn’t want to fall, I went back to the rocky trail. I looked up. I stood silently. I couldn’t see or hear her. I ran like hell and was back to the trailhead in a flash. I’ve never run that hard. I also have never seen a bear before. And this situation included two bears in the worse scenario given a mother’s protection.
I’ve hiked many hundreds of miles. This was my first scary wildlife encounter.
I drove into town to get cellphone signal and talked on the phone with Hockey.
I didn’t want to take bear energy into the cabin given how touchy Nightingale is in general.
After a good talk with Hockey, I drove back to the cabin.
I told her that I was back an hour early because I had an encounter with a mother bear and cub. She told me that it was good that I wasn’t in Yellowstone or Glacier, because if I had been that would’ve been a grizzly, and I’d be dead. Regardless, it was scary.
Nightingale had made a roast with potatoes and carrots. It was really good. I said, “This is lovely. Have you ever made something this fabulous and someone pours ketchup all over it instead of tasting it?”
WWIII ensued.
To her I was controlling someone’s enjoyment of food that doesn’t have to do with me.
I do think that as an adult you have the chance to enjoy one bite of something if you simply try.
I told her that I was going downstairs and I packed up and started showering off the hike and the bear.
I only feel comfortable writing that she had a crisis. I know because I work with episodes all the time at work.
And because I know what to do, I tended to her for about 3-hours and she was fine and was able to sleep soundly. I went downstairs that night and slept solidly for hours having a bear encounter and then having my shit jumped again by a woman going through way too many moving parts at the moment.
The next day was fine and we walked roughly the same distance that I had hiked solo the day before; however, we were on an urban trail with panoramic views of mountains along a huge lake.
I picked up takeout Japanese food for us that night, brought it back to the cabin, and she wanted me to watch “Ted Lasso,” which has been recommended to me for years by various people. I think that I watched 3-4 episodes with her. Then she started cleaning up so I helped and then I went back to the tv because she asked me to start another episode. I could hear her packing up food so I said that I’d wait until she was done. I paused the show.
When she was done she said that because tomorrow was her last day before her next surgery that she wanted to be home, sleep in her own bed and wake up for a full day at home. I told her that made a lot of sense to me. I loaded her car. She hugged and kissed me in the house and I said that I’d walk her outside too. She kissed me again when I was talking to her before she drove away on the dirt road.
I called Hockey and we talked a long time. She and I talk everyday.
Nightingale texted me that night when she got to her house.
The following morning, I did as she asked. I addressed the final things in the property rental and sent a DM in the app for us. Then I texted her that I was leaving and texted her when I got to my driveway (not my garage).
Yesterday, I got home and my son had the garage blocked and the housecleaners were here. It was all pretty typical. I have a good vacation and come home to something chaotic or unpredictable which impacts my transition. The good thing was that I had a massage at 3. I was able to tell my massage therapist about the bears and I wrote a draft with some of this material in it when I came home. It was nice to be in a clean house. I slept well all night.
Whew.
I’m no stranger to any of these dynamics with women. She reminds me of a previous GF that I had in my 30s and also reminds me of my ex-wife in terms of seething for days about things that she spins on without talking about them. I also know that because of what she’s gone through in her life that talk therapy isn’t going to cut it and has the chance to be counterproductive. I’ve told her which modality I think that she should switch to after she’s recovered and can walk now that she’ll have two new knees.
Anyway, I am making the responsible choice and not mixing any romance between us going forward.
Nightingale says over and over how she’s seeking her long-term partner. That effort will be better when she’s addressed some of the things going on in her body.
Yesterday she told me her surgery time. I’ve texted her about good energy, healing vibes and other things. I won’t ever say or text anything adjacent to dating going forward. I’m willing and able to run some errands, chat in person or on the phone, and drop off meals or specific food craving things during her recovery. That’s it. There are some intense things that I can’t engage in anymore at this stage of my life.
My dog has some spinal problems so she doesn’t know if she’s pooping. She’ll be 15 in September at the end of summer. She hasn’t been able to take walks really anymore. She was into and completed a super short one–two blocks–yesterday after I bathed her at a Mom and Pop pet shop.
