Tag Archives: Romance

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Three

Didn’t seem like a lot to navigate for me last night.

The author turned 60 and had a potluck party.

The woman that I have been seeing just shy of a month (4-days) made little spears of appetizers. They had fresh mozzarella, basil, tomatoes, a tortellini, and a folded slice of salami on them. I think that she’d drizzled some olive oil on them and also a few dried herbs–she may have grown those. The author was excited about them. Although she’d probably made 40 of them, there were very few left when we departed.

I bought beer, lemon La Croix, Waterloo, and Spindrift and filled up my cooler.

My metamour was with us the whole night.

We drove up together and left together.

This particular friend group is almost all polyamorous and bisexual. So, we fit together well.

At one point someone was asking my metamour how he knew the author and he talked about his fiancée and then said, “And ______’s her girlfriend,” and nodded to me.

That gave me pause.

We got back really late to their house and she asked me if I was coming in and I said that I was. I sat in their office and we all talked for a long time while their dog hung out with us and their cat visited and also ran around the house because it was late.

Neither of them had seen “One Battle After Another,” and we made plans to watch it together on Tuesday. My girlfriend is taking me to a comedy club on Wednesday.

When I was leaving my metamour came out and said that he was going to settle in for the night. I gave him a hug and she and I continued to talk.

It was interesting because she talked directly about her fiancé talking about me as her girlfriend. I said quickly that I liked it. She was surprised. She said, “I know that you don’t want a girlfriend,” and I said, “No, I don’t want a wife. That’s not something that I want to do or will do again.”

If I learned anything from 2024 – 2025 I discovered that I really enjoy having an anchor partner.

I also told her that I find her beautiful and that I really like her a lot. She said, “I’m not nice, and you’ll see that when we’re around more people.” I find that behavior honest. I don’t like everyone and don’t go out of my way to make peace with anyone with whom I don’t have to interface.

She is nice. She texts me good morning and goodnight everyday. She knows what I am doing day to day and remembers details. She knew that I was in person for teaching last week and made me a whole lasagna. When I took her out to dinner she gave it to me. (I’ll probably eat the rest for breakfast this morning.) I had it for dinner, lunch, and my son ate some of it last night when we were all three at the birthday party.

She’s direct.

She’s loving. I had a mosquito bite below my wrist and she quickly took my arm and pierced it with her thumbnail. I can’t even feel it now. (I secretly wish she’d done the same thing on my middle finger where I have three.) The author was talking about her nephew and birthday twin who took his own life 2-years ago during her small speech in front of her cake. We had just sung to her and she thanked all of us and then began talking about her nephew. I sighed deeply, she heard it, and she quickly gave me a side hug and took my hand.

She’s matter-of-fact. That characteristic might be at least somewhat related to being a nurse. I told her that I was getting tested next weekend and would print the results and give them to her. I said that I hope that Scorpio didn’t give me anything because she said, “You should be more careful!” the last night that I talked to her and realized that we can’t be together. (I do have feelings. Feelings aren’t wrong.) And she said that she probably said that because she knew that it would get to me. I told her that if I have something we can be friends. And she said, “No way. You’re not breaking up with me because of that.” Then she directly described different barrier methods that would happen if Scorpio had given me something.

I’ve had all her STI results including her pap smear test narrative for 3-weeks.

When we start being intimate–assuming that I am fine–I’ll be monogamous. Again. In my heart I am Solo Poly and I don’t know how you work, have pets, have a house and yards, parent a little bit, have great friendships that you tend to with multiple partners. Honestly, with my starting school in two weeks, I’m unable to wrap my brain around another woman in this moment. I also can’t establish concurrently.

This relationship has been too easy for nearly a month.

I’m not used to slow, deliberate and intentional. Also, it’s interesting to meet ease with my pragmatism that I have.

I think that I’ve gained a girlfriend and a new male friend.

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Sweetheart

Last night I pulled up in front of my date’s house and she said, “Hi” while I was getting out. I handed her flowers that I arranged in a rectangular vase. All the flowers came from my yard. I didn’t realize that she was going to get in my car and was embarrassed because it’s full of gravel on the floor mats and is a little dusty. She took the flowers inside and then we were off!

The whole date was a surprise. She had left it that way.

We went to an interactive art gallery together. There was a story line for our walk through. We talked a lot though because we are so new and chatty, but we got the gist, solved the puzzle, and got wildflower seeds at the end of the exhibit.

We walked across the street to a horror themed 80s bar that had really good food.

I’m from here and had never done anything like this for a date or been to either of these places.

She planned and paid for the whole date.

When we got back to her house, I realized that there is one thing that is different about a polyamorous person who’s not solo. Their significant can come home when it’s obvious that you’re being romantic with their partner.

I acted a little bit like you would with parents coming in when you’re in high school. Then it was ok and I mostly adjusted.

I think that it will be better for me next weekend when we all go out together for the author’s 60th birthday party.

I won’t have time to date until next June. So, it’s going to be a very long period of my establishing with her. I think too that having several concurrent relationships will be difficult until years from now because I don’t have much time to dedicate to partners. My time is spoken for with my jobs and I don’t like doing anything poorly.

It’s been really nice to go slowly with a woman too. I have needed this pacing again.

