I probably should find a good Greek word for my new GF. I don’t have one yet. We only started seeing each other July 26th and have been moving very slow given that I want to be intentional and also honor our budding relationship. She’s wonderful.
My divorced finalized via the court four-years ago today. Three-years ago on this day I was completely untethered from my parents’ house. Two-years ago on this day I went on a first date walk with my ex-GF.
Pivotal day.
All important things.
I haven’t seen her in 13-days.
It sucks.
Her niece came two-days after we last saw one another. That night we talked and talked and ate some pizza that I brought over. Well, I ate lots of pizza. She doesn’t eat much.
Roughly 5-days after I’d seen her, her niece left and then the following day her best friend from where she grew up came to town with her BF. They’re still there. And it’s been a stressful visit. It think that they’re here for a month.
She has three kids total–one biological daughter and she raised her stepdaughter and stepson. The latter comes for two-weeks tomorrow. (I think it’s important to say that she calls all of them her kids.)
I told her that I felt like our relationship was stalled. I was in a holding pattern waiting for her to make plans for us.
We’re going out to dinner tomorrow night. I’ll briefly meet her best friend and then we’ll be off.
In addition to our date, I should also write about what it’s like being back in school for the first time in many years. I think that I had an in person class last in 2012. It took me two more years after that to get my dissertation done.
I have a ton going on and all of the things that I can think about today.
Seems like this day has often been a marker on my timeline.
I had a falling out with the group leader altogether. She blew up a date one night that I was on with my ex-GF. Eventually, my ex-GF made me write a letter to her about the situation. I wasn’t going to apologize and didn’t. I wrote the letter because my GF at the time said that I was creating friction in the friend group.
Yesterday I saw the former group leader at a conference and she told me everything going on in her life and asked nothing about me. Things never change.
She did say, however, that one of her husband’s partners was no longer friends with my ex-GF or my ex-GF’s best friend. She said that they weren’t treating her well. I’m friendly with this particular partner. Scorpio and I had a double date with her and the former group leader’s husband in April.
I took the author out to dinner last night and told her the story.
A GF is vetoed by a wife.
The GF befriends one of the husband’s other partners.
Eventually, the GF and her best friend (my ex-GF) vetoes the partner.
The author told me that this experience is common.
Makes me happy that I get along with my metamour and that my GF only has he and I atm.
Didn’t seem like a lot to navigate for me last night.
The author turned 60 and had a potluck party.
The woman that I have been seeing just shy of a month (4-days) made little spears of appetizers. They had fresh mozzarella, basil, tomatoes, a tortellini, and a folded slice of salami on them. I think that she’d drizzled some olive oil on them and also a few dried herbs–she may have grown those. The author was excited about them. Although she’d probably made 40 of them, there were very few left when we departed.
I bought beer, lemon La Croix, Waterloo, and Spindrift and filled up my cooler.
My metamour was with us the whole night.
We drove up together and left together.
This particular friend group is almost all polyamorous and bisexual. So, we fit together well.
At one point someone was asking my metamour how he knew the author and he talked about his fiancée and then said, “And ______’s her girlfriend,” and nodded to me.
That gave me pause.
We got back really late to their house and she asked me if I was coming in and I said that I was. I sat in their office and we all talked for a long time while their dog hung out with us and their cat visited and also ran around the house because it was late.
Neither of them had seen “One Battle After Another,” and we made plans to watch it together on Tuesday. My girlfriend is taking me to a comedy club on Wednesday.
When I was leaving my metamour came out and said that he was going to settle in for the night. I gave him a hug and she and I continued to talk.
It was interesting because she talked directly about her fiancé referring to me as her girlfriend. I said quickly that I liked it. She was surprised. She said, “I know that you don’t want a girlfriend,” and I said, “No, I don’t want a wife. That’s not something that I want to do or will do again.”
If I learned anything from 2024 – 2025 I discovered that I really enjoy having an anchor partner.
