I think that I casually mentioned that Shane had written the same day or day after I had to sit in a presentation with my coming-out affair.  It’s so odd to have a coming out affair when you were 33, but my hs and college gfs were covert.  Anyway, the delusional one is not my coming-out affair. I gave her a simple hug and had a professional conversation.

Shane is super delusional though.  She wrote a disjointed letter that my son barely listened to and sent a complicated star device and a toy plane.  My son is 7.  He cannot interpret the stars and the wheels would take my perceptually-challenged self hours to interpret, so it’s just buried somewhere.  He has not played with transportation devices in three-years.  She is like one of those unfortunate distant relatives who we all have who still think that we are suspended in toddlerhood or something.  The saddest part of that is that she thinks that they have this relationship.  If she wants one, she would have to call him once a month, as he changes quickly.  Sad, really.  I do wish her the best, and wrote her a thank you email that day.

So, unfortunately, when you have kids and you spend over a year with someone, you and your kids interact.  Hell, Bette and I even did blended weekends for awhile, but I promptly stopped those early in 2012.  I still miss her son.  He is a gem.  She’s super lucky that he won’t remember me at all.  My son has been asking to talk to her for a couple of months, but like most seven-year-olds, he loses interest and lacks follow-through.  Well, not last night.  He was adamant about talking to her.  Of course he did have to leave her a message.  She left him a voice recording the following morning, which was today.  I played it for him and he asked to call her back.  He took my landline in my bedroom, his dog, and left.  I unloaded the dishwasher.  He came out shortly later.  Then I got two texts.  One was thanking me.  The other was apologizing if I took offense at one of her comments.  I said, “I have no idea what you’re referring to.  He sequestered himself in a bedroom with the dog.”

She talked about him at length.  I responded.  She honestly is a pretty good mother.  I think she’s harsh as all get out and I don’t want to be her friend, but she is honestly one of those people who has a soft spot in her heart for kids.  She asked to take him for a burger this weekend, but I explained that he has rehearsals Friday and Saturday, but that she could see him anytime that she wanted to.  I sent her two recent photos of him, and one had my intern in it.  She thought it was my gf, and I said that she is a 29-year-old str8 intern, but that I had a good gay story, so I left it on a voice recording.  I’ll reproduce it in brief here, because it’s funny.

I’ve been cross training since November with my workout partner.  She knows my son well though, because she is working with him as she is a Speech Pathologist.  My son reads too well to qualify for speech, but he has a lateral lisp.  This information is bg, and not the story.

Here is the story, and why I was with this particular girl, who I’ve been cross-training with this school year.  We were walking our dog after lifting weights and eating dinner.  She was talking to my son about his gf.  My son is super tall and actually very good looking.  A 5th grade girl called this house this year and left a VM and completely freaked me out, but again that is just more context.  Anyway, he likes this girl in his class who happens to be Black.  My workout partner said, “Do you like Black Girls?”  He answered, “Oh, yes.”  She said, “I like Black guys.”  My son said, “We are the same.  But, we are straight.”  There was a long pause and my son said, “You’re the gay one, Mom.”

It was funny.  My son is a bit of a nut.  That was a good exchange, was not overly personal, but was not an invitation into my personal life, but was about my son.  So, I thought that would be good, but she texted again a very stupid joke.  I let it go with no response, so 5-hours later she left me a long voice recording with race tips, and offers to send photos about her race.

Jeez.  I finished my 5-mile, and had fun.  I can finish my crazy half.  I don’t need advice.  Having a friendship with someone who doles out advice and tips is not a friendship.  Honestly, it reminds me of a stereotypical man who must be the best (Most of her tips were based on the race and her training that she had just completed, and how they could help me.) and be the one to help and fix.  Ani says it best, “I’m not a kitten stuck up in a tree, and I don’t need to be rescued.”  Also, when will she get that I didn’t ask?  I don’t need her for a friend or anything else.  I don’t appreciate unsolicited advice either.  If she wants to see my son, she’s more than welcome to take him snowboarding or out to eat or whatever.  I don’t need her.  She has strange ideas about relationships with exes in general.