I went slow in 2024, but that relationship felt like work to me and I wasn’t getting needs met. It was a good post-divorce relationship.

I was leaving and she always walks me out when I do so. I was asking her what her fiancé calls her and she told me–I’d never call her the same term of endearment. He sometimes calls her Babe too, and I’ll avoid that one too. I settled on Sweetheart and she’s so flexible that it was immaterial to her. She told me that it would be weird if I called her fiancé, Daddy, and we both laughed about that one.

It’s always hard for me to completely leave her. I was talking about how she has shown up in her previous relationships and she called herself getting over being a “fixer.” I told her that she was in luck in that I don’t need any work, live alone and love that (I think that my son is finally moving out forever in December.), and do all my own things. And she said, “Yes, but we can have the nurse in the office with the doctor.” I laughed and then it gave me pause. I liked that. A lot. And found it hot. I stopped laughing and looked at her across the street and told her that I’d have to think about that prospect all night.

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Intentional

A woman who is also a nurse, but in a completely different specialty and role than Nightingale is, started DMing me in the app last week.

We had great banter and it wasn’t overly flirtatious like Nighingale’s and mine became. We popped on a phone call that night after I taught class on Zoom.

We had an hour-and-a-half conversation.

Yesterday, we bowled three games (It was pretty polluted with wildfire smoke for a walk.), played skeeball and the basketball shot game, and went to eat BBQ. Well, I ate a ton of food. She isn’t a big eater.

We get along really easily and she’s not like women who I’ve dated.

We made plans to see each other on Friday and I’m going very, very slow this time around. Scorpio and Nightingale were the opposite of that approach, and neither wound up the way in which I thought that they would. I am going to try everything that I can given that we get along well to build something with intention.

She’s shorter than I am and voluptuous. She also is VERY put together. No one would read her presentation as bisexual.

At this point in time, some women who had girlfriends before they got married and had kids want to date women again. It’s a whole cultural zeitgeist. I think that some of it has to do with Andrew Tate and his platform which promotes misogyny and violence, and I think that the rest has to do with accepting bisexuality to some degree in many parts of the country.

This particular new love interest is solidly bisexual and has been dating women for a couple of years, but not yet found a girlfriend.

She’s engaged to be married. I looked back at my writing to see when that became something that I thought would be a good idea for me. I couldn’t find a specific entry. It has been difficult for me to establish concurrently, and also find a woman who does polyamory the same way that I do.

I like having male metamours.

I also like that their house is about a 2.5-mile bike ride away from mine.

Her fiancé looks so sweet.

Case in point is that legacy landlines have ended in most parts of the US with the exception of FL and CA, and I had to try to set up my VOIP in my kitchen and dining area and couldn’t. Mine, I think anyway, wound up also needing to be ethernet connected to my modem. However, when it was giving me fits for a couple of days he offered to come over to my house and set it up.

I told Hockey yesterday on the phone that maybe if things keep working out that they can be a little bit like family members to me.

Some polycules involve cohabiting.

That’s not appealing to me because I want to stay in my house with my space and cadence. In my heart I am Solo Poly and in my execution at this moment in time, I am ambiamorous.

However, sometimes because many of my friends are heavy drinkers, live many urban miles from me, or are still doing heavy parenting that limits their free time, I get really lonely. It would be amazing to have a girlfriend who had another partner who was willing to help me with sheetrock, spot me on a ladder, and also socialize with me. The arrangement makes me think of a defacto family. I’m excited to meet him!

Yesterday, my new love interest put fresh dill, green onions, and mint in small jelly jars, picked me tomatoes of various sizes, and harvested a small eggplant and yellow scallop squash. I’m going to cook the latter tonight so I can have some good food at work tomorrow.

Her fiancé picked a sunflower and put it on top of the arrangement in the bag that was flat with ribbon handles. I love that he wants her to have a GF. At this moment, he only has one partner, and my love interest doesn’t interphase with her because it’s a limited and short-term relationship that he has with her.

My new love interest is on call on Friday, so we pivoted and are going to hang out for a bit at her house. Her fiancé has a date and will be back late evening.

I can’t wait to meet their cat and hope that their dog isn’t obnoxious. Assuming that we eventually get there–maybe in the fall–she’ll have to spend nights at my house, because there is a basement roommate in the downstairs apartment. I don’t think that appeals to me. I also don’t think that overnights are something that I want when a fiancé is in another bedroom. I guess that I’ll see.

For now, I’m going very, very slow. I would really like to have a GF with whom we can build something more lasting.

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Teachers

We stay stagnant when we surround ourselves with people who think only as we do.

I’m learning that some people know what they want no matter what.

Nightingale is learning that some women move slow and intentionally with decisions.

She was sooooo pissed off at me on Tuesday night. I had to get polished at using the skill: “I feel x, when y is happening, and I’m hoping that in the future you’ll respect my (boundary, time, need for understanding / validation).”

We talked on the phone for four-hours.

At the end of it she said, “Can you just come over here and hold me all night?”

“At two in the morning?”

“Yes.”

I don’t like having conflict over the phone. I will not engage in ANY intense texting.

When we have friction, we’re going to talk f2f.