I also told her that I find her beautiful and that I really like her a lot. She said, “I’m not nice, and you’ll see that when we’re around more people.” I find that behavior honest. I don’t like everyone and don’t go out of my way to make peace with anyone with whom I don’t have to interface.
She is nice. She texts me good morning and goodnight everyday. She knows what I am doing day to day and remembers details. She knew that I was in person for teaching last week and made me a whole lasagna. When I took her out to dinner she gave it to me. (I’ll probably eat the rest for breakfast this morning.) I had it for dinner, lunch, and my son ate some of it last night when we were all three at the birthday party.
She’s direct.
She’s loving. I had a mosquito bite below my wrist and she quickly took my arm and pierced it with her thumbnail. I can’t even feel it now. (I secretly wish she’d done the same thing on my middle finger where I have three.) The author was talking about her nephew and birthday twin who took his own life 2-years ago during her small speech in front of her cake. We had just sung to her and she thanked all of us and then began talking about her nephew. I sighed deeply, she heard it, and she quickly gave me a side hug and took my hand.
She’s matter-of-fact. That characteristic might be at least somewhat related to being a nurse. I told her that I was getting tested next weekend and would print the results and give them to her. I said that I hope that Scorpio didn’t give me anything because she said, “You should be more careful!” the last night that I talked to her and realized that we can’t be together. (I do have feelings. Feelings aren’t wrong.) And she said that she probably said that because she knew that it would get to me. I told her that if I have something we can be friends. And she said, “No way. You’re not breaking up with me because of that.” Then she directly described different barrier methods that would happen if Scorpio had given me something.
I’ve had all her STI results including her pap smear test narrative for 3-weeks.
When we start being intimate–assuming that I am fine–I’ll be monogamous. Again. In my heart I am Solo Poly and I don’t know how you work, have pets, have a house and yards, parent a little bit, have great friendships that you tend to with multiple partners. Honestly, with my starting school in two weeks, I’m unable to wrap my brain around another woman in this moment. I also can’t establish concurrently.
This relationship has been too easy for nearly a month.
I’m not used to slow, deliberate and intentional. Also, it’s interesting to meet ease with my pragmatism that I have.
I think that I’ve gained a girlfriend and a new male friend.
A teammate sent me an IG about bowling being ruined. It was long. It is like a documentary and features Alhambra Valley Bowling Alley and also clips of the CEO of the Lucky Strike Corporation.
We had league last night in a bowling alley that looks a lot like the one that I learned to bowl in when I was 8-years-old without the overhead projectors used for hand scoring and the Tempest video game.
We were there because our alley where we’ve bowled most seasons was closed.
The HVAC has been problematic there for at least 2-years. Lately, it’s been in the mid-80s in the alley and it gets like a sauna because it was remodeled to encourage standing and drinking with little room and weirdly oversized vinyl seating around the ball return.
I’m worried that what they’re doing isn’t fixing the broken AC, but rather installing strings to the pins.
Modern bowling alleys look a lot like bars with sensory overload or a casino–you also don’t have a classic pinsetter.
There are wires attached to the pins which theoretically set them faster.
When we bowled at an alley in a suburb last week as our team has summer passes, the wires kept failing over and over to set the pins at all, so we had to find an employee to set them the OG way by going behind back of the lane and performing some manual tasks.
I learned in the IG documentary that these wires also decrease the possibility of throwing a strike by 30%.
I personally have to throw my ball in a slightly different area of the lane to get strikes and can do it now, but I don’t like the wires.
I’m hoping that it’s not one-thousand degrees in the alley next Monday and they’ve just added the wires.
I’m thinking about dedicating some work in my blog to things that I miss. Classic pinsetters is one thing.
Another thing is that I don’t like my Voice over Internet Protocol phones. I miss my landline like crazy.
Does anybody have opinions about dark bowling alleys with large screen TVs distracting your game and wired pins?
On Friday, my new love interest and I walked to a venue that makes really excellent Cajun food and listened to a local band. We talked at length too. I have learned a lot about her childhood and growing up.
