Monthly Archives: August 2026

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Dramarama

In 2024 I met one of my ex-GFs at a Polyamorous Women’s Discussion Group. She attended it in support of her best friend.

Her best friend was sleeping with the group leader’s husband. For a time, he was her boyfriend.

Per my ex-GF, the group leader vetoed her best friend.

Veto.

I had a falling out with the group leader altogether. She blew up a date one night that I was on with my ex-GF. Eventually, my ex-GF made me write a letter to her about the situation. I wasn’t going to apologize and didn’t. I wrote the letter because my GF at the time said that I was creating friction in the friend group.

Yesterday I saw her at a conference and the group leader told me everything going on in her life and asked nothing about me. Things never change.

She did say, however, that one of her husband’s partners was no longer friends with my ex-GF or my ex-GF’s best friend. She said that they weren’t treating her well. I’m friendly with this particular partner. Scorpio and I had a double date with her and the former group leader’s husband in April.

I took the author out to dinner last night and told her the story.

A GF is vetoed by a wife.

The GF befriends one of the husband’s partners.

Eventually, the GF and her best friend (my ex-GF) vetoes the partner.

The author told me that this experience is common.

Makes me happy that I get along with my metamour and that my GF only has he and I atm.

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Three

Didn’t seem like a lot to navigate for me last night.

The author turned 60 and had a potluck party.

The woman that I have been seeing just shy of a month (4-days) made little spears of appetizers. They had fresh mozzarella, basil, tomatoes, a tortellini, and a folded slice of salami on them. I think that she’d drizzled some olive oil on them and also a few dried herbs–she may have grown those. The author was excited about them. Although she’d probably made 40 of them, there were very few left when we departed.

I bought beer, lemon La Croix, Waterloo, and Spindrift and filled up my cooler.

My metamour was with us the whole night.

We drove up together and left together.

This particular friend group is almost all polyamorous and bisexual. So, we fit together well.

At one point someone was asking my metamour how he knew the author and he talked about his fiancée and then said, “And ______’s her girlfriend,” and nodded to me.

That gave me pause.

We got back really late to their house and she asked me if I was coming in and I said that I was. I sat in their office and we all talked for a long time while their dog hung out with us and their cat visited and also ran around the house because it was late.

Neither of them had seen “One Battle After Another,” and we made plans to watch it together on Tuesday. My girlfriend is taking me to a comedy club on Wednesday.

When I was leaving my metamour came out and said that he was going to settle in for the night. I gave him a hug and she and I continued to talk.

It was interesting because she talked directly about her fiancé talking about me as her girlfriend. I said quickly that I liked it. She was surprised. She said, “I know that you don’t want a girlfriend,” and I said, “No, I don’t want a wife. That’s not something that I want to do or will do again.”

If I learned anything from 2024 – 2025 I discovered that I really enjoy having an anchor partner.

I also told her that I find her beautiful and that I really like her a lot. She said, “I’m not nice, and you’ll see that when we’re around more people.” I find that behavior honest. I don’t like everyone and don’t go out of my way to make peace with anyone with whom I don’t have to interface.

She is nice. She texts me good morning and goodnight everyday. She knows what I am doing day to day and remembers details. She knew that I was in person for teaching last week and made me a whole lasagna. When I took her out to dinner she gave it to me. (I’ll probably eat the rest for breakfast this morning.) I had it for dinner, lunch, and my son ate some of it last night when we were all three at the birthday party.

She’s direct.

She’s loving. I had a mosquito bite below my wrist and she quickly took my arm and pierced it with her thumbnail. I can’t even feel it now. (I secretly wish she’d done the same thing on my middle finger where I have three.) The author was talking about her nephew and birthday twin who took his own life 2-years ago during her small speech in front of her cake. We had just sung to her and she thanked all of us and then began talking about her nephew. I sighed deeply, she heard it, and she quickly gave me a side hug and took my hand.

