Monthly Archives: May 2026

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Health

I’m a health fanatic. I watch my step count. Every week I lift, run an interval for 20-minutes, and do a cardio routine with 90 reps of hip and leg sets. I also eat fruit and vegetables and try not to eat things out of bags. I drink water and coffee and rarely drink.

I have also had only 11 sexual partners which is one of the lowest numbers that I’ve heard of with unmarried people in their 50s.

I like dating a lot. I like connection. My sex drive isn’t as such that I would engage in casual encounters. I don’t need it like I did in my 30s and love connected sex. I had two partners in my 30s who I slightly regret the speed in which we were intimate.

My jobs are trying at intervals during 10-months of the year. I have made a decision that I need to meet with my pension organization in the fall. I need to know if I have 3 or more years left. I’m tired of jugging responsibilities and these often impact my health when I’m overwhelmed. Work life balance can certainly affect all aspects of my life.

That doesn’t mean that I would tell anyone how they should do health, work and sex.

Scorpio and I had a date on Saturday. I drove to her house and brought her to my friend, Brooklyn’s house. We had a good time with her. Scorpio is very social so she likes hanging out with other people too. We had fun, connected sex that night. I took her home so she could get ready for brunch on Sunday late morning.

I didn’t hear from her again until after I’d slept about 3.5-hours.

I had texted her at 7:30 pm that I hoped that brunch was fun and that I had a wonderful 36-hours with her and that I appreciated her. That night I went to bed at 9:30 and sent the “Goodnight” text with the hug and kiss emojis. When I randomly woke up at 1, I think that what I had was a drunk text. And it included information about a threesome.

Then she was in a bad mood via text on Monday and on Tuesday. Her texting was cold. And she has to get an extraction and probably a bone graft on Wednesday, and I’m willing to take her to that appointment and get her back to her house. However, she was in a bad space and barely asking me a single question. Some was related to drinking, which she doesn’t do often. I know that some is related to the way she is impacted by my dating that I’m doing. I wasn’t sure how to bring it up last night. And I was in a hideous mood anyway (work, second date with Portland, wibbles about a threesome, and feeling behind in my giant house and yards).

I eventually asked her for an 8-second hug to see if it would reset my nervous system. It did. In fact, she continued to hold me. Later when I was putting the final touches on dinner I felt my vagus nerve reset. It hadn’t done that in a few weeks. We adjorned to her movie room and office to talk.

She said that she trusted me enough to be around me when I’m in a bad mood because she knew that I would bring it up if it had anything to do with her. I told her that unprotected penetrative sex that could lead to my contracting HPV would be something that would affect my mood. I get that was direct.

However, I didn’t deserve what happened. She cried and sometimes when she does she also yells. That feels like weaponizing tears to me. In fact, she told me that I was 1) controlling, 2) manipulative, 3) a bisexual shamer, 4) monogamous, 5) a repeat of her ex-boyfriend of 3-years, and that I needed to go fuck someone.

Last night marked the 2nd time that I have had to tell her that I don’t want empty sex.

I was so proud that although she was yelling that I said that I had not heard from her in 7-hours and assumed brunch was that: 1-4 hours max. I told her that I sent a text saying that I had a great 36-hours with her and it was met with a threesome text. That was so off the mark. To hear nothing from her and then have something insensitive in response to my text regarding appreciating her made me feel bad.

She told me that 1-4 hours for brunch was an “assumption,” and went back to saying that we don’t have “rules,” and all kinds of other things that make me monogamous. It was so strange. And, I was done being yelled at. I said, “You’re yelling still. I don’t think that I can do this.”

She finally said, “Bye.”

After my former sister-in-law was murdered I began utilizing curriculum that is used mostly with young people (high school and college age) that helps recognize the Signs of Heathy and Unhealthy relationships. I was so glad that a colleague recommended the training to me. It took me weeks to get through it and I use it personally and at work. The curriculum is a family’s sublimation effort as a result of the murder of their daughter whose ex-boyfriend killed right before she graduated from college.

I mention it because no matter what, no one should be yelled at. I mention it too, because having my check-in text met with a flippant threesome text was hurtful and would’ve hurt anyone. Instead of acknowledging my feelings, regardless of how I brought it up, she unloaded on me. That’s not love.

I’m not going camping today or this weekend. I have very little to apologize for–I just don’t have ways to bring things up to her generally. We see each other midweek and spend weekend dates together. Our texting isn’t great, and she doesn’t like to text. She’s also not a phone call person. We’re good in person. We’re not good at conflict.

I think that if she wants to continue to spend time with me that we need to have a friendship.