Sleeping or Sex?

It was nice to be in her bed with her and see how nicely our bodies fit together when we’re sleeping. It was interesting that she approached intimacy from so many different angles until she got what she wanted. I was firm with not touching her and kept moving my hands away from where she’d put them. She said, “You’re strong.” I said, “Yep. And I don’t engage in gamey or shitty behavior.” The thing is that if someone after a long time keeps showing how much they want you, you can clarify, obtain consent and go for it.

She’s not my GF.

She’s not really my friend.

We don’t have similar ideas / attachment about outcome.

The only crushing thing about an end to being lovers for me would be not preserving a friendship.

I still want my exit interview with anyone.

She wants the life partner who she wakes up with everyday and who she will grow old with and tend to and vice versa until death.

I don’t think that the relationship escalator is real–it’s exceptional, so it works for a small percentage of couples.

I have to work today and tomorrow.

We’ll see each other on the weekend.

I don’t care what we’re doing and will do it with her as long as she lets me.

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Stable

Nightingale and I have had some emotional and physical Jenga.

She is about 10-weeks out from her first knee replacement.

Her other knee gets replaced this month.

I had a friend here in town who’d not visited in 7-years. She was here for a few days with her ex-husband and two kids.

After Nightingale and I had met and clearly established that we liked each other romantically, she accompanied me to my best friend’s house for pizza and sides on Sunday night. That morning after we were done walking around we hugged again and I kissed her quickly. That night, she met me at my best friend’s house. Our Sunday was a bit like a marathon first date, and it worked for me.

She and I had a wonderful time with all of my friends.

Then she had to name all of her discomfort while we were talking in her car at the end of the night. She doesn’t want to date anyone polyamorous. It was a rough and painful conversation.

I get it.

I’m great with boundaries.

We can both let many hours go by talking, so it was about 10:30 and I said, “I’m going to give you a hug and drive home.”

I moved across the seat and hugged her and she was crying a little bit and said, “I want to touch you.” I said, “Yeah, and you’ll have to keep it G rated.”

Yesterday, I went over to have coffee with her in her modern and pristine house and it was awkward and sad.

I hadn’t slept worth a shit on Sunday night so I did a few things that I had to do and didn’t feel any better until I lifted weights. Nightingale’s knee had swelled up so bad that she had to cancel her trip to CA that she was going to have before her next knee surgery. I know that she and I probably overdid it on Sunday, but I was kinda glad that she found out about it when she was here and not in Northern California unable to do things that she wanted to do because of swelling.

It sucks to have wiring that doesn’t fit another’s when you clearly have a good connection in the emotional, physical and romantic realm.

Last night, I cleaned up after my dog and cats–talking to Hockey on the phone the whole time–and then settled in to watch the next episode of “Dark” in the sequence. Nightingale texted me. Given that she’s a real athlete–the whole thing–track and soccer through high school, college track scholarship, and has completed two Iron Mans and is a triathlete–watching the US lose yesterday and also knowing that she can’t go to CA was too much for her.

She texted, “Have you ever just wanted to be held so you can cry?”

I said, “Absolutely. Do you need me to shower and come over?”

I think that she wanted that and didn’t want that. Holding two things that are both true is a tough spot.

I went over there.

I could hold any friend who needed me to. I could provide a clothed massage, a held hand all night, and would even draw a bath and keep a friend company while she cried in the bathtub.

This scenario wasn’t a heavy lift for me. It was nice to 1) support, and 2) have physical input.

We half-assed watched old episodes of “American Idol,” talked and I rubbed her back and even her surgical scars on her knee that has already been replaced.

Her knee is stable and it is nervy and feels weird so it jacks up her body. She is healing.

We talked and talked and talked. It wasn’t friendly, and it wasn’t purely romantic. It was a completely intimate and connected experience for both of us and I really needed it.

When I’m not seeing anyone, I miss touching a woman. It doesn’t have anything to do with sex for me.

After a couple of hours we were simply snuggling and it got intense so she said, “It’s time for you to go home.”

I popped up and she was shocked.

“Jesus Christ, I didn’t mean get out! Wow.”

I told her that I’m good with boundaries. She came over to me and took me in her arms and kissed my neck while holding me. I held her tighter and then walked over to her door.

I put on my shoes and looked at her and said, “Just one kiss, ok?” I had the green light and went to give her a quick kiss and then it was all her.

I stopped in the middle of it and said, “That’s you! I was just going to give you a quick kiss before I left.” She just pulled me to her and kept kissing me.

I totally get where she is coming from with regards to not wanting to date me. And, I’m fine with it. I had a couple of GFs since 2024 and those relationships were not meant to last longer than they did. I think that I can just keep showing up for Nightingale and see what unfolds. I’m not going to do anything weird. I’m glad that she let me support her last night and that we had some genuine romantic kissing when I left her house. There is zero reason to future trip and not just let something unfold organically with her based on the pacing that she sets.

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Fire

I had therapy yesterday.

I told him that I feel like the whole world is on fire so it may not be the best time to start a long-term relationship.

He told me that he would worry if I was sitting at home and refusing to step outside.

I debriefed my date with KY.

He said that he worries when people seek passion, but he hears that I don’t want to be depleted by someone either.