She’s matter-of-fact. That characteristic might be at least somewhat related to being a nurse. I told her that I was getting tested next weekend and would print the results and give them to her. I said that I hope that Scorpio didn’t give me anything because she said, “You should be more careful!” the last night that I talked to her and realized that we can’t be together. (I do have feelings. Feelings aren’t wrong.) And she said that she probably said that because she knew that it would get to me. I told her that if I have something we can be friends. And she said, “No way. You’re not breaking up with me because of that.” Then she directly described different barrier methods that would happen if Scorpio had given me something.

I’ve had all her STI results including her pap smear test narrative for 3-weeks.

When we start being intimate–assuming that I am fine–I’ll be monogamous. Again. In my heart I am Solo Poly and I don’t know how you work, have pets, have a house and yards, parent a little bit, have great friendships that you tend to with multiple partners. Honestly, with my starting school in two weeks, I’m unable to wrap my brain around another woman in this moment. I also can’t establish concurrently.

This relationship has been too easy for nearly a month.

I’m not used to slow, deliberate and intentional. Also, it’s interesting to meet ease with my pragmatism that I have.

I think that I’ve gained a girlfriend and a new male friend.

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Sweetheart

Last night I pulled up in front of my date’s house and she said, “Hi” while I was getting out. I handed her flowers that I arranged in a rectangular vase. All the flowers came from my yard. I didn’t realize that she was going to get in my car and was embarrassed because it’s full of gravel on the floor mats and is a little dusty. She took the flowers inside and then we were off!

The whole date was a surprise. She had left it that way.

We went to an interactive art gallery together. There was a story line for our walk through. We talked a lot though because we are so new and chatty, but we got the gist, solved the puzzle, and got wildflower seeds at the end of the exhibit.

We walked across the street to a horror themed 80s bar that had really good food.

I’m from here and had never done anything like this for a date or been to either of these places.

She planned and paid for the whole date.

When we got back to her house, I realized that there is one thing that is different about a polyamorous person who’s not solo. Their significant can come home when it’s obvious that you’re being romantic with their partner.

I acted a little bit like you would with parents coming in when you’re in high school. Then it was ok and I mostly adjusted.

I think that it will be better for me next weekend when we all go out together for the author’s 60th birthday party.

I won’t have time to date until next June. So, it’s going to be a very long period of my establishing with her. I think too that having several concurrent relationships will be difficult until years from now because I don’t have much time to dedicate to partners. My time is spoken for with my jobs and I don’t like doing anything poorly.

It’s been really nice to go slowly with a woman too. I have needed this pacing again.

I went slow in 2024, but that relationship felt like work to me and I wasn’t getting needs met. It was a good post-divorce relationship.

I was leaving and she always walks me out when I do so. I was asking her what her fiancé calls her and she told me–I’d never call her the same term of endearment. He sometimes calls her Babe too, and I’ll avoid that one too. I settled on Sweetheart and she’s so flexible that it was immaterial to her. She told me that it would be weird if I called her fiancé, Daddy, and we both laughed about that one.

It’s always hard for me to completely leave her. I was talking about how she has shown up in her previous relationships and she called herself getting over being a “fixer.” I told her that she was in luck in that I don’t need any work, live alone and love that (I think that my son is finally moving out forever in December.), and do all my own things. And she said, “Yes, but we can have the nurse in the office with the doctor.” I laughed and then it gave me pause. I liked that. A lot. And found it hot. I stopped laughing and looked at her across the street and told her that I’d have to think about that prospect all night.

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Strings

A teammate sent me an IG about bowling being ruined. It was long. It is like a documentary and features Alhambra Valley Bowling Alley and also clips of the CEO of the Lucky Strike Corporation.

We had league last night in a bowling alley that looks a lot like the one that I learned to bowl in when I was 8-years-old without the overhead projectors used for hand scoring and the Tempest video game.

We were there because our alley where we’ve bowled most seasons was closed.

The HVAC has been problematic there for at least 2-years. Lately, it’s been in the mid-80s in the alley and it gets like a sauna because it was remodeled to encourage standing and drinking with little room and weirdly oversized vinyl seating around the ball return.

I’m worried that what they’re doing isn’t fixing the broken AC, but rather installing strings to the pins.

Modern bowling alleys look a lot like bars with sensory overload or a casino–you also don’t have a classic pinsetter.

There are wires attached to the pins which theoretically set them faster.

