I have been working way too much this week. It will reach 60-hours. I finish up my class on Sunday. So, today in between some house repairs, running a carpet cleaner at my parent’s house, and paying some bills, I have got to go to the university to computer score two personality inventories, and I still have to write three reports.
I was child-free last night after my son’s game and meeting with my pastor about my sermon next Sunday, but I couldn’t go out. My son brought home a simply hideous virus that is mostly just in my throat now, but there was a period of time that I had eaten two granola bars and quinoa salad; although, it’d been over two days. Although I have hardwoods, I didn’t want to do what my son had done on the carpet at my parent’s house. It’s been a helluva week.
I think that things are shifting for me though. I would like to go out tonight and have a glass of wine. I had to cancel my outdoor rock climbing class on Saturday because I’ve been too sick. I have a beer festival though. 🙂 I’ll need to print those tickets tomorrow morning too. I don’t have a client until 10. I told my roommate, who is NEVER home, that I don’t date anymore, but I pair down. What I do is hang out, work out, go to my friend’s houses for dinner and such, or just meet other’s friends and kick around. It’s like information mining. Only my friends know that I’m ready to settle down. Organic is my approach, and the last few girls have been easily eliminated as possible love interests after a little data gathering.
Shane was supposed to call my son last night, but I didn’t turn out having him. I moved it until next Tuesday. So, she’s been “going to call him” since January, and it’s going to be July. Nice. It’s more odd to me that she affects this close relationship fantasy. She spent two weekends and two sustained weeks with him 2.5-years ago. And the latter killed her. She cried, she raged, she wouldn’t have sex with me for 6-days, and of course, she drank like a fish. But, I always say, and I mean this statement, “People are doing the best with what they got.” She can jump out of airplanes, but she doesn’t have 24-7 resolve to parent. She can be an aunt who drops in and out.
I think that I mentioned that I had a good conversation with Bette. I think that she will get to a point in the next two years when she can really start to address her moods. She still says that now that she has had a year’s space from her grief that she is doing well, but in a same breath she can scratch the surface with the hurt that she has over her two older kids who don’t talk to her anymore. I think that those demons will have to be addressed, and if I had to bet, I’d say that they will be in time. That’s her journey though.
I’ve been writing about my brother. He’d be thirty this year… I can remember a lot of things about him, and always wonder what he’d be like now. It’s a story that I’ve never really told in total, and now I’ll be telling it to a handful of people who I know, and others who are part of my church, the whole story. It’s an exercise in being vulnerable. That is good for me. I’m on a track that is doing the best with what I got.