He also called me an optimist.

Why should I give up?

Wildfire smoke has settled in my face.

Finally all the sinus stuff has moved and my cough and such are productive. I won’t be feeling like poo too much longer given that the stage that it’s in.

I did my interval run anyway and dealt with the headache.

I still didn’t want to cook.

I logged into my dating app and saw that I had squirreled away three boosts… I guess that maybe I had forgotten to use them in MT and ID? I dunno.

I boosted.

I went to pick up a whole bunch of Chinese food. (Catonese. Unfortunately, one of the best restaurants in the nation closed here so we don’t have a good Szechuan choice anymore.)

DMs:

Tomboy: “Hello! We have some of the same things in common. And we both have verified profiles, which is refreshing. What are your plans for the weekend?”

Nightingale: “It might also be refreshing that I have done therapy. This weekend is trip planning to [an undisclosed location]. I’m going to do a little road trip, redwoods, the coast, oysters, and farm to table food. What are your plans?”

And then the good, reciprocal exchanges came. She’s smart. She’s funny. And she’s open. That all seemed good to me.

Then she wanted to move right to a call.

“Hey do you want to talk over the phone?”

“A phone call tonight?” It was really late.

“Why not?”

Why not indeed.

An hour and half later she wants to delay her trip leaving in a day so we can take a walk. Ripping off the Band-Aid it seems. Stay tuned.

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Life

Career after retirement:

This morning I got up to enroll in the first course that I’m taking in a 5 class sequence. I’m on a wait list though 🫤 There is a chance that I can’t start until NEXT fall because I think that I may have to stop teaching on Tuesday nights for one semester. (I’ve taught almost exclusively on Tuesday nights for 11-years at one university.) I’ll have to talk to my supervising professor who made a post-doc experience for me in the winter of 2015 to see if she’ll allow me to change the night of the week for one semester only. One class that I will need to take for my candidacy application is only taught 3:30 – 6 on Tuesday nights. I’m so lucky that my Boss will let me flex my work hours and leave early for a semester. There is no way that if I had my old day job I could do that. And my old Boss would’ve said no.

Last two GFxs:

  1. We had mismatched libidos. When I said that we don’t belong together in March of 2025, I should’ve stuck to it.
  2. We didn’t have healthy conflict. I need to ask specifically at date #4 with any woman if she yells during conflicts. I can’t tolerate that at all. Because it’s a no fly zone, I need to ask if I can take a break from the conflict until she is able to speak without a raised voice.

Dating Pool:

I remain in the database with the matchmaking firm as a “Matchable Member.” My first year was comped. I have my first date today which is in person and now has been moved by the match again. It’s close to lunch time. It’s nice to have plans regardless. I’ve not had an in person date with a new woman since May 16th. I’m going to bring my most charming and funny self to this date regardless if I’m attracted to her in the slightest. It’s nice to have something to do today.

Pride:

I went to a friend’s house for a pre-party on Friday night last week. I got concerned whether or not they were going to go out at all and didn’t wind up leaving their house until after 11 pm. I went to a party with DJs with a friend on Saturday night and we stayed all afternoon until the evening. On Sunday I went with MI to the parade and we listened to some music and watched the coolest and most creative drag performance that I’d ever seen.

Mental Health:

I feel balanced. I have an appointment with my new psychologist tomorrow. I’m awarded two more sessions for free after this one and then I’ll see him monthly out-of-pocket. I need some support with my dating life generally. Breakups are never fun.

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Rant

I got back from my 6th solo vacation last night and will have a lot of material to write about in forthcoming entries.

For now, I am going to rant.

I was hiking in the West Rim of Glacier National Park last Friday when I got a text message from the matchmaking service regarding a woman who lives between here and TN.

She sounded like a Republican.

There used to be no issue with that; however, now much of the ideology has become synonymous with religion as a tool for hatred and also a nod to times that probably were non-existent. Let’s face it: “Leave it to Beaver” had one real character and that was Eddie Haskell. I digress.

I texted this matchmaker, “Make sure she’s ok with my being Agnostic and also working in Public Service. I am not a Republican.”

I should also provide some context regarding that my package is completed. I had six dates. One via phone which later became a hike and the rest were video dates.

I’m in their “membership pool,” which I think means that I’m kinda like a chess piece for paid members for whom they’re having difficulty matching. I don’t pay for these dates going forward though–I pay for my food or beverages and that’s it. This time period will last through next spring.

I had one phone date with a woman who’s about 50-miles from me and we eventually met for a hike. I’m still in some contact with her. She’s smart and cool. She has her own TED talk.

Otherwise, I had video dates. In my mind, three went really well. One woman likes me a lot and won’t move from OR. I’d be fine with a partner in the Pacific NW, and I think she’s monogamous. So, she and I don’t have similar ideas about relationships.

This service lists my relationship style as “Open.”

Video dates aren’t my favorite.

My webcam is unforgiving. It reminds me of a concave mirror.

And I have NEVER in my nine-years of dating, had a dinner date for a first date.

Why would one do that? Particularly a blind date. You’d have to be very extroverted.

So, I was SUPER clear about that. I’ll write the clarity here:

“I’m currently driving back to Missoula from Idaho. I am free tomorrow. I don’t like doing dinner on a first date. The pressure’s too high.”