Her back hips are displacing altogether.
Yesterday she slipped in the tub and was laying down in the tub and pooped again.
One of the three cats has renal failure beginning. It’s been really stressful because she doesn’t always finish her special diet food and then one of her brother cat eats it and he gets diarrhea. The other brother had an anal gland abscess and when his Vet removed it, she said that it was the biggest that she’d ever seen. He has to go to the Vet every four months now.
My dog is in a clinical trial, so her life will be extended a little regardless if she’s on the placebo because she sees the Vet all the time.
However, they cost thousands.
I was able to rehome my ex-wife’s dog in May of 2025 so that’s helpful. It is also helpful to not have dog pee on things that she would mark smelling up my house while I was at work.
Only the dog is mine.
I’m too much of a softy to rehome the cats although they’ve become too much with the food situation. I’ll contact the cat vet and see how the diet can be changed to one thing for all of them.
I was talking with Nightingale last night and the cat with the renal disease was chirping, meowing and sometimes purring.
Nightingale didn’t mention anything. She’s allergic to cats. However, to some extent she’s not even close to an animal person. I haven’t ever been on the phone with someone who didn’t ask which one was making noise when any of mine are being appealing.
I like her dog a lot and he’s trained to only be a dog in all respects. He can’t get on furniture, beds, or even greet someone unless they reach down to greet him.
When she made me dinner on Saturday night in her house her well-trained and super cute dog made a specific noise and wagged his tail and I said, “He’s asking for food, right?” She was shocked. I told her that I’m great with animals. I am good with domestic animals’ cues and can get very close to deer when I’m hiking to snap a picture. (I’m not a dumbass so I don’t like being near mountain lions, rattlesnakes, moose, and haven’t had a bear encounter yet thankfully.)
Scorpio’s dog was a really good boy and well-trained. He was allowed to obsess on me when he wanted to and he did. I still miss her dog a lot.
I love all animals. I like to watch the birds on the porch when I drink coffee in the morning or have a Spindrift, Waterloo, or Lacroix at night. When I used to walk my dog sometimes I’d see black foxes near the creek which was equal parts scary and cool.
I’m an outdoor plant. I love being outside all of the time and even don’t mind repetitive tasks such as removing cheatgrass, kochia, henbit, prickly lettuce, purslane, and spotted spurge in my tiny grass patch in the backyard at night. It’s too bad that means that no matter what I do, I’ll get bitten a couple of times by mosquitos, but I still like the task.
Nightingale can’t come over to my house because of my ex-wife’s cats and my dog. She has allergy induced asthma and some other conditions.
Nightingale has lived with other women in her pristine house. I don’t know the timeline–meaning when they moved in. Not only would I not want to do that, but we don’t like the same things day-to-day. Even if I could cohabit, and at this point I absolutely cannot, it would have to be with a likeminded woman.
I love having a purring cat next to me, sitting outside and fussing in a yard, talking a long walk through neighborhoods (which used to include walking my dog 1-3 miles everyday), and taking any excuse to spend more time outside.
I go to a cabin in the mountains today. Nightingale rented it.
I’m looking forward to walking and probably doing a journal in my nature journal today. I can hike on Tuesday and Wednesday too.
I won’t miss my pets really given all the things that they’re requiring now and need a break.
I’ll write on Friday. Nightingale gets her knee replaced that day. I’ll have a lot of information about our dynamic after this week.
I was in one in a really remote area in May with Scorpio. We spent three nights there. We had a night with one woman who neither of us knew, and then the following two nights we were with two women who were her friends in our cabin. That configuration of sleeping ensured no sexual intimacy.
I’ll be in a cabin in another area of the mountains Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday night with Nightingale.
Just us.
It’s pretty remote too. And it includes an area that I climbed in 2009 a couple of times. I’m excited to see what I can see from the windows in our cabin. I also want to trek around solo or with her.
Last night I took her basmati with saffron, chicken piccata with fresh lemon butter, and cauliflower with sweet peppers and garlic. We talked and snuggled and kissed a tiny bit and then I left after a couple of hours. I simply wanted to know that she had dinner that night. Cooking for friends and other loved ones is like breathing for me.
