I have had a very longterm relationship, and another one that was around three-years or so. The latter was with a girl, and that was easier for me to navigate because I could still muster passion for her. With my ex-husband, we became barely connected partners, and I don’t want anything like that in the future.
I’m being punished for not going to her party. So, if we aren’t dating and we have sex like a PRN, and we are definitely NOT friends, why should I go to your party?!? Today, she e-mailed that I was invited to it and wasn’t there. No shit, Sherlock. “This is… My ex-girlfriend? An FB who I love, but can’t get my shit together with?” WTF?
We shall see if next Friday passes with no hook-up. I can’t hustle anymore. I just can’t.
I don’t know if when she is like this if that will even last. We don’t run into each other at all, and honestly I just want to be amiable when we do. I don’t know if even after she has moved through Christmas without her father if she will be any different with respect to me. I think for right now, I’m just going to bow out with no contact and see if we can hook-up next weekend. She asked for pictures of our tree–it is going up tomorrow.
I’m not one of those people who cares if I have a girl at Christmas or on New Year’s. That’s not my thing, because it’s contrived. I’m a lot of things, but I’m real, and without passion, I don’t dwell. I’m looking forward to buying a little tree tomorrow and decorating it with my son, and I’m also looking forward to the Nutcracker with him on Saturday. I think that I’ll also take him out for sushi.
I have been working like crazy. I did Monday – Wednesday night, but managed to meet a colleague on Tuesday for weights, but tonight I’m really looking forward to connecting with my son. I think that I’ll cook a favorite meal for him too. He’ll have to tag along and play air hockey and foosball tonight while my colleague and I lift. I can take Sat off from working out because I have to babysit, go to a six-year-old’s bday party and then we have our ballet. That seems good.
Thrills are not something that I seek. I don’t like neutrality though. I have this mug and it says, “would rather be alone than taken casually,” and I think that sums up who I am pretty well. I like my own company quite well and have tons of friends. I will be interesting to see how the next five weeks go by and develop.