She had on expensive jeans, and her hair was perfect and flowing. I can’t believe the way that she can get her waves and curls to land. I know that she doesn’t use any heat on it, so it’s surprising. She had on a tank top that had a diamond opening just below her suprasternal notch and wore a diamond necklace on a silver chain below the tank top. Her eyes are a really dark blue and have some green near the pupil. They’re huge. I learned on Friday that she’s Greek. It’s funny, but I often get misread as Greek too.
At about 10:45 she said that we had to go. She’s funny and gets really worried about my sleep. She also gets worried about how much I work. It’s endearing. It’s not in a bossy way, but it’s more like a manner in which she wants to be supportive. I like it, which is odd.
I don’t like getting help with anything. I do like being cared for and tended to, but not with nuts and bolts of my life. I have that stuff on lock.
Last night my son pulled himself away from his monitor and gaming system. He and I had dinner together. My love interest had put dried herbs from her garden in little jelly jars for me and I slightly seared some dried dill and put it on potatoes. I had also sauteed some mini red sweet peppers. Although it’s super hot, we ate kielbasa and sauerkraut. The latter seemed fitting for the weather.
We talked about my new love interest.
I told him that I had met my metamour. I really like him. He’s sweet and I know that we’ll have good conversations because he’s smart.
My son said, “Finally someone who’s actually poly, Mom!”
I reminded him that I met my GF before Scorpio in a Polyamorous Women’s Discussion Group.
He scoffed at that.
I do think now looking back that she’s most interested in her daughter being supported. I think that dating a man or woman in her 30s would be a good idea for that scenario fulfillment.
Then he said something interesting about Scorpio. He said, “She’s polyamorous when it suits her.”
That gave me a ton of pause.
My whole thing with breaking up with her was that she wouldn’t talk about going dark on me for a day. I didn’t want an apology. I wanted to talk it through because it didn’t feel good and hurt my feelings. Her level of defensiveness was unreal and she was volatile and mean. That would never work. I do think that when you’re being authentic, you have some conflict. It needs to be resolved without deflecting responsibility and truly hearing your impact.
And my son said that Nightingale was simply monogamous, which is true.
I love that my current love interest and her fiancé are so stable. They have the ability to travel and do whatever they want and have a nice home. I don’t know how long they’ll live here, and I hope that they stay for at least a couple of years. The impact is that it’s easy to date her. She’s just looking for some enhancement of her life and isn’t lacking anything in her partnership.
Jupiter is the planet of luck. Mine is in Pisces. It appears as the only planet in my 5th House. There are two aspects: one positive (Trine with Saturn), and one negative (Square with Neptune).
House Five is the House of Creativity and Sex.
If your Jupiter appears in your 5th House it means that you enjoy recreation. As it is the only planet in my 5th house, it means that I am lucky in speculation. I can be indiscreet in my love affairs, love my children, and can be extravagant at times. Some of that seems accurate for my life (Woolfolk, 2001).
Again, I have some empty houses which follow House 5.
House 6 is the house of Service and Health. It’s associated with overall health and also relationships at work (Woolfolk, 2001). Luckily these life tasks have been good for me and uncomplicated.
House 7 is the House of Partnership and Marriage. It’s not shocking that it’s empty. I’ve had two and really would prefer to never do something adjacent again.
House 8 is the House of Death and Regeneration. I found it odd that it was empty. I have some strange abilities with foresight and have had many deaths in my lifetime. There were some of great significance too.
There isn’t a ton going on in these Houses in my Western Zodiac chart.
Therefore, in this entry I can mention some generic astrology background which I have gathered.
Astrology predates astronomy as scientists began to notice that babies born in certain times, seasons, and even during events like a full moon behaved in similar ways. Astrologers often employed a map of the sky and divided it into 12 sections, or houses, to determine which planets were pronounced in a person’s chart and also to divide a life into specific tasks.
House 2 is the house of Money and Income.
I simply have Neptune and a Node here.
The node means that the moon crossed there when I was born. It was in Sagittarius at that time where my Neptune is also.
The placement means that I’m intellectual and care about humanity. Neptune in your House 2 means that you’re both intuitive and imaginative with making money (Woolfolk, 2001).
