My mentor introduced me to the work of Susan Scott and I use her work today. Over the weekend, and it took us talking about it 3-4 times again, Scorpio and I drilled down to the root of our problem.
It’s not about sex.
It’s not about objectification.
It’s about her feeling like she and I are a team.
She said that we have the ability to figure anything out and get creative.
In a Mineral Rights Conversation (Scott) is used when you have to think of the good of a group and an ideal outcome for your relationship.
One of Scorpio’s best friends is having a camp themed birthday party in the woods in three weeks.
When I learned that our first night of connecting alone was off of the table, I didn’t want to go at all.
That was met with sadness and anger.
I liked it when she named both of her emotions and also told me that I was acting like a baby. There wasn’t anything disingenuous about her approach and I love the way in which she deals with things so head-on. I also think that I was getting all worked up in an unhealthy fashion.
Describe a tough conversation that you’ve had in which you challenged your own thinking directly through having the ability to consider fully yours and another’s reality.
If my Enneagram isn’t referred to as the Protector or the Boss, it’s referred to as the Controller. Does it logically follow that I am controlling? I will tell you that I don’t like to be controlled.
Last night my new friend who has become like a BFF to me and Scorpio went to the Discussion Group that I’ve been going to for about 3-years. (The Women’s one in which I’d met my ex-GF has disbanded alongside that parent group.) We had a dinner before and yet had to move our plates into the discussion room as we weren’t done yet.
The discussion was good. I only contributed to a question regarding when you’re in a long-term relationship staying sexual. I think that conversation about what you’re dreaming about or where you see yourself is a good springboard for getting frisky. I probably should have said doing that laying down or holding hands when having this conversation would be best. Otherwise, I listened in on having new relationship energy (NRE) for things rather than people and having boundaries with your partners when you are experiencing life stress.
I was glad that someone introduced the last topic.
I felt like I had to bundle HBO and Max with my Disney and Hulu account. If I could dip out of work today I’d binge “The Dark Wizard.” I couldn’t just add those services for whatever reason and had to make a new password.
Then, I realized that I had to text my ex-GF. She uses my Disney for her daughter. Disney doesn’t really have rules and you can add accounts, so my son (who lives with me) and her daughter use the Disney that I pay for. I think that her daughter mostly uses it for watching the same scenes in “Moana.”
I wasn’t sure how to introduce this password change with her. So I sent a text:
“I added HBO and Max to _______’s and my account for Hulu and Disney and it didn’t allow the old password when I added these to the bundle. The new password is ___________ .”
A few hours later she texted, “Thank you!” so I put a thumbs up on that text.
She doesn’t respect my boundaries. In fact, because I have them and won’t text about loving her, took two months off from contacting her after she broke up with me, and generally don’t want to see her regularly, she texted that I am cold and have no concern for anyone’s wellbeing except my own. That’s her narrative which is fine. You can’t control anyone’s narrative or should you want to do so. People think what they want about you.
I think that boundaries are personal. And when someone has to attack your character or call you names when you have them instead of approaching you from a place of curiosity or even expresses disagreeing with your decision, you don’t need to have contact with the person.
Conversely, Scorpio made conversation with my friend, was charming and affectionate, met hew people and quietly engaged by her presence in group last night. Except for being water signs in their sun sign, they have nothing in common.
I went to this discussion group one time with my ex-GF and it was fine yet not connected. That’s how we are now. Fine and have no connection.
I was low energy this week and moody AF. I took two Z strain last night and also drank one cup each of valerian and melatonin tea. I feel really well this morning and will be able to to attack work.
When I was married, she and I became strangers rather quickly. It’s shocking to me that we stayed together as long as we did. It certainly wasn’t related to complacency. We fought like a mf.
I don’t mind fighting honestly. In fact, in my experience, it shifts things in your relationship and often, some changes accompany conflict.
Scorpio and I have been able to address an undercurrent that we have. I don’t need to revisit it; however, because it’s come up in February and in April, she may need to do so.
I’m sexually motivated. In fact, it’s been rare for me to have a romantic partner who is as sexually motivated as I am. Historically, I have had two who were and they weren’t women with whom I had a real relationship.
One was basically a defensive liar. She led with a lie about her career when she met me and then pulled a Bill Clinton. She was, like me, sexually motivated. I interact with her superficially sometimes and have for about 2-years and she grosses me out because she has never apologized for letting me run with her lie. The point is that we had a good sexual connection.
Another was a woman, who lived out of state and had also lived in AK for awhile, whom I really had nothing in common with beside sex. She reminded me a of a cowgirl. And we had really good sex. We spent a couple of weekends together and she helped me to spring into dating again after my heart was broken at a level that I’ll probably never have again, which is good.
I’m still like I was in 2009 and 2012 and that is a Solo.
My priority is my relationship that I have with myself and times that I have let that falter has affected my romantic partners.
To address my primary relationship I have since the pandemic lifted taken Solo Vacations when the academic year ends. This year it’s later than it usually is–yet still before it becomes summer–and I had to schedule it around my BFF’s and GF’s schedules. Although, I am a Solo, I care deeply about my connections.
I’m looking forward to the majority of my work winding down this year and recalibrating. I like to put the most healthy version of myself into relationships.
Scorpio came over for dinner last night. I think that we’ll see each other on Sunday. We talked about some things that we need to address and landed in a good place.
I have plans on Friday night and need to do yard work on Saturday if the weather holds. I’m going to text my son later today and see if he’ll give me an hour of his time for help.
Saturday, Scorpio has a birthday party out of town with her friend group. I didn’t even have to tell that I’m not into group things if they don’t have an efficient end. She’s so intuitive that she explained understanding the difference between a local party, one out of town and a whole weekend. I may or may not participate in a weekend party for one of her friends in early May. I’m leaning towards not.