When we bowled at an alley in a suburb last week as our team has summer passes, the wires kept failing over and over to set the pins at all, so we had to find an employee to set them the OG way by going behind back of the lane and performing some manual tasks.

I learned in the IG documentary that these wires also decrease the possibility of throwing a strike by 30%.

I personally have to throw my ball in a slightly different area of the lane to get strikes and can do it now, but I don’t like the wires.

I’m hoping that it’s not one-thousand degrees in the alley next Monday and they’ve just added the wires.

I’m thinking about dedicating some work in my blog to things that I miss. Classic pinsetters is one thing.

Another thing is that I don’t like my Voice over Internet Protocol phones. I miss my landline like crazy.

Does anybody have opinions about dark bowling alleys with large screen TVs distracting your game and wired pins?

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Established

On Friday, my new love interest and I walked to a venue that makes really excellent Cajun food and listened to a local band. We talked at length too. I have learned a lot about her childhood and growing up.

She had on expensive jeans, and her hair was perfect and flowing. I can’t believe the way that she can get her waves and curls to land. I know that she doesn’t use any heat on it, so it’s surprising. She had on a tank top that had a diamond opening just below her suprasternal notch and wore a diamond necklace on a silver chain below the tank top. Her eyes are a really dark blue and have some green near the pupil. They’re huge. I learned on Friday that she’s Greek. It’s funny, but I often get misread as Greek too.

At about 10:45 she said that we had to go. She’s funny and gets really worried about my sleep. She also gets worried about how much I work. It’s endearing. It’s not in a bossy way, but it’s more like a manner in which she wants to be supportive. I like it, which is odd.

I don’t like getting help with anything. I do like being cared for and tended to, but not with nuts and bolts of my life. I have that stuff on lock.

Last night my son pulled himself away from his monitor and gaming system. He and I had dinner together. My love interest had put dried herbs from her garden in little jelly jars for me and I slightly seared some dried dill and put it on potatoes. I had also sauteed some mini red sweet peppers. Although it’s super hot, we ate kielbasa and sauerkraut. The latter seemed fitting for the weather.

We talked about my new love interest.

I told him that I had met my metamour. I really like him. He’s sweet and I know that we’ll have good conversations because he’s smart.

My son said, “Finally someone who’s actually poly, Mom!”

I reminded him that I met my GF before Scorpio in a Polyamorous Women’s Discussion Group.

He scoffed at that.

I do think now looking back that she’s most interested in her daughter being supported. I think that dating a man or woman in her 30s would be a good idea for that scenario fulfillment.

Then he said something interesting about Scorpio. He said, “She’s polyamorous when it suits her.”

That gave me a ton of pause.

My whole thing with breaking up with her was that she wouldn’t talk about going dark on me for a day. I didn’t want an apology. I wanted to talk it through because it didn’t feel good and hurt my feelings. Her level of defensiveness was unreal and she was volatile and mean. That would never work. I do think that when you’re being authentic, you have some conflict. It needs to be resolved without deflecting responsibility and truly hearing your impact.

And my son said that Nightingale was simply monogamous, which is true.

I love that my current love interest and her fiancé are so stable. They have the ability to travel and do whatever they want and have a nice home. I don’t know how long they’ll live here, and I hope that they stay for at least a couple of years. The impact is that it’s easy to date her. She’s just looking for some enhancement of her life and isn’t lacking anything in her partnership.

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Intentional

A woman who is also a nurse, but in a completely different specialty and role than Nightingale is, started DMing me in the app last week.

We had great banter and it wasn’t overly flirtatious like Nighingale’s and mine became. We popped on a phone call that night after I taught class on Zoom.

We had an hour-and-a-half conversation.

Yesterday, we bowled three games (It was pretty polluted with wildfire smoke for a walk.), played skeeball and the basketball shot game, and went to eat BBQ. Well, I ate a ton of food. She isn’t a big eater.

We get along really easily and she’s not like women who I’ve dated.

We made plans to see each other on Friday and I’m going very, very slow this time around. Scorpio and Nightingale were the opposite of that approach, and neither wound up the way in which I thought that they would. I am going to try everything that I can given that we get along well to build something with intention.