“I understand! Safe travels!”

“See if she’s amenable to having coffee or a drink. I don’t drink, but love club soda.”

“You got it! Maybe there is a cool mocktail bar?”

“We have awesome spots. A majority of my GFs have been drinkers. I also like to take walks in public parks. I don’t love my webcam; however, my speaking voice is one of my best assets. I am flexible generally. Just have always thought dinner is an oddly formal first date. Nothing like the stare down across the table for an-hour-and-a-half!”

“Totally get it! Working on setting something up now and will send details shortly. Stand by!”

Then I landed home and had this date information in an email:

“Get ready for your upcoming drinks and appetizers date at [insert the name of a tapas bar!] Enjoy a cocktail or mocktail and small plate or two as you get to know one another. To make it easy to find each other, a reservation has been made under the Concierge name.”

WTF?!?!

So, the text patronization rounds began.

“I’m nervous for a 6 pm dinnertime first date. Not my thing and I will be charming.”

“Hi, Tomboy. Thank you for reaching out! We totally understand that this process takes trust and vulnerability. We are here for you every step of the way. Remember that this could be your last first date. It could also be a great opportunity for you to learn more about yourself and your ideas of partnership. Release your attachment to any outcome and keep an open mind!”

“I don’t have an attachment. I just don’t prefer eating with a stranger. I will turn up the charm.”

“That is the perfect mindset! Bringing your charm will make it a fun experience no matter what. We completely understand that dinner with a stranger can feel a bit intense. Have a wonderful time!”

I couldn’t text back.

What a pile of shit.

I said that I wouldn’t do dinner. He (this woman’s Matchmaker) set up dinner.

“Last first date” is the most revolting thing that I have ever read.

I forwarded that whole message to Hockey and she said that it made her cringe.

I should note that Hockey is a standard monogamous lesbian who has even U-Hauled a couple of times.

What exactly should I be learning about myself with respect to partnership?

And where did I lose sight of my self-awareness?

I have been in therapy off and on since I was 14 when my body was shattered and my brother was killed. I don’t need an awkward AF dinner date to help me “learn more about [my]self.”

And this poor woman! She has no idea that I don’t do dinner with strangers. Her matchmaker set dinner, which I don’t do, and likely she paid $12,000 for her package. I think that her matchmaker set her up. She’s a person. She deserves respect. I will be so nice to her. If she’s MAGA who is anti-science and hasn’t done therapy, I’ll tie it up within an hour and ask her if she’d like a hug or handshake.

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Knowledge

The woman who eventually fell in love with me, who I took home from a bar one night in 2009, had the Latin phrase know thyself on one of her thighs tattooed. I’m not sure how that shook out for her. She almost drank herself to death. She has a new liver and doesn’t engage with me at all anymore.

I know myself well.

I have also made so much progress with respect to what I want in my romantic relationships.

I have learned lessons that I apply to my dating and also my love relationships.

I read the Substack “Decolonizing Love.” There was a quiz on it–that I understand fully isn’t normative–that I took to see if I would test in the realm of Solo Poly. I didn’t.

Looking at it, I agree that I am mostly autonomous, and can still show up for partners who need some help from me or like it when I take the wheel to plan dates. Apparently, I’m not solidly autonomous, so I am maybe less solo than I think.

My main problem with monogamy is that I think it’s typically something that makes sense when you’re raising kids and when you are doing something that is status quo. I prefer to reflect on my decisions and choices to determine if they are ones that I am engaging in of my own free will.

There is also no way that a single romantic partner could meet all of my needs.

Scorpio was a great travel partner.

Given her heavy THC usage, she was nowhere near athletic enough to meet my adventuring needs.

I want to hike for miles and get better at climbing.

I need another partner to fill that order.

Frankly, I want partners period and am super single atm.

The last thing included on this test are ideas about sex.

I’ll be 52 at the end of summer and I’ve never had a STI. I’m going to keep it that way if I’m able. Sexual health matters as much as my step count and athletic abilities.

There is a massive difference between polyamory and promiscuity. And the latter involves a gamble for me too.

Related to my expressions of polyamory is that I’m probably demisexual. I need a massive emotional connection and pull to get naked with a woman. Until now, I had not realized how much I prefer being love or being soul-level connected to a woman to have sex with her.

In this moment, I’m trying to ensure that this painful end that I had 12-days ago is one in which I can find lessons in resilience.

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Compatible

I have now spent four nights in a row with Scorpio. We laugh constantly, ask each other good questions, are touching each other always, and find magic and beauty everywhere we go. And we simply keep talking and working on things. We’re super compatible.

One of her friends was turning 57 so she decided to throw herself a birthday party. I drove and took Scorpio to it so she could do whatever she wanted. When we left that night she said to her friends, “Because sober (and pointed to me) and then she said, ‘not sober,'” while she referenced herself.

The following morning we drove to the southwest for a vacation. We had three nights together and a standalone casita at a B&B.

I wanted to her to see one of my favorite places on earth. I had spent my first honeymoon mostly in the town that we’d first driven to and have been going back for years. We ate dinner in the town and walked around a little bit before driving on to another county to our B&B.