I’m ready to date. I knew it for sure this morning when I woke up. I logged into the app which will go into the ether in about two-weeks and will only have the other app. That one has been getting some attention; however, it doesn’t go any further than some texting.
It would be so great to have an outdoor adventure partner. I would be down for a friendship like that which had a potential for some romance.
This morning, it was funny that one of my one day stands who doesn’t recognize me from the only picture that I have up now said, “Hi, ______. It’s refreshing to see a well-written profile to say the least.” I reminded her of our super hot one day stand on January 4th. I still credit her with the return of my mojo.
My matchmaker quit the company. I really liked her so it’s a loss. I got an email from Customer Service saying that they will find me one who is a good fit. Fingers crossed on that.
I’m going to get back to organic things. I’ll go to the Discussion Group on Monday–maybe Scorpio will accompany me–and my new BFF from the app that is sunsetting will definitely be there alongside of some of my other friends. Towards the very end of the month I have a cocktail hour with another poly group too. I’ll have club soda. I love that I don’t use substances much at all anymore. It’s interesting that I had a long-term friendship with beer. After some psilocybin microdosing it’s gone. I’ve had one beer this year and it was at an after party from the parade Valentine’s weekend in which Scorpio and I were walking around with her friends.
I also want to write a research paper so that I have some scholarly things that I can speak intelligently about with respect to topics related to my children’s book. I think that I can use contacts that I have at the two Universities in which I teach to do some type of presentation. I’m going to set up a business account for sales, and do more marketing. However, one of the things that I have to dedicate time towards is having more scholarly and academic background in the topic.
My academic year is winding down, which is good.
And I have to get my solo vacation for June arranged.
I have now spent four nights in a row with Scorpio. We laugh constantly, ask each other good questions, are touching each other always, and find magic and beauty everywhere we go. And we simply keep talking and working on things. We’re super compatible.
One of her friends was turning 57 so she decided to throw herself a birthday party. I drove and took Scorpio to it so she could do whatever she wanted. When we left that night she said to her friends, “Because sober (and pointed to me) and then she said, ‘not sober,'” while she referenced herself.
The following morning we drove to the southwest for a vacation. We had three nights together and a standalone casita at a B&B.
I wanted to her to see one of my favorite places on earth. I had spent my first honeymoon mostly in the town that we’d first driven to and have been going back for years. We ate dinner in the town and walked around a little bit before driving on to another county to our B&B.
I love chile rellenos and this one was phenomenal and unique
I’ve written about this factor before and it’s that I can’t get in hot springs or hot tubs. However, I thought it super important that Scorpio have some hot springs times. There is a world famous one around where we were staying, but I didn’t want to do something that everyone does. I like standing out when I’m dating a woman. So, she and I took a hike and went to a wild one.
One of the pools was in the 90s and the other one at its depths reaches 106. Everyone was clothed so Scorpio didn’t take off her bikini bottom, but she did soak topless. All of it was hot.
There was a guy in the top pool with us. After awhile, he began conversation with us both. He was an artist and somewhat of a poet. He left the pool to go to the river and I couldn’t believe that he was swimming in it. When he came back I remarked on that and he told me to go and it would be good medicine. I told him that it was too cold. He said, “That’s not very Scorpio of you.” I realized that he was referencing my largest tattoo as I was in a bikini and I told him that was just my Moon. I stood up and said, “What am I?” while exposing it sideways and he said, “A Virgo,” and I said, “Yes, and can you see my ascendent? It’s in Libra.” I can’t remember exactly what he said, but it had to do with how troubling my combo is and I said that emotional turmoil is pretty common for me.
Then I got bold and popped out of the pool, crossed the lower muddy one and dipped my feet in the river. It was so frigid and immediately made me shiver so I just slid into it. Then I got out and sat looking at it. The artist said, “Ten seconds! Just breathe into it.” I submerged my entire body and looked into the canyon counting. My heart was pounding and I had to continue to remind myself to breathe. I began slowly counting. When I got out, a couple in the low pool said that I was in there longer than 10-seconds. I’m proud. I like being tough.
I had neglected to remember my change of clothes. They were back at the B&B. That was a potentially problematic thing because we had dinner reservations for a super nice restaurant on Sunday night. Scorpio said that she would dress me. We stopped into a cannabis lounge, and both went to the bathroom together and she said that I was absolutely not staying in a wet bikini top. I’ve definitely been without panties a few times in my life, but not without a bra… I stayed in my t-shirt and Scorpio lent me her overalls which were capris on her and hit me above my ankle. I put on sandals and subbed out my Hokas. I was presentable.
Scorpio is so nurturing.
We had a wonderful dinner. We had a long drive back and I smoked my first legal pot that I’ve ever had. It was a 1-1 ratio of CBD and THC and caused me a great, mellow high. I was so glad not to get paranoid. I think that I smoked pot from 29-34; although I lose track of the dates the main thing that I remember was that it was well before there were dispensaries and such.
The next day we did an art gallery and trekked around together. We had a late lunch at one of my favorite restaurants in the world. I bought her a bracelet and then we wound up on a rooftop. I had peppermint tea and she drank a latte. We got back to our B&B at a reasonable hour and she built a roaring fire that she tended to for hours.
I told her specifically that I loved her and that I was so grateful for this vacation.
The next day she had to work in the morning and then we left for home. She played a poem for me when we were in a mountain pass. We talked through our communication patterns, what we hope that we could be building, and then when we were both ready to starve, found a restaurant about 2-hours from home and had dinner by a river.
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