She’s shorter than I am and voluptuous. She also is VERY put together. No one would read her presentation as bisexual.

At this point in time, some women who had girlfriends before they got married and had kids want to date women again. It’s a whole cultural zeitgeist. I think that some of it has to do with Andrew Tate and his platform which promotes misogyny and violence, and I think that the rest has to do with accepting bisexuality to some degree in many parts of the country.

This particular new love interest is solidly bisexual and has been dating women for a couple of years, but not yet found a girlfriend.

She’s engaged to be married. I looked back at my writing to see when that became something that I thought would be a good idea for me. I couldn’t find a specific entry. It has been difficult for me to establish concurrently, and also find a woman who does polyamory the same way that I do.

I like having male metamours.

I also like that their house is about a 2.5-mile bike ride away from mine.

Her fiancé looks so sweet.

Case in point is that legacy landlines have ended in most parts of the US with the exception of FL and CA, and I had to try to set up my VOIP in my kitchen and dining area and couldn’t. Mine, I think anyway, wound up also needing to be ethernet connected to my modem. However, when it was giving me fits for a couple of days he offered to come over to my house and set it up.

I told Hockey yesterday on the phone that maybe if things keep working out that they can be a little bit like family members to me.

Some polycules involve cohabiting.

That’s not appealing to me because I want to stay in my house with my space and cadence. In my heart I am Solo Poly and in my execution at this moment in time, I am ambiamorous.

However, sometimes because many of my friends are heavy drinkers, live many urban miles from me, or are still doing heavy parenting that limits their free time, I get really lonely. It would be amazing to have a girlfriend who had another partner who was willing to help me with sheetrock, spot me on a ladder, and also socialize with me. The arrangement makes me think of a defacto family. I’m excited to meet him!

Yesterday, my new love interest put fresh dill, green onions, and mint in small jelly jars, picked me tomatoes of various sizes, and harvested a small eggplant and yellow scallop squash. I’m going to cook the latter tonight so I can have some good food at work tomorrow.

Her fiancé picked a sunflower and put it on top of the arrangement in the bag that was flat with ribbon handles. I love that he wants her to have a GF. At this moment, he only has one partner, and my love interest doesn’t interphase with her because it’s a limited and short-term relationship that he has with her.

My new love interest is on call on Friday, so we pivoted and are going to hang out for a bit at her house. Her fiancé has a date and will be back late evening.

I can’t wait to meet their cat and hope that their dog isn’t obnoxious. Assuming that we eventually get there–maybe in the fall–she’ll have to spend nights at my house, because there is a basement roommate in the downstairs apartment. I don’t think that appeals to me. I also don’t think that overnights are something that I want when a fiancé is in another bedroom. I guess that I’ll see.

For now, I’m going very, very slow. I would really like to have a GF with whom we can build something more lasting.

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12th House

One’s 12th House is the house of secrets, sorrows and self-doubting. Some people refer to it as an unconscious and spiritual house. It’s also one of karma and spiritual debt (Woolfolk, 2001). (I want to know more about karmic doctrine generally.)

This house is also related to being able to discover life’s meaning (Woolfolk, 2001).

I remember when I first completed my chart recently that when I saw my Sun there, I thought that was probably interesting. Meaning that some of my being Virgo is private and maybe related to shadow work.

My Mars placement is also there, which is a personal planet, and its position forms a Conjunction with my Sun Sign.

Finally, my Pluto is there, which has some interesting aspects as well.

A stellium is several planets vying within a specific chart placement.

When your Sun Sign appears in your 12th House you’re said to be private generally and only have a few people with whom you’re close. Because of that, you have tendencies to lead a secluded and lonely life (Woolfolk, 2001).

Also related is that when you have your Sun Sign here is that you’re often successful late in life and have deep spiritual understanding (Woolfolk, 2001).

I have always liked being a Virgo. I’m analytical and like to see what I’ve done wrong so I’m better able to do well and make improvements. My birthday is in the third decanate which makes me more influenced by Venus generally being more warm hearted and demanding with attention. I also am on the cusp of Libra which makes my personality one of attention getting. My vitality and likability means that working with the public brings success. My depth of feeling with a lover is not surface level (Woolfolk, 2001).