I have certainly found a way to make what would be two salaries on my own and have kept my house. Objects that I collect only have value to me and I’m unmaterialistic. I’m generous to people in need and am indifferent in general about money (Woolfolk, 2001).
Uranus forms a sextile with Pluto in my chart here. It’s important for me as Scorpio is pronounced in my chart. The placement said that occult traits are used positively (Woolfolk, 2001).
Case in point.
House 3 is the House of Communication. It’s related to your family ties, daily travel and self-expression.
It makes sense that mine is empty. By the time I was 47 I had no members of my family of origin. I get around simply. My Mercury is in my first house–where there is also a stellium–so it’s not as important to be part of my communication because it’s in the forefront.
House 4 is the House of Home.
Again, makes sense that it’s empty.
I moved 13 times before my parents got a house changing schools too. My relationship with my parents could be complicated, and was definitely so with my father always. It also has to do with an emotional and physical space which you call home, and with two marriages and problems with my son blowing up in my house where I’ve been 24-years that makes sense too. The cool thing about mine being empty is that this house also signifies where you age and close out your life (Woolfolk, 2001). I definitely have small and big plans there.
I had written before that Scorpio found a book on colors and three primary adjectives for all 365 birthdays in the art museum we were in. Mine were Researcher, Healer and Seductive.
I’m going to employ the first one for a week.
I’m going to write about my zodiac chart.
Previously, I only had looked at my Sun, Moon, and Ascendent (Rising) Signs. When I was dating Scorpio she felt fascinated by all the empty houses in her chart, so I started thinking, “What’s up with houses anyway?”
There are 12 houses which astrologers used to divide the sky, and they are the degree to which the earth was with respect to the sun when and where you were born. According to astrologers, each house divides your life into categories.
According to a source that I have by Woolfolk, your first house is the House of Self and is your most powerful house. And what is there encompasses the most important placements in your chart. She also writes that the First House is a lens for your chart as it filters everything else.
I was blown away looking at my chart yesterday because my Moon, which is in Scorpio, is in my first house. I knew that had to be important. I have a DK Parker’s Astrology book that a previous workout partner gave me, so I read about that placement.
So, what does it mean if your Moon Sign falls in your first house?
Apparently, if you’re Moon is in your First House you have an urge to care for people. That made my worries about my son and his choices seem validated. Additionally, I have chosen a career in mental health so that checked out too.
Moon placement involves your reactions and responses. People with a Scorpio Moon have feelings directly on tap anyway, and that’s always true of me. The energy is also physical and has determination and the instinct to achieve.
Scorpio Moons in the First House are intuitive, imaginative and remember your childhood with nostalgia. Weaknesses are that you can dissipate energy, be moody and oversensitive. I like to see that as me being emo. Strengths are that you’re receptive, romantic and curious (Woolfolk, 2006).
So, there are Conjunctions, Trines, Oppositions, Sextiles and Squares which are the aspects of planets to the degree to which they were apart during the time that you were born in charts too. Some of these aspects are favorable and others are unfavorable (Woolfolk, 2006).
My Moon in Scorpio has an aspect with my Venus which is in Virgo that forms a Sextile. A Sextile are planets which are 60 degrees apart. That means that I am affectionate, light hearted, artistic, and love beauty (Woolfolk, 2006).
My Moon in Scorpio also has two Trines. In charts, that position is the most favorable aspect. It means that you have planets which are 120 degrees apart. (I should mention that 44% of my chart is in water, which I found so telling because I have had romantic relationships mainly with water signs.) These two Trines and with water placements in my chart. I have Jupiter in Pisces and Saturn in Cancer. The former suggests that I am optimistic and that I have a friendly personality. I also that I have good business sense and I enjoy travel and literature. The latter suggest that I am diplomatic, ambitious and that my overall nature is conservative. I am thorough when dealing with problems and patient (Woolfolk, 2006).