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Weekend

I started off Saturday with a date with a woman who’s Latinx and Palestinian. She’s a double Gemini so she can talk. (She has a Scorpio Ascendent.) However, she’s really, really interesting and there was an initial pull as soon as we started talking. We looped a park in a community walk and then the group went over to a vegan restaurant wherein we ate banana bread, seitan sandwiches with spicy pesto, and tofu tacos with carrots and daikon. YUM. She had also baked for me so after an hour-and-a-half together I walked her back to her car and she gave me cookies. I told her thank you, hugged her, and she gave me her schedule for the coming weeks. I’m a little busy for a couple of weeks, and will have to decide what our second date will be.

I don’t usually go for dark girls.

I have a weird height thing.

She’s tiny, fit, and can probably give me a run for my money getting tan this summer. She manages a high rise in one of our park districts here and called herself the summer “Pool Boy.” She’s really feminine so that was a funny and slightly inaccurate analogy. I loved it. I’m looking forward to seeing her again.

I bought two pairs of hiking pants and two pairs of shorts at my favorite used outfittter and went home.

Brooklyn has not been doing well. She’s been “going to karaoke” with me for about 4-years. I was doing laundry and making psilocybin capsules by hand so I left her a VM. She called back awhile later and my son answered our landline and talked to her a little bit. She also cried on the phone when we spoke. I asked her if she’d like to meet Scorpio because we could come over. I also asked her if she’d like to buy one of my graphic novels.

Scorpio asked me to pick her up and I did. I told her the general area that we were going to, and later told her that it was Brooklyn’s house. I knew that they’d get along. We had Greek salads with grilled chicken, the two of them smoked half a joint, and we all walked over to Brooklyn’s neighborhood block party. We hadn’t been there long when Brooklyn got in charge of dumping shots into the ice luge. (I thought that it was an ice sculpture.) Then all the drunk men started noticing Scorpio.

I call this phenomenon, “Man Swarm.” It happens a lot.

Brooklyn is also super cute, so she wound up dancing–the band was good–with a guy from Louisiana. Not ten-minutes before he had loomed into Scorpio’s bubble although she was holding my hand and after talking to her a minute froze and then said, “You have beautiful eyes.” I agreed with him. The whole interaction was hilarious; however, he was a good dancer who could lead and Brooklyn had fun. It was time to go back to my house.

After dinner we’d also had the cookies that my date made. They were soooooo good. They were soft, gluten and dairy free so Scorpio could also eat them, and had cherry chocolate chips and dragon fruit pieces in them. My morning date had previously run a bed and breakfast, so she’s a talented baker. It gave me pause that she gave these to me on what would have been my mother’s 77th birthday. My Mom was an incredible baker.

Scorpio and Brooklyn are what I assumed that they’d be and that was fast friends. It was a good time and Scorpio and I were both happy heading back to my house.

I made tea for Scorpio and I and then we adjourned to bed.

The following morning Scorpio had a brunch to attend so I took her home.

I had a date at 1:30 via Meet.

As soon as she popped in the Meet I was drawn to her. I’m a sucker for redheads generally (Scorpio was one until her hair turned gray so she highlights it expertly and presents like a blond.). She has great eyes, bold energy, wore a green shirt, had light and excellent makeup on and I liked her earrings. We both liked each other. She begrudgingly gave me her phone number because she liked me so much. She told me that my Matchmaker was persistent about just having a conversation with me and before we hung up our Meet she told me that she is uninterested in a long distance relationship. I told her that was understandable and that I could come see her in July. I love Portland. We’ll see. I’m just going to text back and forth with her and see if she’s open to a friendship. Those connections can absolutely grow.

I’m ready to embrace a fun summer.

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Dates

I had one via video with a woman in Seattle who I liked on April 24th. She’d have been nice to get to know better; however, I think that she didn’t have the bandwidth for any distance and probably wasn’t that into me.

I had one on Tuesday.

No.

She had a lot of piercings up her ears, dyed blond spiky hair and really dark eyes. I would say too that as soon as the Meet opened she started talking and that she said fuck within the first 5-minutes.

I say fuck.

I don’t say it on a first date unless there is a dirty vibe between the woman and I.

I told my matchmaker that I didn’t feel like our energies match.

I was able to last 45-minutes and the whole thing felt a lot like speed dating. She wore me out.

I have a date this morning from a woman with whom I matched on the app. Incidentally, this is the app upon which I met MI–who came over for dinner last night–and also Scorpio. We’re taking a community walk and she’s still on my Burner number. I don’t think that I’m physically attracted to her; however, I do want to see in person.