My Mars conjuncts my Sun here and gives me courage, liveliness and strong powers of concentration (Woolfolk, 2001).

Pluto is a cool planet that wasn’t discovered until 1930 and it’s associated with seeing things in a brand new way and new light. Pluto can bring change and can bring up themes in your subconscious. Mine is in Libra and it entered here when the Vietnam war ended and the Watergate era shrouded the United States. I like too that homosexual rights were beginning in this era as well. Libra’s influence here seeks cooperation and harmony and unforeseen problems in relationships (Woolfolk, 2001).

I’m going to simply quote this section in the main text that I’ve been using for my chart:

Pluto (Planet of Transformation) in the 12th House Woolfolk, 2001

“You have a compelling desire to understand, to see deeply into philosophical questions. There may be a secret sex involvement in your life. You are a private person and don’t share your emotions easily. Good point: profound imagination. Bad point: may hide feelings of anger or resentment.”

I feel like my chart ends on a high note. I also think that because it’s my last house, that gives lots of teeth behind the fact that I’ve been a slow developer. I’ll probably go back to my love life for writing soon and like that I researched more than just my Sun, Moon and Ascendent before I had a first date with a woman who seems to be a solid romantic prospect.

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Venus

I’ll write a little bit about my Houses 9 & 10, but my 11th House has my Venus placement so it’s more important in my chart.

My Saturn placement is in my 9th House. There isn’t anything else in that House. My Saturn is in Cancer, which like most of my chart is a water sign.

Saturn is the planet of responsibility and hard work. Those things are just me, so I knew that there had to be some importance in this house.

Also, the 10th House is that of Mental Exploration, which checks out because I love learning and researching.

A Saturn placement in this House means that I am contemplative and exhibit a desire to learn. The good point is that I have idealistic principles, and somehow I’ve overcome this position of the planet in my chart because there are usually obstacles and limitations in receiving an education (Woolfolk, 2001).

A Saturn placement here means that I overindulge–like in food and sex (Woolfolk, 2001). That’s maybe not wrong. It also means that I can see a task through completion and that I’m ambitious (Woolfolk, 2001). Again, that checks out. I was blown away that Saturn Cancerians often have to take on parental tasks at a young age–my mother was significantly disabled, so I helped a ton at home and with her too.

Like most people, my midheaven appears in my 10th House, which is the House of Career. (The midheaven can appear in the 9th through 11th houses, but my placement is most common.)

My career has been so important to me. I found this information from the software spot on as well. I’m simply going to quote it.

“Your work generates a sense of wellbeing in others. You career may run the gamut from banking to creative design, but you always have an impact on people’s lives. You offer comfort, security, emotional appeal and have a talent for touching the public’s heart. Happily, your skills are also financial. You pour brilliant imagination into moneymaking projects. You nurture what you create and make it grow into a booming enterprise” Woolfolk, 2008

Now, it’s my super complicated albeit accurate Venus placement.

My Venus is in Virgo, which is also my Sun Sign. (Venus moves into Virgo starting on Tuesday btw.)

There isn’t anything in my 11th House except my Venus placement.

The 11th House is the House of Friends, Hopes and Wishes.

This house is associated with long-term dreams and goals. It represents working together harmoniously with each individual illustrating his or her individual personality. This position is also one of organizations or clubs (Woolfolk, 2001). For some reason I was thinking about my teammates and also colleagues here.

Venus in Virgo are warned to be cautious about falling in love. Often the heart is given to the wrong person who will not appreciate the fine qualities. This placement is regarded for people who are intelligent, loyal and sympathetic (Woolfolk, 2001).

So, I have an Opposition, a Square, and thankfully a Sextile in my Venus.

An Opposition is thought of as a challenge to growth and achievement, and mine is with my Jupiter placement which is in Pisces. Given extreme feelings that I have I can become unhappy with love affairs (Woolfolk, 2001). The way that I’m dealing with this issue now post-divorce is when I have stumbling blocks that are not able to be addressed, I exit. That has been better than all the years that I’ve spent previously trying to fix something that just isn’t working.