You’re ascendent is always in your First House and mine is in Libra. My Mercury is in my First House and it’s also in Libra. The themes are that I make lists of pros and cons with every decision and can change my mind. It also means that I like socializing with people. This placement Squares Saturn though… Squares are challenging and stressful and when they can be overcome, resilience is possible. I certainly can be blunt and abrupt 😳I also have a Conjunction in Mercury, which is powerful, so it’s typically beneficial, but not necessarily. It’s simply the most powerful aspect. My Mercury conjuncts my Uranus, which suggests a talent for scientific thinking but that I am stubborn and eccentric (Woolfolk, 2006).
All these things in my First House form a stellium. It’s like waring planet placements. They’re gathered together in one area of the zodiac and can form conjunctions (Parker & Parker, 2001).
I think that because there are so many planets in my first house that is why people misread me as having the Fire element in my chart. I really have an overall deficit. However, my First House is busy with waring planet placements. I do find that I do best when I ponder solutions for a long period of time, find people fascinating, am odd and do better when I’m reflective rather than quickly speaking my mind.
Last night I took my ex-husband out to dinner. I have not spoken with him much since February of 2025.
Last Groundhog Day, I had him look after our son that evening because I had concert tickets. As is consistent with some types of college age kids, our son experimented with concentrated marijuana–it’s called a dab–and way too much acid. He cried most of the day and kept telling me that I was lying to him and that he’d broken his brain.
My ex-husband drank 7 beers that night. I had stopped drinking altogether and didn’t get triggered by alcohol so I had a six-pack in my beverage cooler area of the refrigerator. I was keeping those around for friends who come over to my house when I make them dinner–I do that all of the time for loved ones. I had told my ex-husband that he could have the Christmas Ale that was there and to be sure to eat the lasagna that I’d left for him too because the ale had high ABV. I never said anything about the six-pack.
He drank everything (7 beers total), triggered the shit out of our son, and was acting bizarre.
Two-weeks later I told him via phone that he has always been an alcoholic. I told him that he needs full treatment. I never spoke to him again. He said, like he always says, that he needs individual therapy and he was going to do it this time. He never has addressed anything. I know that will never happen. I was with the guy 11-years, and married to him for 9. (Just an aside that he’s the only man I’ve ever been with. I’ve kissed two guys including him.)
I used to be in touch with both of my former mother-in-laws. They generally loved me. Because my ex-spouses are the dreamer types they also were glad that their kids married me. I’m not given to anything dreamy or prone to fantasy. I’m always pragmatic.
Anyway, my ex-husband’s mother is starting to decline. I can just tell via text. My son told me that when he called her a few weeks ago for her birthday that she repeated things over and over. Last night I learned that her brother (my ex-husband’s uncle) has early onset dementia.
I talked about his mother and he said that she was fine in person when he saw her in 2024.
He said that he knows that he needs to visit them seasonally.
He acknowledged that he’s unable to make plans.
It’s ok. Those things are not my business at all. Now that my son drives and I bought him a car and insure it, nothing will ever happen again. My son won’t need him for anything.
And this dinner wasn’t transactional. I just knew that it was time that I had some manner of relationship with him again. I’ve known him 32-years. And he has never been able to set a goal or really make any decisions of any kind. That won’t change. Nor does it change that I have his DNA in my brain because we had a child together. I had to get over myself and my anger towards him.
He’s been with his partner for a few years now and they live together. He described parallel play that they engage in. He doesn’t seem happy or unhappy with her. I can imagine that many more years will pass by for him and there won’t be anything that has changed.
We did, however, laugh a ton.
I told him about breaking up with my GF in May and the following morning being in a pool of my own blood on the floor given the difficulty of a restraint that I had to complete for the safety of a youth.
I told him about the old dating app that I used to use and the conversation that I had about race and racism with a person who was using his ex-wife’s identity on a lesbian only service and let him read the bizarre text conversation thread. That whole exchange could be written with some backstory and be an episode or a limited series comedy.