She texted, “This meal is so fucking amazing.”
The kitchen in our cabin is waaaay better than my kitchen, so I think that I’ll bring some food that I can cook. I’m excited to have a meal with her in a home. We are so new we’ve not gone out to dinner yet. And she can’t come to my house due to significant cat allergies.
In a cabin. 1-1. Together and with enough space to not be together when something moves us.
I like that so much more than being around tons of people. I’m not a group person unless there is an activity like kickball or bowling. I don’t even enjoy parties.
I do enjoy nature. I enjoy it solo and haven’t had an intimate partner who enjoys it as much as I do.
I think it’s worthwhile to mention again that Nightingale has a new knee that is 12-weeks old. She’ll get the other knee replaced on Friday.
We have to stick a pin in our mutual love of nature. We can certainly trek a tiny bit this upcoming week, but she can’t overdo it because then she’s stuck to her ice machine afterward.
She’s a fly fisher.
I’m a hiker and tiny bit of a climber.
We’re so undefined right now. She could pull the plug on us anytime that she wants to. I can’t imagine having a new love interest when you’re going into another knee replacement.
I’m going to:
Enjoy tonight and our vacation next week
Support her with her guidance and direction after her other knee is replaced
We stay stagnant when we surround ourselves with people who think only as we do.
I’m learning that some people know what they want no matter what.
Nightingale is learning that some women move slow and intentionally with decisions.
She was sooooo pissed off at me on Tuesday night. I had to get polished at using the skill: “I feel x, when y is happening, and I’m hoping that in the future you’ll respect my (boundary, time, need for understanding / validation).”
We talked on the phone for four-hours.
At the end of it she said, “Can you just come over here and hold me all night?”
“At two in the morning?”
“Yes.”
I don’t like having conflict over the phone. I will not engage in ANY intense texting.
When we have friction, we’re going to talk f2f.
Sleeping or Sex?
It was nice to be in her bed with her and see how nicely our bodies fit together when we’re sleeping. It was interesting that she approached intimacy from so many different angles until she got what she wanted. I was firm with not touching her and kept moving my hands away from where she’d put them. She said, “You’re strong.” I said, “Yep. And I don’t engage in gamey or shitty behavior.” The thing is that if someone after a long time keeps showing how much they want you, you can clarify, obtain consent and go for it.
She’s not my GF.
She’s not really my friend.
We don’t have similar ideas / attachment about outcome.
The only crushing thing about an end to being lovers for me would be not preserving a friendship.
I still want my exit interview with anyone.
She wants the life partner who she wakes up with everyday and who she will grow old with and tend to and vice versa until death.
I don’t think that the relationship escalator is real–it’s exceptional, so it works for a small percentage of couples.
I have to work today and tomorrow.
We’ll see each other on the weekend.
I don’t care what we’re doing and will do it with her as long as she lets me.
Nightingale and I have had some emotional and physical Jenga.
She is about 10-weeks out from her first knee replacement.
Her other knee gets replaced this month.
I had a friend here in town who’d not visited in 7-years. She was here for a few days with her ex-husband and two kids.
After Nightingale and I had met and clearly established that we liked each other romantically, she accompanied me to my best friend’s house for pizza and sides on Sunday night. That morning after we were done walking around we hugged again and I kissed her quickly. That night, she met me at my best friend’s house. Our Sunday was a bit like a marathon first date, and it worked for me.
She and I had a wonderful time with all of my friends.
Then she had to name all of her discomfort while we were talking in her car at the end of the night. She doesn’t want to date anyone polyamorous. It was a rough and painful conversation.
I get it.
I’m great with boundaries.
We can both let many hours go by talking, so it was about 10:30 and I said, “I’m going to give you a hug and drive home.”
I moved across the seat and hugged her and she was crying a little bit and said, “I want to touch you.” I said, “Yeah, and you’ll have to keep it G rated.”
Yesterday, I went over to have coffee with her in her modern and pristine house and it was awkward and sad.
