I’m unsure if I will ever get to have a conversation with my former girlfriend. I’m tending toward thinking that just reconnecting with our kids occasionally, and starting that after the first of the year is best. One of my friends said it best, “I’m ready for a relationship–PSYCH!” Although I laughed really hard and it made me feel better and like she got it, it’s actually really sad. If you think that starting that conversation in any type of text is ok, then honestly, you are really a mess. I have compassion for her. That is bad judgment and lacks some empathy too. Although I do love her, I wouldn’t want to talk to her at this point. And, I’m not going to. When she calls, I will listen the voicemail and when I can will text, “I don’t want to take your calls. You initiated this topic of conversation in email, so it’s just as well that this thread ends there. I’ll shoot you an email tonight. Maybe we can connect in person with our kids in a few months. _______ loves your boys.”
You may remember the-girl-next-door or my friend from the swings. This is how I met her. I was off with my ex, because that is what she would do, she would break up with me for months. It was the summer of 2012. One of my dearest friends was home from HI at that point, and I went to one of her friend’s houses who is kinda my friend too. A woman who I had heard about for nearly ten-years was supposed to also come to her house because she had just moved back from the NW, and I had just met her sisters. They were really cute. All strawberry blonds, tall, and lanky. Then, enter HER–she was chilling and resting when I got in the house. In a sundress so her sleeve tatt was completely exposed. Some moments actually are breathtaking. We shook hands and then she smiled her sweet smile. I kept thinking, “Why did you JUST have to have met a new girl?!?”
But, that was June of 2012. Flashforward to February of this year when I had dinner with her and her same girlfriend who she had just met upon moving home. That night was pivotal for me. I was still very attracted to her, but because I felt so at ease in her mother’s house (They were house sitting.) and around them, I just tabled it. The night was incredible. I posted the food, which is a little crazy as I blog incognito, but what was most salient was that I just had easy fun. I never had times like that with my ex. I don’t mean this six-week stint with the beautiful woman, but I mean the woman who has imparted so much to me, that I can’t be anything, but grateful. Most times with her were miserable or she was on my ass. This night with the-girl-next-door and her girlfriend was a blast. It was fun and easy. It fueled me.
Then we had that Sunday afternoon this past March. The one in which her girlfriend was doing homework. We actually played on the swings! Then my crush began. So, it started as a love at first sight thing, and then moved into a crush that I tabled. However, we must also note that when I found out that she was single late this summer, I was THRILLED. Then I found out that another woman was in that mix; although, it was that both of them had another woman who they slept with, those resulted in impacts. I think that open is hard to do well, and that is the one thing that makes me jealous. I’m not a jealous person, but sex and kissing is something that I don’t want my girlfriend to be doing with anyone else while she is with me.
Her relationship ended on Saturday, and I think that mine did too, but I was foolish, and didn’t know it until very late on Sunday night. When we hung up on Saturday morning, she said, “I’ll text you later.” She never contacted me again. So, I just did what I had been doing over the last three-weeks and that was send her a well-wishing email. I certainly received her perspective, but just can’t follow what she does. I was only supposed to connect with her on Friday with our friend, and our boys, and then she told me her plans with them and the start time on Saturday, and I said, “Why don’t you just get that all settled there, and then text when you’re ready for another adult to join and I’ll just meet up with you?” She liked that then. That is the case with her, she likes some ideas on the fly, but then who knows what will still sound good to her. That now includes me. I’m worth way too much.
So, here I am. I’m seeing a woman on Thursday for dinner who has always been my friend, but who I have had a crush on for over a year-and-a-half. She needs some space. She has not been with the woman who was in the middle of her breakup with her girlfriend in a month, but she has had some dates with another woman. This particular woman is only friendship material though.
I just got out of something that had major potential from only my pov at the beginning of this week. So, I am going to need a minute too. I just want space from the woman who I was dating.
Dinner with the-girl-next-door. I don’t need to kiss her. I do want to get my arms around her and laugh with her. She is also easy for me. My son will be there, because she has always known my son. She is really good with him too. My heart was about to burst watching her with him this past March. (That entry is entitled, “A little danger,” or something to that effect, if you’re interested.)
He never fails to notice anything, so I’ll just bet that when we are driving back home that he will ask again and again if he will still get to see the boys. That’s what I will preserve. I don’t have any plans to begin those efforts for awhile. She needs space to get through telling me that she doesn’t want to date. I need some space from having the tablecloth pulled off the table, but then realizing that the stemware is unscathed. I can thank my ex for that. She has ensured that I am nearly formidable.