June 19, 2026 by TomBoy

West

I was in a pretty rough frame of mind when I took my 6th solo vacation last week.

I’d left two days after an appointment with a new psychologist–incidentally, I saw him again yesterday and he was shocked that I hadn’t contacted Scorpio and I told him that I never would and the only way I’d consider anything in the future with her was if she’d meet with me in mediation–and headed by plane to Missoula. I felt a little bit this way when I went to Maine in 2022, but I was much more heartbroken this time heading to MT and ID.

I was in a Toyota Grand Highlander. I was supposed to have a RAV-4, and this felt like a boat and guzzled gas; however, I had no choice.

I headed to my suite, which I learned later was on Grant’s Creek. That was fortuitous. I talked with the clerk and said that I wanted to go hike to the big M. She’d never done that before as she was from a small town in MT and tends toward loving forest hikes. Her colleague had run it in 10-minutes, so I figured that I’d be able to walk up it in half an hour.

I also went to Clark Fork which had a pedestrian and bike trail and ate a burrito looking at the water while beginning to relax into my vacation. I walked the trail a little bit too. Missoula is gorgeous.

I went back to my room and got cleaned up. Then I took my nature journal down to the creek, sketched, drank water and truly settled into the week.

Then I drove to dinner. I had made one reservation this trip. Boxcar Bistro didn’t disappoint. My whole meal was phenomenal.

MT raised (35-minutes from the restaurant) NY strip with chimichurri (Yes, it was the best steak that I’ve ever eaten)

I got quite a bit of sleep and woke up later than I’d have liked to drive to the West Rim of Glacier National Park. I learned that you’d need 7-10 days there in reality, but had a wonderful day of 10-miles of hiking on various trails and ate lunch on Lake McDonald.

I wrote out four postcards, got them stamped and sent from the West Rim Post Office and began my drive back to Missoula. I stopped at the liquor store and picked up nachos. I drank two beers in my room and ate the nachos. I was reeling from the beauty. Glacier reminded me of the Grand Canyon. You can’t process the beauty that you’re seeing. I have been to 40 states now and think that MT is one that I’d revisit if I had more days than I do because of the profundity of nature there.

The next day I had to drive to Idaho. The whole drive was a tease because it was beautiful to drive the Salmon River, but I couldn’t stop and had to get to my inn. It took me about five hours to get to the Sawtooth Range. Originally, I was to visit some ghost towns, and didn’t wind up doing that. I was weary from being in the car that long.

Idaho is beyond gorgeous. Rough, rural, rugged and like it was in the Smokies, I could be on trails entirely by myself. Because my inn had a shuttle, I didn’t use my car for three days. I just parked it at the inn and it remained there. I hated that Grand Highlander anyway. It deserved a time out.

I took all the time in. I also learned to river raft. That was a first time experience. We did an 11-mile guided paddle.

The town has Gold Tier International Dark Sky Stargazing designation

In addition to rafting, I hiked and stargazed. The sun doesn’t completely set until after 10 pm in Idaho. And the stars don’t come out until well after 11 pm. It was worth it, and my phone was unable to capture the blanketed dome of stars all around me. The experience was most definitely a bucket list one that I didn’t know that I had.

I begrudgingly got back in my car on Tuesday morning to drive the Salmon River again. I got to Missoula around 2 pm and ate in a cafe. It’s a bit difficult to park in Missoula, so I googled a park near me and walked it a few times and then walked a neighborhood before I returned the car and flew back home. The wind was super scary yet I still enjoyed my walk after eating.

I am so lucky that I am able to take these solo vacations when the academic year winds down annually. I’ll keep doing them until I can’t walk well. In all, I walked 30-miles during the 6-days that I was there. Because I did drive over 750-miles too, I’m glad that I spent as much time as I was able to on foot. I learned to raft too. This trip was one of the best that I have had for my mental health.

April 10, 2026 by TomBoy

Solo

I was low energy this week and moody AF. I took two Z strain last night and also drank one cup each of valerian and melatonin tea. I feel really well this morning and will be able to to attack work.

When I was married, she and I became strangers rather quickly. It’s shocking to me that we stayed together as long as we did. It certainly wasn’t related to complacency. We fought like a mf.

I don’t mind fighting honestly. In fact, in my experience, it shifts things in your relationship and often, some changes accompany conflict.

Scorpio and I have been able to address an undercurrent that we have. I don’t need to revisit it; however, because it’s come up in February and in April, she may need to do so.

I’m sexually motivated. In fact, it’s been rare for me to have a romantic partner who is as sexually motivated as I am. Historically, I have had two who were and they weren’t women with whom I had a real relationship.

One was basically a defensive liar. She led with a lie about her career when she met me and then pulled a Bill Clinton. She was, like me, sexually motivated. I interact with her superficially sometimes and have for about 2-years and she grosses me out because she has never apologized for letting me run with her lie. The point is that we had a good sexual connection.

Another was a woman, who lived out of state and had also lived in AK for awhile, whom I really had nothing in common with beside sex. She reminded me a of a cowgirl. And we had really good sex. We spent a couple of weekends together and she helped me to spring into dating again after my heart was broken at a level that I’ll probably never have again, which is good.

I’m still like I was in 2009 and 2012 and that is a Solo.

My priority is my relationship that I have with myself and times that I have let that falter has affected my romantic partners.

To address my primary relationship I have since the pandemic lifted taken Solo Vacations when the academic year ends. This year it’s later than it usually is–yet still before it becomes summer–and I had to schedule it around my BFF’s and GF’s schedules. Although, I am a Solo, I care deeply about my connections.

I’m looking forward to the majority of my work winding down this year and recalibrating. I like to put the most healthy version of myself into relationships.

October 14, 2025 by TomBoy

Maritime

I saw every kind of weather in Boston. I ate some of the best meals I have ever eaten. From my small sample size there and in Provincetown, the scene is pretty butch. Boston is the easiest city that I’ve been to to get around via foot, trains, and buses. It’s clean, well-kept, and safe too. The weather, however, is not for the feint of heart.

Day 1 – bright and sunny, lobster roll flight and shrimp roll, best non-alcoholic drink in the world: The Maine Root Ginger Beer, and 19, 323 steps

Day 2 – warm, breezy and almost fall like, toured Harvard, saw what could’ve been a scene from “The Boys on the Boat” on the river, and walked to the business school. Ate unique and delicious brussels sprouts, oysters which were as good as those I ate in Knoxville with different flavor and Faroe Island salmon with lovely fennel bulbs (I still don’t like parsnips :/), and walked 19,217 steps

Day 3 – the ferry ride to Provincetown right before a Nor’easter blew in. I walked all over Provincetown and some of the beaches (even to Pilgrims’ First Landing) in my raincoat, ate awesome food at The Lobster Pot and Tin Pan Alley and heard a great piano and saxophone act after dinner at the latter. This day had 25,445 steps.

Day 4 -raining sideways in Boston. Even with the umbrella that I bought, I was wishing for hiking pants. Wet denim was awful. I went back and forth from the New England Aquarium and ate at Chart House. My lowest step count at 12,567