Tag Archives: Enneagram

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Songs and Scams

From one of the best films of 1989:

“That’s not even a scam!”

“What’s a scam?’

“Going out as friends.”

“No, it’s not; a scam is lusting.”

[in unison] “Then what’s a date?”

“A date is prearrangement with the possibility for love.”

[whispering] “Then what is love?”

I adore Cameron Crowe. I believe with my whole body the dialogue that he writes and his actors execute. I think people 10-15 years younger than me tend to read currently my blog. First of all, thank you, as it curbs loneliness and secondly watch “Say Anything.”

I went out with the nice guy last night. His gf bailed as did his friend and one of his dance partners who was going to bring a friend. There was a young, hot redhead. I gave her a hug at the end of the night. The KJ was in training under the normal KJ and she didn’t have the balance of the music right, so I was pretty mid. It’s cool. I’ll probably just buy one of those karaoke machines for my house which is compatible with Spotify after I pay off my ex-wife. My God can he sing! He’s even on testosterone and nailed his song.

On the way home I told him that I want to have 2-3 partners. He said that then they all want to do stuff with you at the same time. I said, “Then don’t trip out. Make plans and follow through on those and be honest. I see this idea of mine as very different than dating. It’s an adventurer, someone to go to music venues with, and with whom to tool around, and another to look at art and go to dinner with. Everyone STD tests and discloses and I live my life as do the women.” He told me that I should talk to the climber who has a polyamorous commmunity. I said, “I don’t want to get set up. I’ll meet people organically. I have a scam tomorrow night.”

I went back to the bar, because he was too tired and I had to take him home. I hung out up front. I had given the bartender my copy of “Our Kids.” She wants to go into politics. She needs to read it. How is it that my generation will be the last homeowners? Millennials and Z will have to cohabitate and likely with several people to own. That’s fucked. I sang one more time and had to pay $10, hugged the redhead and went home.

I am scamming tonight. The Vegan and I are hitting the wine bar. I won’t order wine, because I have rules with alcohol and she stopped drinking. I have not touched her since October when I’d not seen her in months and we were both in a live training having texted during the virtual components. I did not hug her at the convention or at lunch. There is something uptight about her. She used to be sarcastic and she isn’t now nor does she tease in a sardonic way, but I think that I am too flawed for her. I slept with my Boss in 2007, and I don’t want an exclusive relationship. I’m still glad to have a scam tonight. I don’t think that it involves lusting and is simply going out as friends. Again, it’s social and curbs my loneliness. I’m a sexual or 1-1 variant via the Enneagram, so hanging with one person tends to be my comfort zone. I like the intensity of connection with a person and feeling energy of that person completely.

I am persnickety as fuck. I can’t bowl with a splinted finger. I sucked on Wednesday. I can’t sing when I can’t hear myself. I think that I need to gain more skill with being off my A-game!

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Challenger / Protector / Boss

What do I want to work on? Conflicts. I don’t care about them at work. There are some unreasonable consumers that I have for stakeholders, so I just disengage. I guess that is normal for who I am via the Enneagram because when I get stressed out I withdraw and think about my own things which are often pessimistic. The approach reads like a turtle. In the shell, head buried, stay in there, and then when you come out have a strategy. That’s gross. It is the natural stress point though with becoming an investigator when you’re under stress and are a Challenger.

One time in one of my buildings we were all stuck at work late at night because we are public servants and sometimes little makes sense and is a rule or simply bureaucratic. We were reading the Enneagram stuff and when it got to parts about an unhealthy 8, it basically described razing the area and everyone in the path to the ground whilst self-destructing. Hahahahaha.

The photographer said that I don’t seem like an 8, and that’s because I feel most comfortable living in the Giver and Helper, which is the heart of the 8. Like me, the climber is also an 8. I noticed that she only uses one noun to describe it: Protector. The photographer is a 3 and the term Achiever resonates with her. She told me that she is working on not having to accomplish daily.

I need to work on conflict. I am wondering if taking a walk would help the turtle. At that first twinge of disappointment / disagreement just say, “This situation seems to be going in circles. I’m going to take a walk, and come back in an hour. I value you and don’t want to say anything that is solely in anger.” I need to operate from a place of empathy when I come back and acknowledge any harm that I have caused.

Do you fight with lovers who you don’t live with and with whom you make concrete plans and only concentrate on those? I don’t think that you do. We had plans to climb the artificial wall at the Rec Center and those had to halt because we had a late meeting and celebration which ensued after the meeting was over. I didn’t trip out. And she didn’t trip out when I couldn’t find my car that night. She also had to cancel when she got rebound symptoms on 11/11 when we had plans. I didn’t trip out. I texted her that if she’d like we should go to a play, symphony or ballet sometime because I didn’t know how my hair looked straightened since I stop dyeing it, and we should do so and get dressed up together. She thought about it for three-weeks and then asked and we did it! No fight. No conflict. Not that we’re lovers… Yet.

I haven’t spent enough time with the photographer to test my evolving theory. I hope that she can make Tuesday work, because I had to flake out on indoor climbing and dinner plans with my old work husband and his real wife. Now, he’s got to reschedule those. I just have to watch the weather for winter summits. Those can be really impossible in windy conditions.

When the photographer and I got back to the trailhead where I parked on Sunday, I’d asked her if I could take her to lunch and she said that she had a 4 o’clock and that made me really conscious of the time. I think that I got back to her car at 3, so she made it. She said that she would not have any plans after our plans for the next get together. Again, no conflict. I still need to work on my skills with them though.