A Square is challenging and stressful and if addressed a person can develop drive and strength of character.

My Venus squares with my Neptune placement which is in Sagittarius. This aspect is associated with disappointment in love, being victimized in relationships and difficulty making decisions (Woolfolk, 2001). I can see all of these features in past relationships. Since my divorce, I don’t tolerate being treated poorly. I want to seek mutually beneficial and health love relationships.

A Sextile is a harmonious and favorable aspect in a chart.

My Venus forms a Sextile with my Saturn which was illuminated in this entry. Again, my Saturn is in Cancer.

My Venus placement here as it corresponds to my Saturn suggests constructive influence in business partnerships and being serious and faithful in love (Woolfolk, 2001). And that’s true. I can’t establish relationships concurrently, have stuck out really bad experiences in long relationships, and what I say I am doing is always what I do with love.

I haven’t mentioned her yet because our first date is tomorrow. And she has a beautiful Venus placement. Hers has two Sextiles and a Conjunction. It appears in her First House too. Is it possible that I have found a teacher in serious and faithful love?

Stay tuned. I only have one more House to write about now.

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Houses 5, 6, 7 & 8

Jupiter is the planet of luck. Mine is in Pisces. It appears as the only planet in my 5th House. There are two aspects: one positive (Trine with Saturn), and one negative (Square with Neptune).

House Five is the House of Creativity and Sex.

If your Jupiter appears in your 5th House it means that you enjoy recreation. As it is the only planet in my 5th house, it means that I am lucky in speculation. I can be indiscreet in my love affairs, love my children, and can be extravagant at times. Some of that seems accurate for my life (Woolfolk, 2001).

Again, I have some empty houses which follow House 5.

House 6 is the house of Service and Health. It’s associated with overall health and also relationships at work (Woolfolk, 2001). Luckily these life tasks have been good for me and uncomplicated.

House 7 is the House of Partnership and Marriage. It’s not shocking that it’s empty. I’ve had two and really would prefer to never do something adjacent again.

House 8 is the House of Death and Regeneration. I found it odd that it was empty. I have some strange abilities with foresight and have had many deaths in my lifetime. There were some of great significance too.

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Houses 2, 3, and 4

There isn’t a ton going on in these Houses in my Western Zodiac chart.

Therefore, in this entry I can mention some generic astrology background which I have gathered.

Astrology predates astronomy as scientists began to notice that babies born in certain times, seasons, and even during events like a full moon behaved in similar ways. Astrologers often employed a map of the sky and divided it into 12 sections, or houses, to determine which planets were pronounced in a person’s chart and also to divide a life into specific tasks.

House 2 is the house of Money and Income.

I simply have Neptune and a Node here.

The node means that the moon crossed there when I was born. It was in Sagittarius at that time where my Neptune is also.

The placement means that I’m intellectual and care about humanity. Neptune in your House 2 means that you’re both intuitive and imaginative with making money (Woolfolk, 2001).

I have certainly found a way to make what would be two salaries on my own and have kept my house. Objects that I collect only have value to me and I’m unmaterialistic. I’m generous to people in need and am indifferent in general about money (Woolfolk, 2001).

Uranus forms a sextile with Pluto in my chart here. It’s important for me as Scorpio is pronounced in my chart. The placement said that occult traits are used positively (Woolfolk, 2001).

Case in point.

House 3 is the House of Communication. It’s related to your family ties, daily travel and self-expression.

It makes sense that mine is empty. By the time I was 47 I had no members of my family of origin. I get around simply. My Mercury is in my first house–where there is also a stellium–so it’s not as important to be part of my communication because it’s in the forefront.

House 4 is the House of Home.

Again, makes sense that it’s empty.

I moved 13 times before my parents got a house changing schools too. My relationship with my parents could be complicated, and was definitely so with my father always. It also has to do with an emotional and physical space which you call home, and with two marriages and problems with my son blowing up in my house where I’ve been 24-years that makes sense too. The cool thing about mine being empty is that this house also signifies where you age and close out your life (Woolfolk, 2001). I definitely have small and big plans there.