We laughed and it was such an easy dinner. The only obstacle was that the Sudanese restaurant is closed only on Wednesdays and I forgot completely that we have a good Thai restaurant now close to the high school in the neighborhood, so we wound up driving to a suburb to eat at one that is authentic. It was fine. We got a table; although, it was packed.
I had a great time with him. Basically, I grew up with him. He’s the same as I remember him as a teenager. I met him when I was 19 or 20 and he was 18. Honestly, he really hasn’t changed much at all.
I’m so glad that I took him out to dinner.
His binge drinking and overall alcoholism won’t affect me or our son.
I was thinking about transactional relationships generally after dinner.
I had gone over to visit Nightingale one night this month and asked her out of the blue if she was using me for sex.
She paused a long time and said, “I was at first.”
Now that she’s decided that I create an obstacle or perhaps distraction to her finding her life partner that’s really what our thing was. She spent most of the month mad at me because I don’t date someone and state, “You’re going to be my life partner.” I don’t think that stance is real.
For example, I thought that Scorpio and I would travel together forever. I knew that she wants to live with someone again eventually and given that she was almost always talking about her ex-BF I just kept assuming that she would reconcile with him and that would be who she lived with. I would have been so fine with that scenario too. He sounded cool. She and I still could’ve travelled together and I like male metamours.
That didn’t work out. If I had feelings that didn’t match hers, she told me that my feelings didn’t make sense. I had to break up with her.
Prior to Scorpio, I dated another woman for a year who had a young child. This day a year ago I had blogged about a date that she and I had that she completely planned and paid for. Although we had been dating for 10-months at that time, this was the only date in which she had done that. Our relationship was transactional and I got very little out of our relationship. Seems like it was a soft onboarding to relationships in general after my divorce.
Maybe dating is often transactional.
I want to communicate and be myself in relationships.
I couldn’t do that with the woman that I dated after my divorce. In fact, I wouldn’t go on very many dates with a woman now who said that she’s not a sexual person. It shuts off all my physical touch needs that I have. I used to have to ask her to rub my legs or play with my hair. And she was good at it! It never would’ve occurred to her to touch me unsolicited.
Scorpio told me once that she wanted a BF who would fly her to Pfish concerts all over the nation. That would’ve been transactional. Our relationship was uncomplicated. I made her dinner midweek and we talked and connected and then spent one night together every weekend after a proper date doing something specific.
Nightingale wanted to travel with a woman right before her knee surgery. It turned out that her previous replacement wasn’t ready enough to go to CA, so she decided a mountain cabin was fine. After some time together and a little travel, she decided that I’m not worth having around.
I think that if I understand the playbook with women who I date, that I’m flexible.
I had an intense experience which was connected and full of chemistry that burned out completely.
She did it for me too. Nightingale was the delegate.
Since she left the cabin on the 15th late at night our texting was scant and we didn’t talk on the phone ever again until yesterday: the 19th.
Last night when I called her at her request she sounded oddly formal and told me that the local anesthetic that her surgeon had given her would wear off the following day (today). She indicated that was when her pain management would begin getting real.
Nightingale has another brand-new knee. She’ll be healing now and her not-quite-three-month-old other knee still swells a whole bunch when she walks around on it. I’d imagine that sometime in the spring things will feel healed.
She proposed a boundaried friendship.
She told me that she knew that I’d be fine with occasional sex here and there.
It’s true that I didn’t have any expectations of her.
I like helping people out when they have needs.
She and I had a solid connection and undeniable chemistry. When she wasn’t unloading on me suddenly, it was seamless. I think that I have a higher toleration for that behavior anyway given my work and also some of my relationships. I know that flying off the handle isn’t about me.
She told me that she doesn’t want any of my help during her recovery. I’d imagine that she feels vulnerable with her knee elevated all the time and walking 10-minutes every hour for a couple of weeks.
Regardless, boundaried friendship is a strange term.
I told her that we were never friends, so although I couldn’t really say quickly how I felt in the moment, I’d be more inclined to reach out to her when and if it made sense.
I told her that when we left it at the cabin I was going to check in on her in the morning and at night as I’d been doing. My texts were pretty cursory. I’m glad that she asked me to call her last night.
