Tag Archives: Poly-Mono

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Lifestyle

My dog has some spinal problems so she doesn’t know if she’s pooping. She’ll be 15 in September at the end of summer. She hasn’t been able to take walks really anymore. She was into and completed a super short one–two blocks–yesterday after I bathed her at a Mom and Pop pet shop.

Her back hips are displacing altogether.

Yesterday she slipped in the tub and was laying down in the tub and pooped again.

One of the three cats has renal failure beginning. It’s been really stressful because she doesn’t always finish her special diet food and then one of her brother cat eats it and he gets diarrhea. The other brother had an anal gland abscess and when his Vet removed it, she said that it was the biggest that she’d ever seen. He has to go to the Vet every four months now.

My dog is in a clinical trial, so her life will be extended a little regardless if she’s on the placebo because she sees the Vet all the time.

However, they cost thousands.

I was able to rehome my ex-wife’s dog in May of 2025 so that’s helpful. It is also helpful to not have dog pee on things that she would mark smelling up my house while I was at work.

Only the dog is mine.

I’m too much of a softy to rehome the cats although they’ve become too much with the food situation. I’ll contact the cat vet and see how the diet can be changed to one thing for all of them.

I was talking with Nightingale last night and the cat with the renal disease was chirping, meowing and sometimes purring.

Nightingale didn’t mention anything. She’s allergic to cats. However, to some extent she’s not even close to an animal person. I haven’t ever been on the phone with someone who didn’t ask which one was making noise when any of mine are being appealing.

I like her dog a lot and he’s trained to only be a dog in all respects. He can’t get on furniture, beds, or even greet someone unless they reach down to greet him.

When she made me dinner on Saturday night in her house her well-trained and super cute dog made a specific noise and wagged his tail and I said, “He’s asking for food, right?” She was shocked. I told her that I’m great with animals. I am good with domestic animals cues and can get very close to deer when I’m hiking to snap a picture. (I’m not a dumbass so I don’t like being near mountain lions, rattlesnakes, moose, and haven’t had a bear encounter yet thankfully.)

Scorpio’s dog was a really good boy and well-trained. He was allowed to obsess on me when he wanted to and he did. I still miss her dog a lot.

I love all animals. I like to watch the birds on the porch when I drink coffee in the morning or have a Spindrift, Waterloo, or Lacroix at night. When I used to walk my dog sometimes I’d see black foxes near the creek which was equal parts scary and cool.

I’m an outdoor plant. I love being outside all of the time and even don’t mind repetitive tasks such as removing cheatgrass, kochia, henbit, prickly lettuce, purslane, and spotted spurge in my tiny grass patch in the backyard at night. It’s too bad that means that no matter what I do, I’ll get bitten a couple of times by mosquitos, but I still like the task.

Nightingale can’t come over to my house because of my ex-wife’s cats and my dog. She has allergy induced asthma and some other conditions.

Nightingale has lived with other women in her pristine house. I don’t know the timeline–meaning when they moved in. Not only would I not want to do that, but we don’t like the same things day-to-day. Even if I could cohabit, and at this point I absolutely cannot, it would have to be with a likeminded woman.

I love having a purring cat next to me, sitting outside and fussing in a yard, talking a long walk through neighborhoods (which used to include walking my dog 1-3 miles everyday), and taking any excuse to spend more time outside.

I go to a cabin in the mountains today. Nightingale rented it.

I’m looking forward to walking and probably doing a journal in my nature journal today. I can hike on Tuesday and Wednesday too.

I won’t miss my pets really given all the things that they’re requiring now and need a break.

I’ll write on Friday. Nightingale gets her knee replaced that day. I’ll have a lot of information about our dynamic after this week.

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Teachers

We stay stagnant when we surround ourselves with people who think only as we do.

I’m learning that some people know what they want no matter what.

Nightingale is learning that some women move slow and intentionally with decisions.

She was sooooo pissed off at me on Tuesday night. I had to get polished at using the skill: “I feel x, when y is happening, and I’m hoping that in the future you’ll respect my (boundary, time, need for understanding / validation).”

We talked on the phone for four-hours.

At the end of it she said, “Can you just come over here and hold me all night?”

“At two in the morning?”

“Yes.”

I don’t like having conflict over the phone. I will not engage in ANY intense texting.

When we have friction, we’re going to talk f2f.

Sleeping or Sex?

It was nice to be in her bed with her and see how nicely our bodies fit together when we’re sleeping. It was interesting that she approached intimacy from so many different angles until she got what she wanted. I was firm with not touching her and kept moving my hands away from where she’d put them. She said, “You’re strong.” I said, “Yep. And I don’t engage in gamey or shitty behavior.” The thing is that if someone after a long time keeps showing how much they want you, you can clarify, obtain consent and go for it.