I love chile rellenos and this one was phenomenal and unique

I’ve written about this factor before and it’s that I can’t get in hot springs or hot tubs. However, I thought it super important that Scorpio have some hot springs times. There is a world famous one around where we were staying, but I didn’t want to do something that everyone does. I like standing out when I’m dating a woman. So, she and I took a hike and went to a wild one.

One of the pools was in the 90s and the other one at its depths reaches 106. Everyone was clothed so Scorpio didn’t take off her bikini bottom, but she did soak topless. All of it was hot.

There was a guy in the top pool with us. After awhile, he began conversation with us both. He was an artist and somewhat of a poet. He left the pool to go to the river and I couldn’t believe that he was swimming in it. When he came back I remarked on that and he told me to go and it would be good medicine. I told him that it was too cold. He said, “That’s not very Scorpio of you.” I realized that he was referencing my largest tattoo as I was in a bikini and I told him that was just my Moon. I stood up and said, “What am I?” while exposing it sideways and he said, “A Virgo,” and I said, “Yes, and can you see my ascendent? It’s in Libra.” I can’t remember exactly what he said, but it had to do with how troubling my combo is and I said that emotional turmoil is pretty common for me.

Then I got bold and popped out of the pool, crossed the lower muddy one and dipped my feet in the river. It was so frigid and immediately made me shiver so I just slid into it. Then I got out and sat looking at it. The artist said, “Ten seconds! Just breathe into it.” I submerged my entire body and looked into the canyon counting. My heart was pounding and I had to continue to remind myself to breathe. I began slowly counting. When I got out, a couple in the low pool said that I was in there longer than 10-seconds. I’m proud. I like being tough.

I had neglected to remember my change of clothes. They were back at the B&B. That was a potentially problematic thing because we had dinner reservations for a super nice restaurant on Sunday night. Scorpio said that she would dress me. We stopped into a cannabis lounge, and both went to the bathroom together and she said that I was absolutely not staying in a wet bikini top. I’ve definitely been without panties a few times in my life, but not without a bra… I stayed in my t-shirt and Scorpio lent me her overalls which were capris on her and hit me above my ankle. I put on sandals and subbed out my Hokas. I was presentable.

Scorpio is so nurturing.

We had a wonderful dinner. We had a long drive back and I smoked my first legal pot that I’ve ever had. It was a 1-1 ratio of CBD and THC and caused me a great, mellow high. I was so glad not to get paranoid. I think that I smoked pot from 29-34; although I lose track of the dates the main thing that I remember was that it was well before there were dispensaries and such.

The next day we did an art gallery and trekked around together. We had a late lunch at one of my favorite restaurants in the world. I bought her a bracelet and then we wound up on a rooftop. I had peppermint tea and she drank a latte. We got back to our B&B at a reasonable hour and she built a roaring fire that she tended to for hours.

I told her specifically that I loved her and that I was so grateful for this vacation.

The next day she had to work in the morning and then we left for home. She played a poem for me when we were in a mountain pass. We talked through our communication patterns, what we hope that we could be building, and then when we were both ready to starve, found a restaurant about 2-hours from home and had dinner by a river.

How do you feel safe with another person?

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Predatory

My new friend that I met on PinkCupid is having strange exchanges with a woman whom she’d matched on HER. I think that the woman is a scammer. My friend thinks that all that matters is that she doesn’t want to engage in a long distance relationship. It doesn’t matter really, and seems to point to the fact that dating apps are pretty awful generally.

Recently, when I was talking to her on the phone I said that I had three matches whom I’d spoken to on the phone who I never met. I told her that I even had one video call with one of the three.

Then I realized that was wrong.

Tesoro and I had 5 phone calls. And two were over an hour long and super entertaining.

Then there was the woman from CA. She was followed by more women: FL, Boston, Seattle, UT, and NY. All of these women had heavy accents–including Tesoro, but hers was educated and refined. I have visuals of them working with another woman to find marks. In January, Scorpio told me that there are offices in Eastern Europe where women report to work to mine for romance. Regardless, all of them want money. This effort is their occupation.

I’m curious if the woman who matched with my friend will ask for money for a flight to see my friend. I know that my friend won’t pay it.

I haven’t logged on HER since the 25th of January.

I have absolutely no bandwidth to go on a date with anyone other than Scorpio at the moment.

That will shift sometime, and it could be a very long time too.

I’m not going to put an expiration date on monogamy.

I’ll date when I want to and have talked through my intentions with Scorpio.

Regardless, PinkCupid uses your pictures forever.

I have evidence because there is a woman who is on my page every time that I log in and under “Seeking” where the time marker says “Two Years Ago.” She’s not going to log back on.

I took all of my pictures off of the site. I also have my profile tag line as “Ask.” That used to say, “Direct, Passionate and Honest (Profile is too.). I don’t have much under “Member Overview,” and have mostly the information about not moving to another app and liking calls under ‘my match criteria “Seeking.” I did, however, leave information in one section.

My Perfect Match:

There is no perfection! And love is abundant. I like tall, athletic and feminine women. And I crave banter and intellectual rapport. I don’t think that defaults make sense in general. Love should be intentionally walked into by both parties and relationships should not be confining or controlled. I met a wonderful woman via another app in January and she and I are going strong.