I hadn’t slept worth a shit on Sunday night so I did a few things that I had to do and didn’t feel any better until I lifted weights. Nightingale’s knee had swelled up so bad that she had to cancel her trip to CA that she was going to have before her next knee surgery. I know that she and I probably overdid it on Sunday, but I was kinda glad that she found out about it when she was here and not in Northern California unable to do things that she wanted to do because of swelling.
It sucks to have wiring that doesn’t fit another’s when you clearly have a good connection in the emotional, physical and romantic realm.
Last night, I cleaned up after my dog and cats–talking to Hockey on the phone the whole time–and then settled in to watch the next episode of “Dark” in the sequence. Nightingale texted me. Given that she’s a real athlete–the whole thing–track and soccer through high school, college track scholarship, and has completed two Iron Mans and is a triathlete–watching the US lose yesterday and also knowing that she can’t go to CA was too much for her.
She texted, “Have you ever just wanted to be held so you can cry?”
I said, “Absolutely. Do you need me to shower and come over?”
I think that she wanted that and didn’t want that. Holding two things that are both true is a tough spot.
I went over there.
I could hold any friend who needed me to. I could provide a clothed massage, a held hand all night, and would even draw a bath and keep a friend company while she cried in the bathtub.
This scenario wasn’t a heavy lift for me. It was nice to 1) support, and 2) have physical input.
We half-assed watched old episodes of “American Idol,” talked and I rubbed her back and even her surgical scars on her knee that has already been replaced.
Her knee is stable and it is nervy and feels weird so it jacks up her body. She is healing.
We talked and talked and talked. It wasn’t friendly, and it wasn’t purely romantic. It was a completely intimate and connected experience for both of us and I really needed it.
When I’m not seeing anyone, I miss touching a woman. It doesn’t have anything to do with sex for me.
After a couple of hours we were simply snuggling and it got intense so she said, “It’s time for you to go home.”
I popped up and she was shocked.
“Jesus Christ, I didn’t mean get out! Wow.”
I told her that I’m good with boundaries. She came over to me and took me in her arms and kissed my neck while holding me. I held her tighter and then walked over to her door.
I put on my shoes and looked at her and said, “Just one kiss, ok?” I had the green light and went to give her a quick kiss and then it was all her.
I stopped in the middle of it and said, “That’s you! I was just going to give you a quick kiss before I left.” She just pulled me to her and kept kissing me.
I totally get where she is coming from with regards to not wanting to date me. And, I’m fine with it. I had a couple of GFs since 2024 and those relationships were not meant to last longer than they did. I think that I can just keep showing up for Nightingale and see what unfolds. I’m not going to do anything weird. I’m glad that she let me support her last night and that we had some genuine romantic kissing when I left her house. There is zero reason to future trip and not just let something unfold organically with her based on the pacing that she sets.
Today I talked with Nightingale for close to two hours. She’ll leave for her solo vacation on Tuesday.
We talked about our childhoods.
Our experiences in therapy.
We talked about work.
We talked about parenting (Hers is 18 and a daughter; mine is 20 and a son.).
She talked about her reservations seeing someone polyamorous.
I told her that I got it. And honestly I’m pretty malleable and have done all manner of relationships based on what partners talk to me about and what I’m comfortable doing.
I told her that I felt like I was being punished for the sins of their ex-BFs in my last two relationships.
It’s refreshing that she was married to a woman and has had many, many GFs since then and those have mostly been with women who need some caretaking.
I listened fully to that.
I only take care of myself. I don’t ask for anything either.
I didn’t ask my ex prior to Scorpio accompany me to my PRP injection last summer–but, she offered and did it giving a baby monitor (She had a three-year-old at the time.) to the accountant below her unit in her building, and Scorpio didn’t do anything for me. (She did arrange some flowers by hand in vases and bring them to me twice, but that’s small gestures after four months. I think that she paid for two meals during our time together too. She was waaaay cheaper to date than my ex-GF though because I didn’t have to take her places all the time and pay for babysitters.)
I explained what an anchor partner does and described the tour of my city that I did for Scorpio when I got off work, had to pick her up on the far west side and then drive far south to pick up her car. I made dinner for her that night. I’m a great anchor partner with a local GF.
