So, I went out with a friend last night, and I really wish in most ways that I had known that my best friend was hosting a karaoke night, because that is much more my speed, but I did get some insights from the friend with whom I spent last evening. It really is great to have so many friends who work in mental health. She told me that our relationship has the perpetual flavor of “I will leave you first.” I can honestly say that I have never done that with a girl, so it is spurned by a super shitty dynamic that only she and I create. I get that she has a control and abandonment flavor, but no matter how sexy she is, I must not take her back. If I see her again and she has been sexually untoward, I must say, “I will definitely see you. Here are the three names for psychologists and social workers that I have. Phone screen them and tell me where to meet you or trust me and I will make the appointment.” That has to be it.
Additionally, I know in the bottom of my heart that she is interested in the woman with whom I will have a playdate and probably a couple of others who actually live in her county. I am intuitive, and she would not continue to ride my ass about “someone” if she didn’t have a woman closer than I who is a prospect. I am not going to text–something that I’m good at–and I have changed my mind about sending a letter asking for counseling. She, of course, emailed yesterday, and I wrote that I would go to couples’ counseling with her in a heartbeat, but ironically there is not time. And there isn’t! Like I always say, “We are not aging in reverse!”