This morning, I realize that I may not even be to wish her a happy birthday in November via text.
From her perspective I delay her finding her one. The woman who is perfect for her and wants to move into her house and blend finances. She bought her house with an ex-wife 7-years ago, and many women have lived in it with her including the ex-wife who she was married to for 1-2 years.
I have married, cohabited and blended finances before. The last time ended only 4-years ago, which Nightingale said was a long time ago and that I am ready to move on because the relationship was short (We were together 9-years.).
In fact, in a few weeks, I’d have been married 28-years to my ex-husband. We were married 8/98 – 3/08. I was married to my ex-wife 5/14 – 9/22.
When we were driving back from the urban lake hike last Wednesday Nightingale asked me if I’d remarry. I said, “I don’t think that I want to.”
I realize now that I believe that I have spent more years married than she has.
Her daughter’s other mother and she were in a domestic partnership, and it seems to have lasted only through the time that her daughter was 4 or 5. I don’t know how many years they were together before Nightingale got pregnant. Her only marriage was 7-years ago and lasted 1-2 years. She also isn’t single long ever. I heard so many different women’s names when she would share about her life. I’m a good listener, so she certainly talked more about herself and filled the air much more than I anyway.
Nightingale helped me feel better about Scorpio.
The trajectory of 17-days was always hers. I never initiated sex once. I just showed up and was my normal, attentive self. I never made a promise to her that I didn’t intend to keep.
I also won’t ever think that you should rush living with someone and blending your lives. She asked far fewer questions about me and made lots of assumptions.
I hope that she can find exactly what she’s looking for in a long-term and lifetime partner.
For my part, I’ll keep seeing women as it makes sense and I feel passion. I don’t have an end game. I also have never stopped believing that it takes a year to get to know someone well.
I’ve had three sexual partners since my divorce. I waited over two-years to have sex with anyone.
After this fire, I have realized that I’m comfortable in many different relationship structures. It will be interesting to see what transpires going forward.
I’m glad to have clarity today. I’m also going to use my vacation time remaining to address things that I want to before I start my other two jobs and begin taking classes.
The woman who eventually fell in love with me, who I took home from a bar one night in 2009, had the Latin phrase know thyself on one of her thighs tattooed. I’m not sure how that shook out for her. She almost drank herself to death. She has a new liver and doesn’t engage with me at all anymore.
I know myself well.
I have also made so much progress with respect to what I want in my romantic relationships.
I have learned lessons that I apply to my dating and also my love relationships.
I read the Substack “Decolonizing Love.” There was a quiz on it–that I understand fully isn’t normative–that I took to see if I would test in the realm of Solo Poly. I didn’t.
Looking at it, I agree that I am mostly autonomous, and can still show up for partners who need some help from me or like it when I take the wheel to plan dates. Apparently, I’m not solidly autonomous, so I am maybe less solo than I think.
My main problem with monogamy is that I think it’s typically something that makes sense when you’re raising kids and when you are doing something that is status quo. I prefer to reflect on my decisions and choices to determine if they are ones that I am engaging in of my own free will.
There is also no way that a single romantic partner could meet all of my needs.
Scorpio was a great travel partner.
Given her heavy THC usage, she was nowhere near athletic enough to meet my adventuring needs.
I want to hike for miles and get better at climbing.
I need another partner to fill that order.
Frankly, I want partners period and am super single atm.
The last thing included on this test are ideas about sex.
I’ll be 52 at the end of summer and I’ve never had a STI. I’m going to keep it that way if I’m able. Sexual health matters as much as my step count and athletic abilities.
There is a massive difference between polyamory and promiscuity. And the latter involves a gamble for me too.
Related to my expressions of polyamory is that I’m probably demisexual. I need a massive emotional connection and pull to get naked with a woman. Until now, I had not realized how much I prefer being love or being soul-level connected to a woman to have sex with her.
In this moment, I’m trying to ensure that this painful end that I had 12-days ago is one in which I can find lessons in resilience.
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