Do you think that dating apps are predatory? Did the landscape of people on dating apps changed after the economy began to suffer? How does one meet romantic partners post AI?

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Scorpio

I have had this thing for most of my adult life–when I say adult, I mean my 30s and going forward. I think that I was personally on the older end for development of my prefrontal cortex. I was probably about 27 and then I finally came out at 33. Something that I have wanted to do since probably my mid-thirties is date a Scorpio. My Moon is in Scorpio, I love Water Signs generally, and I want to experience time with a Scorpio in the romantic realm.

I have an in person date with a beautiful Scorpio on Friday.

I’m taking her to dinner, which breaks my rule.

I am a DMer.

Then in the apps, I move intriguing or fairly aggressive ladies to my Burner number.

My Scorpio was intriguing and fun.

We had good DM interactions in the app. This app is the one that I have been on since May. It’s yielded more in person dates than the new app.

When we moved to my Burner number, we quickly established that we wouldn’t be taking a walk, and would instead move to a call. We talked for 30-minutes and had good reciprocal exchanges. I couldn’t believe that between 9 and 4 this is what shook out on a Sunday.

So, I thought, “What the hell?”

I said, “I’m comfortable just asking you out. Would you go to dinner with me this week?”

I literally have never done that since I got divorced in 2022. I am always worried that a new woman will struggle suffering my company across a table for 2-hours. I’m super intense. I sustain eye contact. I deal with everything directly and am unafraid of asking lots of deep questions.

We’ll see🤞

She is so sweet, and super pretty. She’s 4-inches taller than me and feminine. She’s had experience with ENM and we talked about how being Solo Poly for me is cultural. I told her that my previous GF broke up with me in September and that I am completely Solo in this moment. Right before we hung up I told her that she was on my VPN, and I’d be texting her my full name, all of my phone numbers and my website from my cell phone. I texted her the restaurant that I picked out for us yesterday and was good about only texting her a second time yesterday. I’m going to text her this morning after my meeting and ask for a picture. She is so pretty, and I want to look at her when I have this almost 12-hour workday.

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One Day Stands

I had matched with a woman the first week of my vacation and asked her if she wanted to move to text.

It’s so convenient (and also safe) now with a Burner number and a VPN.

She had some problems with her phone, her daughters were visiting and they were taking beach time, and then she finally texted me.

It was a nice introduction. Then, at night, I was reading, my phone gave me a notification, and she said that she’d sent me a picture which hadn’t gone through earlier and that she was normally shy about that kind of thing.

I told her that I would do her a solid because she was pretty and send her a picture, which I did. It was me on my Christmas hike that I took. I really had wanted to Mt Bike on Christmas Day and the trail with which I am familiar was blocked off, and I didn’t know the area well enough to walk my bike up and over to be able to find where they connected, so I drove to another area and did three hikes–I had never done these before. I took a pretty selfie–not me, but the background right before sunset.

Then she sent me a bikini shot and got embarrassed about it. She is super skinny and you certainly can’t tell that she’s had a pregnancy–and in fact, she’s had two–and she was pretty burned on her face and chest. However, she’s super pretty, 7-years younger than I, and has huge blue eyes. It was a nice picture and I told her so. Then she and I exchanged a few more pictures and 122 texts. I even got the tan line Jacuzzi picture at the end of our text thread–she just randomly sent that to me. In her final text she wrote, “And I love your words ______ excited to know you more.” We had plans for a phone call on 12/30 or 12/31. I think that I sent maybe four texts. The last one was, “Happy New Year, ______. If I don’t hear from you by Sunday night, I’ll assume that you’ve had a change of heart and won’t trouble you again.

Last Friday, during my last week of vacation, another woman started relentlessly DMing me. She lives on the West Coast. She works as a Nurse in the ED. So, given that I still have one nurse in my life often and have had three others, two of whom were family members, and one is my Aunt, I began joking in a fashion that only a nurse would understand.

I got the specifically posed selfie which I’d asked for. I don’t communicate very long with anyone at this point if she can’t give me a selfie for which I order the specs.

I got more pictures of her unsolicited in her scrubs. We made plans for a phone call on Sunday. Her sexting abilities that she began of her own accord were hot and amazing. It was such a fun day. Given everything that she wrote, I went out that night with new energy.

My energy was so altered, in fact, that when I sang my second (and last) song with my Poly friends in a karaoke bar, this woman who I don’t think that I had met before got up, gave me hug (I was leaving.), felt all up and down my back and shoulders, held me against her and said that I should be going to this specific sex club. I won’t do that obvi. I am uninterested in contracting either strain of Herpes Simplex Virus, but it gave me pause.

Sadly, that Nurse is also a ghost now. I don’t regret it at all. It was better than reading a smutty romance novel for a day. I do wish we’d have had a call. She’s missing one of my best features which is my voice.

Anyway, these apps are just really something else. One day stands seem to be another layer.

I counted up all the women recently with whom I have had phone dates, and I have had 7 in person dates and one video date. After 243-days, that is a terrible track record. Hopefully, the matchmaker has more luck than I do in the wild.