I talked about how I’ve always had friends for different purposes. (Honestly, I think that lovers could fit that bill for me too.)
I also let her know that there isn’t a single romantic connection in my life right now.
Assuming that we get there–and we both decided that needs to be determined not only through a vibe check but also an embrace–she and I can work on what feels right. It would take me quite awhile to feel solid with her anyway and my last comet doesn’t talk to me at all anymore. I think that we can make something work if we like each other romantically. We certainly have great chemistry and conversation.
She wants lasting connection.
I asked her when her birthday is. It’s five-days after Scorpio’s. I said, “Oh, that’s good.” And she asked, “When’s your birthday?” And I told her and she said, “Oh, you’re a Virgo. That’s my moon.”
🤯
Nightingale is Scorpio-Virgo. I’m Virgo-Scorpio. Her Ascendent is right on the cusp of Gemini and Taurus, so that means if she’s mostly Gemini, our big three are the same (Earth, Water, and Air). The latter seems to fit more because she is verbose in her presentation. Cancers are pretty careful and watchful. Nightingale is a great talker.
I’m hoping that Scorpio Version 2 is a romantic and intimate prospect, and I’ll know on Monday morning when we walk.
Therapy is such a good thing. I have one more thing which is not related to a new love interest to write about today. It’s related to my insight after therapy.
I’m totally fine dating bisexual women.
They’re often prettier.
My last two GFs were still both really hung up on their ex-boyfriends.
My one prior would talk about him all the time. I realized recently that she was going to parks with her daughter in his area of the city because she probs wanted to run into him and had a belief that when he saw their daughter he would rekindle. Or maybe just pay child support. Or perhaps stop texting, “Hi,” at 3 in the morning and respond to pictures of their daughter that she sent to him. She would also talk about how amazing he was too. It was a treat.
Scorpio talked about her ex-BF all the time. Recently she told me that she’d gotten spoiled by him because he did all the driving. During our last fight she called me monogamous and said that I was a repeat of this ex-BF. To all that, I can call bullshit.
My new love interest is lesbian. Like me. That means that she won’t be hung up on an ex-BF.
When I date a bisexual woman again if she’s recently broken up, I need to ensure that she is over him. If not, I will probably suggest that she does couples work with the guy and reconciles. I’d be fine dating her after that time. I like having male metamours. I don’t want to be a stand-in for a man going forward.
I told him that I feel like the whole world is on fire so it may not be the best time to start a long-term relationship.
He told me that he would worry if I was sitting at home and refusing to step outside.
I debriefed my date with KY.
He said that he worries when people seek passion, but he hears that I don’t want to be depleted by someone either.
He also called me an optimist.
Why should I give up?
Wildfire smoke has settled in my face.
Finally all the sinus stuff has moved and my cough and such are productive. I won’t be feeling like poo too much longer given that the stage that it’s in.
I did my interval run anyway and dealt with the headache.
I still didn’t want to cook.
I logged into my dating app and saw that I had squirreled away three boosts… I guess that maybe I had forgotten to use them in MT and ID? I dunno.
I boosted.
I went to pick up a whole bunch of Chinese food. (Catonese. Unfortunately, one of the best restaurants in the nation closed here so we don’t have a good Szechuan choice anymore.)
DMs:
Tomboy: “Hello! We have some of the same things in common. And we both have verified profiles, which is refreshing. What are your plans for the weekend?”
Nightingale: “It might also be refreshing that I have done therapy. This weekend is trip planning to [an undisclosed location]. I’m going to do a little road trip, redwoods, the coast, oysters, and farm to table food. What are your plans?”
And then the good, reciprocal exchanges came. She’s smart. She’s funny. And she’s open. That all seemed good to me.
Then she wanted to move right to a call.
“Hey do you want to talk over the phone?”
“A phone call tonight?” It was really late.
“Why not?”
Why not indeed.
An hour and half later she wants to delay her trip leaving in a day so we can take a walk. Ripping off the Band-Aid it seems. Stay tuned.
I got there early because I didn’t want her to be waiting for me.
She apparently was just a little bit late and didn’t want to interrupt my conversation.
