I’m at a bad point with my celibacy. I guess that at this stage of my life, I don’t do well at the 6-month mark. Scrubs was supposed to call me this morning, and I guess that she’s not. But it’s not like she is in a place to aid my celibacy, because she is still in love with her ex; although, she thinks that she can hang out with her with the understanding that she can do so carefully and try to avoid getting hurt. That is a tall order. But, speaking of length, that would not be a situation that I would want to touch with a ten-foot pole.
I dreamt about Bette last night. It was blended with one of my best friends, because the setting was a dog rescue that was going to be partially a source for a documentary. (One of my best friends is an animal activist and therapy dog trainer.) We were working together with two of the dogs. Awhile later, she kissed me and it felt really good, and while we kept kissing, I took off her clothes. I can remember the way that everything felt. It is actually funny the level of detail that I can remember about being with her, and I don’t have a charge anymore while I sit here and type, but it was very nice in the dream. That portion of the dream ended when owners of the dogs who were there to show parts of the rescue had come to get their animals. We had to quickly get dressed, but were both flushed, so it was easy to tell what had been going on.
Last night after most of a Day B–I didn’t finish because my partner had gotten there way before me and I want to have all of my energy for tomorrow–we made some dinner. We stayed up very late last night laughing and talking. It was so much fun.
I told her that when Scrubs was ready, that I would just fine with being her rebound sex, because I just would really like some sex. I told her that I could say, “I know that we are not meant to be in a relationship together, but if you need some distance between your ex, I’m fine with giving you some intimate attention.” I kept writing about and thinking that she just doesn’t seem consistent. She resurfaces every once and awhile and this is really the only time that she has said that she was going to call and didn’t. She knows that 5 is my typical start time too. It could be that she got called in earlier or something, but I tend to think that she just forgot. I’m sure that when you are trying to navigate things with your ex, you get kinda inconsistent. I know that I did. But, there is something else about her that I don’t understand, but gives me pause. We shall see as we hang out.
I really don’t want to do anything with the Designer and her Partner. That has layers of stuff that I would rather avoid. I do wonder what their friends are like though. Honestly, if it’s not an interesting time, with all the happenings this weekend, I will probably leave and go downtown and kick around. I just need to get out and do things. It’s not that I need to take some girl home, it’s that I would like to have some options of getting to know you stuff at some point. Perhaps it is not meant to be very soon, and I’m honestly fine with that.
When I met Shane, we had that chemical attraction and then had the most stimulating conversation about digital diploma mills and technology’s effect on relationships. It was an incredible conversation, and I still can’t believe that it happened in a bar. I had one mission that night, which incidentally was four-years ago in five days, and that was that I wanted to have sex, so I took her to the train station and then we made out. I said, “Do you really have to go home, ” and she said, “No, I can do something else,” and I said, “Like come to my house?”
But past does not necessarily have to be prelude. Let’s say that I sleep with a woman on Sunday… I think that I have dated enough to sleep with a different kind of girl than my last two super controlling gfs. That is not the order of operations that I wanted to follow per se, because I do know what sleeping with girls who I don’t know has yielded. But, if I apply the same logic to my being single, I do have to realize that there are probably some women who are single who have been so for some time out and about, and with this weekend being Pride weekend, they may be out in droves.