Image by Andrew from Pixabay
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My Metamour

I had an impromptu dinner last night with the author. I told her all about my metamour. I really like him.

The author, who has two boyfriends, and a metamour who is one of her good friends said, “Tell me about your metamour.”

I said that he’s big, handsome and engaging. One of the things that I really liked best about him was that he and my girlfriend have many of the same mannerisms and also use the same expressions. They both consider things for a good period, nod and then say, “That’s fun.”

We’ve already exchanged emails. I want to teach him how to play frisbee golf, so I have to see which days he has off from work next week and the week after. (I played a lot of it when I was an undergrad.)

My girlfriend and he had built my girlfriend’s daughter’s playhouse that he’d gotten her for Christmas. She’ll wake up Christmas morning there and see it and it will be kept at his house. In many respects, he’s like a father to her; although, my girlfriend doesn’t agree.

On Thanksgiving, she had sent me this video of her daughter cackling while he picked her up into the air and was flipping her around. It was the sweetest video, and that is when I realized how much I wanted to know him.

My girlfriend said that she had to press him a whole bunch to ensure that he met me before Christmas.

We all went to the best Thai restaurant in our area on Wednesday night and talked. He paid and I said, “May I please get the tip?” and he gracefully accepted the cash. He’s from New England so he’s refined and has some almost feminine mannerisms, which are really just part of being from New England. Some of his manner is opposite of his large and muscular frame. He’s probably about 6’2″. He has twinkly blue eyes and is well-dressed and put together.

I’m not sure what their relationship will look like in the coming New Year. He’s moving in with his current girlfriend who also has a child. Her child is a preteen girl. I would imagine a lot of the features in their relationship will change.

I asked her if she’d ever remarry him and she said, “No.” They seem really good together and I think that both of them liked being married. I know that it’s complicated and obviously not on the table right now given that his girlfriend is moving in with him shortly.

I kept telling her that I needed to be his friend. Now, I know that I am. In fact, I’ll email him back on the 26th or 27th so I can see him and hangout solo. The weather is scary warm, so I’m sure that as long as it’s not windy we can play frisbee golf.

It’s interesting that the feelings of jealousy that I had prior are gone completely now. They were mostly related to my too quiet Thanksgiving and then hours alone. I wasn’t jealous of him. I was jealous of family. While I was lucky to have had Thanksgiving with my neighbors, they had a bustling one that was complete with boisterous cussing relatives.

I guess there could possibly be times when we had all three kids together at his place (my 19-year-old, her toddler and his girlfriend’s preteen). Maybe in the summer?

Regardless of what the future holds, I really like my metamour.

What does family mean to you? How do you do friendships? What do you think about adding people to your life?

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Romance

I have my fourth date with ________ tonight. I’m picking her up at 6:15.

I cannot wait to get my arms around her and listen to her.

She said that she likes the colors in the rainbow as her favorite color. When she asked mine, she’d painted a replica of Georgia O’Keefe on a small canvas and wrapped it. What’s really crazy is that I saw it at The Met. She added more red to it than was in the original.

I’m wearing a black t-shirt from my league that has rainbow letters tonight. I’ll wear jeans and Birkenstocks too.

She’s coming over for a bit because she’s never seen the inside of my house. Then we’re heading to the Realtor’s Housewarming. We can only stay an hour because she has to get home to relieve the babysitter.

On Monday we’re all three going hiking. If my son didn’t have school, I’d have him come along too.

I think it’s natural to reflect on previous relationships when you’re starting a new one.

The largest backdrop now is that I’m not exclusive with anyone. Whenever Batman pops up we’ll be romantic. When GA visits again, I’ll take her on a date. I’m still interested in having girlfriends who don’t live here too.

Face your past: One reflection point entered into my main site two weeks ago too and now I’ll work with her. I hadn’t seen her in 12-years. So they’re would be no issues, I texted her to meet. I think that she thought that I was still interested in her, which is alarming. It’s also arrogant.

How did it even happen: The CEO and I were excellent break-up / make-up people and I slept with this woman for a few weeks when the CEO and I were on hiatus. Of course the latter flipped out and then said that we needed to date again. This woman, who now I’ll work with, is called the Little Liar and Peter Pan in my blog. She ran with a lie about her career for weeks. I caught her in it when she wasn’t working. I was pissed.

Now, she’s just someone who I work with 3-4 days a week and we’ve agreed to say that we dated 12-years-ago so we don’t have to have dishonesty at work. She added, “I have a partner,” when she was standing by me when I was getting on my bike to leave, and I quickly said, “I have situations too.” Not that she asked. In fact, she didn’t ask me anything and jawed away for half-an-hour and I got bored and started getting up. Oh, the things that we do when we’re still in throes of a dysfunctional relationship!

Regardless, seeing her on site for an interview was alarming at first. Then, I processed and read entries from July and August of 2012. After I stopped seeing her and after I finally put the nail in the coffin with the CEO, I wrote about what I’m looking for:

  1. Smart
  2. Sexy
  3. Wants to see me
  4. Loves to be outside
  5. Enjoys music
  6. Wants to laugh
  7. Willing to work through conflict
  8. Open and adaptable

It’s so strange. I wrote this 12-years-ago. ________ checks off each number.