She also didn’t think that I was me.
That was the odd part. I was the only one there within the 45-minute time period who was in a purple dress–or any dress at all for that matter.
So I wasn’t just standing around being awkward and overdressed, I made conversation with a guy who was timing his walk and getting some coffee refilled. We talked about electric cars, pollution, wildfires, democratic socialists, and corporate interest.
I sent location pins to the matchmaking service and kept going in and out of the coffee shop.
Finally, there was a short woman sitting at a table by herself on the phone, and I just interrupted her conversation and asked if she was waiting for someone and she nodded and tied up her conversation.
She is very pretty. She has huge blue eyes, a great smile, and takes her appearance very seriously.
Our dynamic seems friendly to me. She wants to meet my friend group too and is willing to be our sub for bowling when she’s in town. Her teams are now in Philadelphia, NYC, and DC, so I don’t know how many Mondays she’ll be here realistically, but I do want her in our friends circle. She hails from KY. I know that she is going beyond vibe with my teammate from AL.
Neither one of us are attracted to butch women.
I guess that if you exchange numbers with a date that you’re not really matched again. So, she told me that we shouldn’t say that we have each other’s numbers. I told her that I would upvote her and she said she would with me as well. We texted quite a bit last night with her initiation.
I’m going to host a Saturday night party at the end of the month like the potlucks that I used to host seasonally after I’d been divorced for 2-years. Hockey has wanted me to do that, and I’ll literally invite any woman with whom I’ve had a date over the last 2-years to it. Part of my polyamorous orientation is that I want people to have new friends and lovers because I connect them.
This morning I got up to enroll in the first course that I’m taking in a 5 class sequence. I’m on a wait list though 🫤 There is a chance that I can’t start until NEXT fall because I think that I may have to stop teaching on Tuesday nights for one semester. (I’ve taught almost exclusively on Tuesday nights for 11-years at one university.) I’ll have to talk to my supervising professor who made a post-doc experience for me in the winter of 2015 to see if she’ll allow me to change the night of the week for one semester only. One class that I will need to take for my candidacy application is only taught 3:30 – 6 on Tuesday nights. I’m so lucky that my Boss will let me flex my work hours and leave early for a semester. There is no way that if I had my old day job I could do that. And my old Boss would’ve said no.
Last two GFxs:
We had mismatched libidos. When I said that we don’t belong together in March of 2025, I should’ve stuck to it.
We didn’t have healthy conflict. I need to ask specifically at date #4 with any woman if she yells during conflicts. I can’t tolerate that at all. Because it’s a no fly zone, I need to ask if I can take a break from the conflict until she is able to speak without a raised voice.
Dating Pool:
I remain in the database with the matchmaking firm as a “Matchable Member.” My first year was comped. I have my first date today which is in person and now has been moved by the match again. It’s close to lunch time. It’s nice to have plans regardless. I’ve not had an in person date with a new woman since May 16th. I’m going to bring my most charming and funny self to this date regardless if I’m attracted to her in the slightest. It’s nice to have something to do today.
Pride:
I went to a friend’s house for a pre-party on Friday night last week. I got concerned whether or not they were going to go out at all and didn’t wind up leaving their house until after 11 pm. I went to a party with DJs with a friend on Saturday night and we stayed all afternoon until the evening. On Sunday I went with MI to the parade and we listened to some music and watched the coolest and most creative drag performance that I’d ever seen.
Mental Health:
I feel balanced. I have an appointment with my new psychologist tomorrow. I’m awarded two more sessions for free after this one and then I’ll see him monthly out-of-pocket. I need some support with my dating life generally. Breakups are never fun.
I slept having multiple dream cycles. I haven’t slept well since I got back from my solo vacation. Except for some congestion and a minor sore throat, I feel excellent today.
I took a strength training class last night with MI. Her gym is female only. She asked me to give her options for boxing classes, so I’m going to call the boxing gym that I can go to and give her the schedule for the week of July 6th when I see her again on Sunday. Boxing class rips up my hands altogether, which is one of the reasons that I stopped, and it’s embarrassing that my overall lack of coordination with my legs unless I am climbing makes the movements difficult for me. However, she’s my friend and I want to do something fun with her next month.
