I was ok yesterday until I got to the grocery store and then I had massive anxiety. I texted Hockey. When I got out of the store with my refilled water and bought fish oil, I popped on email and she’d declined meeting my best friend on Tuesday. I had a calendar notice. I thought that was the root of my anxiety–that I felt a shift.

I didn’t know until 7:00 pm or so that was barely the beginning.

I’m intuitive. I can feel things. It wasn’t a declining of an appointment.

Scorpio gone on my Instagram and written 3 comments about me on our two posts. One said that our Valentine’s Weekend was all based on lies and my being unhealthy in relationship. Another said that I was using her for sexual experiences and was planning on dumping her. The other said, “You’re a bullshite (sic.) and love bomber” and some other things that were mean. Consequently, I found out how to hide comments on Instagram. If she continues this behavior on my posts, I will block her. I wrote an email shortly afterward:

Scorpio,

I just popped on IG–been doing yard work since yesterday.  I would prefer not to have intense things on that platform.  Seems like making things public that are private.  That doesn’t feel great.  Can you refrain from that and we could maybe talk in person?  Thank you for your consideration.

Love,

TomBoy

I can’t understand laying into someone that you were crazy about and whom when you were back with her after a couple of days was reminded how incredible your connection and just holding each other felt. I’m hurt too and Thursday night felt awful and then I was immediately feeling a bit better when I walked out of her place. The thing that felt the worse was seeing her dog with his back to me looking down her hallway. He could sense all of it, and was probably simply really glad that she’d finally stopped yelling altogether.

Scorpio needs individual therapy. Yelling at someone during conflict, and continuing it when the person has asked you to stop, is never ok. Nor is continuing this intense and volatile behavior. The author told me that I simply needed to just feel my feelings and not dwell on why she’s behaving in this matter because I’ll never understand it or even know what is behind it. Regardless, this manner of attack isn’t reserved for me. Going forward as she attempts close, loving connections in lieu of casual encounters, she’ll have to examine the way in which she has conflict or she’ll continue these cycles of jettisoning opportunities for lasting love.

I’m still in love with her too. She has my heart and I don’t know when that will shift, if ever.