Tag Archives: self-love

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Solo

I was low energy this week and moody AF. I took two Z strain last night and also drank one cup each of valerian and melatonin tea. I feel really well this morning and will be able to to attack work.

When I was married, she and I became strangers rather quickly. It’s shocking to me that we stayed together as long as we did. It certainly wasn’t related to complacency. We fought like a mf.

I don’t mind fighting honestly. In fact, in my experience, it shifts things in your relationship and often, some changes accompany conflict.

Scorpio and I have been able to address an undercurrent that we have. I don’t need to revisit it; however, because it’s come up in February and in April, she may need to do so.

I’m sexually motivated. In fact, it’s been rare for me to have a romantic partner who is as sexually motivated as I am. Historically, I have had two who were and they weren’t women with whom I had a real relationship.

One was basically a defensive liar. She led with a lie about her career when she met me and then pulled a Bill Clinton. She was, like me, sexually motivated. I interact with her superficially sometimes and have for about 2-years and she grosses me out because she has never apologized for letting me run with her lie. The point is that we had a good sexual connection.

Another was a woman, who lived out of state and had also lived in AK for awhile, whom I really had nothing in common with beside sex. She reminded me a of a cowgirl. And we had really good sex. We spent a couple of weekends together and she helped me to spring into dating again after my heart was broken at a level that I’ll probably never have again, which is good.

I’m still like I was in 2009 and 2012 and that is a Solo.

My priority is my relationship that I have with myself and times that I have let that falter has affected my romantic partners.

To address my primary relationship I have since the pandemic lifted taken Solo Vacations when the academic year ends. This year it’s later than it usually is–yet still before it becomes summer–and I had to schedule it around my BFF’s and GF’s schedules. Although, I am a Solo, I care deeply about my connections.

I’m looking forward to the majority of my work winding down this year and recalibrating. I like to put the most healthy version of myself into relationships.

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Breakups

Brooklyn made me risotto last night and we hung out for 3-hours and drank a bottle of wine. I brought a nice salad and she had out bread. I don’t eat bread often and ate all of it and used a lot of her butter 🙂 A boyfriend, who is also from NY, and still lives there, is no longer a part of her life due to a breakup. I said that we should go to open mic and I will play some minor chords while she reads his texts in beat cadence. A good idea that.

McGraw (2024) discusses in his book how breakups can generally be designed. I think that this concept is much more than something like a prenup, given not only that it was written by a lifelong bachelor; but if you decide how much you talk or not after you break up there is less emotional tumult. McGraw (2024) also discusses building and designing generally with relationship.

I am a relationship anarchist. I don’t want to follow the rules of eventual cohabiting and blending finances ever again. I’ve certainly given that the college try as I have mostly lived with other people. I think that when July hits, this period of my life will be the longest stretch of solo living

Let’s see:

  • I moved out when I was almost 19
  • I lived in an apartment off of campus my sophomore year of college and my gf started staying there nearly every night
  • I lived in married student housing in my first round of graduate school for 10-months and then got married
  • I lived with my first spouse for 9-10 years (We were married for nine.)
  • I lived with my son for 17-years
  • I lived with my second spouse for 8-9 years (We were married for eight.)

I think that negotiation and communication are essential when you start a new friendship or romantic relationship. Even the latter is up for debate really. Some people wouldn’t consider several kisses in a row to be romantic. That is the stuff that needs to be communicated. Contact does too in terms of how much communication one wants. Moreover, breakups can be as intentional as the startup and don’t have to be a crash.