I’ll go out of town today to meet Hockey’s two sons, bowl with them, and have dinner together.
I sunsetted my Facebook account completely yesterday. I had to go through years of photos, which got me emo. Downloading them took forever, but it felt great to just delete the whole thing. I made that account in 2007 or 2008, I believe. I’m glad that it’s gone.
The oppressive humidity that we had all day yesterday ultimately had a purpose and we got rain. That means that I can finally put my cylinder back in my rain gauge! I think that because we have been in a severe drought for five-months, it will take much for the ground to absorb moisture. Thankfully, when the arborists were here on Tuesday removing nuisance trees from the chain link fences around my huge backyard, they also dropped some mulch on the dirt around my shed. That night, I went to Home Depot to buy organic, non-dyed mulch for the places that were still barren (well-spent $20). This rain’s moisture will stay in the yard for the very few wildflowers that came up this year.
I have a matchmaking date in 6-days which will be sooooo interesting.
I began DMing with a woman who owns a petsitting business which she runs with one of her two adult daughters and even her 11-year-old granddaughter helps out. We moved to text last night.
I may be building some friendships atm. That sounds good. Dating apps are something else generally.
I have Hockey. I have MI. I had Scorpio who is conflicted generally and can’t have healthy conflict.
I wish that HER had a the ability to write in your own status message! Mine would say something to the effect of “Scammer liked you! Enjoy stock photos and DMs that are from a bot or pair of people in an office in Eastern Europe!”
I’m going to give Cookies and another woman deets for my Saturday and Sunday plans for Pride. They’re welcome to join me with a friend who is doing plans with me. I’m going with LA to a concert in the afternoon on Saturday, and with MI on Sunday to the parade which has a brand new route this year. I’ll probably stay out a bit on Sunday. MI can drink if she’d like as I’ll park. She can vape too if she’d like–just not in my car. (Scorpio was already high once and spaced out that she was in my car and absentmindedly took a hit and had to roll down my window as quickly as she could when she realized that she was in my car vaping 😳.) Oh, stoners!
Did I mention that I slept?
I wish that I could always just magically give myself sleep. Before menopause, and even when I was simply perimenopausal, I could just start sleeping. And being well-rested makes all the difference in the world with my mood! When we had a 5-hour layover in Phoenix to get home from HI after our honeymoon, my then wife watched me sleep in chairs at the airport. When I woke up she said, “You slept like that for 2-hours.” How I miss being an awesome sleeper!
Now we have an OG butcher shop that’s a 1.2 mile RT walk from my house. They have actual hoagies. The bread is white with a crust. (Please don’t tell me that Subway has real delicatessen bread. That’s not real.) I have had two of their sandwiches so far. It takes them a long time to make them and they’re worth the wait. I had one yesterday with corned beef and purple pickled cabbage.
Exercise, sleep and nuitrition.
And then the cherry is going back to basics with chopping wood, carrying water, and quieting unnecessary noise.
I have known one of my bowling teammates for nine years this fall. She is a professional musician and also chaperones travel for students, so I’ve not bowled with her this season due her summer commitments. She hurt her back this morning, and I asked her if she would still consider coming to league because I hadn’t seen her in two months.
She wound up bowling with a 6-pound ball. And she’s so funny and zany that we all had fun with her.
I told her that I had to tell her something that was pretty awful.
I got to the part wherein I told her that my ex said that she could hold space with me when I was in a bad mood because she trusted me enough to know that if she had anything to do with it that I’d bring it up and that I told her that if there was a chance that I could contract HPV that would definitely impact my mood.
I told her that was when my ex exploded.
She said, “I’m going to stop you for a moment. 1. You’re always have the right to ask any questions that when answered may affect your sexual health. 2. Going dark on anyone is not ok.”
I don’t know why dialing it in so specifically blew my mind. It did.
I said, “And she was my girlfriend. And an anchor partner.”
I can’t remember exactly what she said, but it had to do with you’d never do that with anyone, and the least of which would be anyone that you called a partner.
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