She’s not my GF.

She’s not really my friend.

We don’t have similar ideas / attachment about outcome.

The only crushing thing about an end to being lovers for me would be not preserving a friendship.

I still want my exit interview with anyone.

She wants the life partner who she wakes up with everyday and who she will grow old with and tend to and vice versa until death.

I don’t think that the relationship escalator is real–it’s exceptional, so it works for a small percentage of couples.

I have to work today and tomorrow.

We’ll see each other on the weekend.

I don’t care what we’re doing and will do it with her as long as she lets me.

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Stable

Nightingale and I have had some emotional and physical Jenga.

She is about 10-weeks out from her first knee replacement.

Her other knee gets replaced this month.

I had a friend here in town who’d not visited in 7-years. She was here for a few days with her ex-husband and two kids.

After Nightingale and I had met and clearly established that we liked each other romantically, she accompanied me to my best friend’s house for pizza and sides on Sunday night. That morning after we were done walking around we hugged again and I kissed her quickly. That night, she met me at my best friend’s house. Our Sunday was a bit like a marathon first date, and it worked for me.

She and I had a wonderful time with all of my friends.

Then she had to name all of her discomfort while we were talking in her car at the end of the night. She doesn’t want to date anyone polyamorous. It was a rough and painful conversation.

I get it.

I’m great with boundaries.

We can both let many hours go by talking, so it was about 10:30 and I said, “I’m going to give you a hug and drive home.”

I moved across the seat and hugged her and she was crying a little bit and said, “I want to touch you.” I said, “Yeah, and you’ll have to keep it G rated.”

Yesterday, I went over to have coffee with her in her modern and pristine house and it was awkward and sad.

I hadn’t slept worth a shit on Sunday night so I did a few things that I had to do and didn’t feel any better until I lifted weights. Nightingale’s knee had swelled up so bad that she had to cancel her trip to CA that she was going to have before her next knee surgery. I know that she and I probably overdid it on Sunday, but I was kinda glad that she found out about it when she was here and not in Northern California unable to do things that she wanted to do because of swelling.

It sucks to have wiring that doesn’t fit another’s when you clearly have a good connection in the emotional, physical and romantic realm.

Last night, I cleaned up after my dog and cats–talking to Hockey on the phone the whole time–and then settled in to watch the next episode of “Dark” in the sequence. Nightingale texted me. Given that she’s a real athlete–the whole thing–track and soccer through high school, college track scholarship, and has completed two Iron Mans and is a triathlete–watching the US lose yesterday and also knowing that she can’t go to CA was too much for her.

She texted, “Have you ever just wanted to be held so you can cry?”

I said, “Absolutely. Do you need me to shower and come over?”

I think that she wanted that and didn’t want that. Holding two things that are both true is a tough spot.

I went over there.

I could hold any friend who needed me to. I could provide a clothed massage, a held hand all night, and would even draw a bath and keep a friend company while she cried in the bathtub.

This scenario wasn’t a heavy lift for me. It was nice to 1) support, and 2) have physical input.

We half-assed watched old episodes of “American Idol,” talked and I rubbed her back and even her surgical scars on her knee that has already been replaced.

Her knee is stable and it is nervy and feels weird so it jacks up her body. She is healing.

We talked and talked and talked. It wasn’t friendly, and it wasn’t purely romantic. It was a completely intimate and connected experience for both of us and I really needed it.

When I’m not seeing anyone, I miss touching a woman. It doesn’t have anything to do with sex for me.

After a couple of hours we were simply snuggling and it got intense so she said, “It’s time for you to go home.”

I popped up and she was shocked.

“Jesus Christ, I didn’t mean get out! Wow.”

I told her that I’m good with boundaries. She came over to me and took me in her arms and kissed my neck while holding me. I held her tighter and then walked over to her door.

I put on my shoes and looked at her and said, “Just one kiss, ok?” I had the green light and went to give her a quick kiss and then it was all her.

I stopped in the middle of it and said, “That’s you! I was just going to give you a quick kiss before I left.” She just pulled me to her and kept kissing me.

I totally get where she is coming from with regards to not wanting to date me. And, I’m fine with it. I had a couple of GFs since 2024 and those relationships were not meant to last longer than they did. I think that I can just keep showing up for Nightingale and see what unfolds. I’m not going to do anything weird. I’m glad that she let me support her last night and that we had some genuine romantic kissing when I left her house. There is zero reason to future trip and not just let something unfold organically with her based on the pacing that she sets.