I have a date tomorrow back on Meet at 1:30.

I rather enjoy dating in general. I like people and love them 1-1.

On Wednesday, Scorpio and I had a double date with a friend of mine who I’d met three-years ago in a now defunct polyamorous group and one of his partners. His wife (and nesting partner and mother to his two daughters) introduced me to my ex-GF. I used to attend a women’s discussion group that I really enjoyed and my buddy’s wife led it. She and I had a blow up and my ex-GF made me write her a letter a few months later. I wasn’t going to apologize yet did say that we had a misunderstanding. I’ll have to be cool with her and would NEVER trust her.

Anyway.

Scorpio and my buddy had a ton in common. They’d both been to Love Burn and were familiar with the same camps. They were giving me a hard time generally, which is something I really enjoy. My buddy’s partner can be a lot but she was fairly subdued. The first time that I met her she really turned me off. Then my buddy’s wife had a birthday party at a Hibachi and her GF was late so we were delayed, and she and I wound up talking. I enjoyed her. I learned during this double date that she doesn’t hear very well. That made her presentation in the discussion group make a ton of sense.

Back to the date.

We ate Thai in a restaurant between his house and my house and Scorpio got there via Uber. Then we went to a bar, but it was hot in there, there weren’t any seats available and there were SERIOUS hockey fans watching playoff games. So we went to another bar, I drank club soda, and then we all played pinball. It was super fun. Scorpio has that semi-bad girl vibe and she went out to the patio to get a little high. We all talked, met some people on the patio and then called it a night. We’ll go to mini golf and bumper cars together next month. I’m glad to have them because they’re poly too.

I think that this summer is going to be wonderful. I leave for my solo vacation in about 25-days and have plans with Scorpio to camp at a festival next weekend. For these next five weeks of spring and throughout the summer, I want to go on as many dates as possible. Hopefully, my two this weekend (which don’t include time with Scorpio) are wonderful.

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Connection

On Saturday, we were led in a walking mediation through the forest to a large labyrinth while our leader hit a hand drum in unison with the group members’ footfalls.

Incidentally, I was married in a different labyrinth in 2014.

This one covered about half the length of a football field and had soft sand throughout it.

I took my shoes off near a fallen tree and Scorpio and I noticed at the same time red ants all over it. We both moved our shoes.

Everyone walked the labyrinth until we stopped and sat. My bare feet felt so good in the warm sand.

I sat with my legs crossed as best as I can with my injuries to my back and missing the cartilage in my left knee.

Our guide led us through a walk to water wherein ourselves, our child, and our future selves played with other children from our group and made connection with the present moment. Toward the end we acknowledged our future forms. During the time in which she encouraged us to play with other children in our minds, the wind blew across all of us. (It felt as if she’d called in the wind.)

Our other guide had five quartz sound bowls and she walked the labyrinth slowly striking them after the mediation had been completed. The sound traveled through the circle and through our bodies. We all heard hummingbirds moving through the circle with the sound.

I’m not sure how long this mediation was. Time wasn’t important. I didn’t take pictures because I didn’t have my cell phone. In fact, I didn’t check it very much at all for most of the four days. This mediation and sound bowl healing connected me more to Scorpio and ensured that I had belonging with her friends.

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It’s not you

It is though.

And, I think it’s my webcam.

I had a good videoconference date on Tuesday night. That night is almost always off the table ten months out of the year, so I made it for 8:30 my time with a woman in Seattle.

We had reciprocal conversation. We went deep.

She had a GORGEOUS smile and was charming. Sweet and kind. Seemed to have her life on lock. And she was neutral about seeing me face-to-face. I knew it when I didn’t get any feedback for a couple of days.

It finally came in my inbox rather than through a call.

I was told that she found me down to earth, smart, curious, open, and easy to talk to, and that she enjoyed getting to know me. She spoke very warmly about the conversation and shared that this truly was not about anything missing in me or anything “wrong” with the connection itself. Ultimately, she shared that the hesitation came more from her own life positioning than from the date. In short: this was much more about timing and personal bandwidth than lack of appreciation.

The only thing that I can remember her saying to me in the first few minutes of our conversation was that she had written her bio “ages ago.” I was wondering why she still had it posted and agreed to a date?

Anyway, I don’t love my webcam. It zeroes in on my pores and age lines… The guy who took my passport picture in the fall told me not to smile because it makes people look like the Joker.

So, when I can’t get a phone call–being honest here that my voice is likely one of the best assets that I have–I’ll play with the Logi Options software that I’ve just downloaded.

3 dates to go.

Shitty, built-in webcams are more forgiving