Tag Archives: Matchmaker

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Coffee

It’s happening. And this woman is beyond cautious. She may give me a fake name.

It’s not like I don’t get it on some level.

Personally, I have gotten really adept at spotting romance scammers. I’ve been dating online for a year and have worked with this matchmaking service for six-months.

Now, I understand why the service said that our tapas thing last week (when a tree fell on her car) had a reservation under the concierge’s name.

She likes incognito.

Giving me her cell phone number would be a no fly zone for her, which is why she wanted to move to Google Meet with me. I think that I’m all set with any Google Meet dates regardless. They remind me of working.

The coffee is pretty late–10:00, so I won’t be having any. I try to be done at that time and during the academic year, I like to be done drinking coffee by 9:30. In fact, I am going to bike and then change. Then I’ll order something caffeine free that comes in a ceramic cup.

We find each other by what we’re wearing that day. I have to announce my outfit in the correspondence. I’ll put my purple dress and sandals with heels in my panier and bring a comb. I don’t wear a ton of makeup, so it will be fine.

Writing it out is helpful. I will leave to bike there a bit before 9–it’s not far from my house.

So, I’ll get there about 9:30. I’ll change. I want to have coffee in something not disposable. She’ll get a lot of information about me.

I’m definitely not cautious.

After I got divorced, I realized how much I love people. And I particularly love them 1-1.

Like any typical Virgo, I do have very high standards and they’re only for myself.

Ergo, I bike. I don’t like disposable cups and that seems really odd to have one when you’re consuming something in an established place.

Whatever you want to do is fine with me, because it doesn’t really affect me.

I made some grilled chicken chimichurri last night and cut up a tomato and put salt, garlic powder and some dried basil that I pinched into a fine dust on the slices. Then I arranged butter lettuce leaves on the bottom of my salad bowl, laid tomatoes on them, put sherry vinegar on it and olive oil on the lettuce. I took it over to my best friend’s house. I’d not seen her in ages. It had probably been late fall. She travels to different parts of Asia in January with her husband.

I told her the whole story about Scorpio and then about my coffee date that my date didn’t want. This date is a dinner person. Holding firm about coffee for a blind date is my statement. Let’s get to know each other in a low stakes environment. My best friend loved that dinner didn’t happen because nature intervened.

I’m getting better. Yesterday, I listened to “Downfall” too many times on repeat; however, I’m doing better for the most part.

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Rant

I got back from my 6th solo vacation last night and will have a lot of material to write about in forthcoming entries.

For now, I am going to rant.

I was hiking in the West Rim of Glacier National Park last Friday when I got a text message from the matchmaking service regarding a woman who lives between here and TN.

She sounded like a Republican.

There used to be no issue with that; however, now much of the ideology has become synonymous with religion as a tool for hatred and also a nod to times that probably were non-existent. Let’s face it: “Leave it to Beaver” had one real character and that was Eddie Haskell. I digress.

I texted this matchmaker, “Make sure she’s ok with my being Agnostic and also working in Public Service. I am not a Republican.”

I should also provide some context regarding that my package is completed. I had six dates. One via phone which later became a hike and the rest were video dates.

I’m in their “membership pool,” which I think means that I’m kinda like a chess piece for paid members for whom they’re having difficulty matching. I don’t pay for these dates going forward though–I pay for my food or beverages and that’s it. This time period will last through next spring.

I had one phone date with a woman who’s about 50-miles from me and we eventually met for a hike. I’m still in some contact with her. She’s smart and cool. She has her own TED talk.

Otherwise, I had video dates. In my mind, three went really well. One woman likes me a lot and won’t move from OR. I’d be fine with a partner in the Pacific NW, and I think she’s monogamous. So, she and I don’t have similar ideas about relationships.

This service lists my relationship style as “Open.”

Video dates aren’t my favorite.

My webcam is unforgiving. It reminds me of a concave mirror.

And I have NEVER in my nine-years of dating, had a dinner date for a first date.

Why would one do that? Particularly a blind date. You’d have to be very extroverted.

So, I was SUPER clear about that. I’ll write the clarity here:

“I’m currently driving back to Missoula from Idaho. I am free tomorrow. I don’t like doing dinner on a first date. The pressure’s too high.”

“I understand! Safe travels!”

“See if she’s amenable to having coffee or a drink. I don’t drink, but love club soda.”

“You got it! Maybe there is a cool mocktail bar?”

“We have awesome spots. A majority of my GFs have been drinkers. I also like to take walks in public parks. I don’t love my webcam; however, my speaking voice is one of my best assets. I am flexible generally. Just have always thought dinner is an oddly formal first date. Nothing like the stare down across the table for an-hour-and-a-half!”

“Totally get it! Working on setting something up now and will send details shortly. Stand by!”

Then I landed home and had this date information in an email:

“Get ready for your upcoming drinks and appetizers date at [insert the name of a tapas bar!] Enjoy a cocktail or mocktail and small plate or two as you get to know one another. To make it easy to find each other, a reservation has been made under the Concierge name.”

WTF?!?!

So, the text patronization rounds began.

“I’m nervous for a 6 pm dinnertime first date. Not my thing and I will be charming.”

“Hi, Tomboy. Thank you for reaching out! We totally understand that this process takes trust and vulnerability. We are here for you every step of the way. Remember that this could be your last first date. It could also be a great opportunity for you to learn more about yourself and your ideas of partnership. Release your attachment to any outcome and keep an open mind!”

“I don’t have an attachment. I just don’t prefer eating with a stranger. I will turn up the charm.”

“That is the perfect mindset! Bringing your charm will make it a fun experience no matter what. We completely understand that dinner with a stranger can feel a bit intense. Have a wonderful time!”

I couldn’t text back.

What a pile of shit.

I said that I wouldn’t do dinner. He (this woman’s Matchmaker) set up dinner.

“Last first date” is the most revolting thing that I have ever read.

I forwarded that whole message to Hockey and she said that it made her cringe.

I should note that Hockey is a standard monogamous lesbian who has even U-Hauled a couple of times.

What exactly should I be learning about myself with respect to partnership?

And where did I lose sight of my self-awareness?

I have been in therapy off and on since I was 14 when my body was shattered and my brother was killed. I don’t need an awkward AF dinner date to help me “learn more about [my]self.”

And this poor woman! She has no idea that I don’t do dinner with strangers. Her matchmaker set dinner, which I don’t do, and likely she paid $12,000 for her package. I think that her matchmaker set her up. She’s a person. She deserves respect. I will be so nice to her. If she’s MAGA who is anti-science and hasn’t done therapy, I’ll tie it up within an hour and ask her if she’d like a hug or handshake.

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Dates

I had one via video with a woman in Seattle who I liked on April 24th. She’d have been nice to get to know better; however, I think that she didn’t have the bandwidth for any distance and probably wasn’t that into me.

I had one on Tuesday.

No.

She had a lot of piercings up her ears, dyed blond spiky hair and really dark eyes. I would say too that as soon as the Meet opened she started talking and that she said fuck within the first 5-minutes.

I say fuck.

I don’t say it on a first date unless there is a dirty vibe between the woman and I.

I told my matchmaker that I didn’t feel like our energies match.

I was able to last 45-minutes and the whole thing felt a lot like speed dating. She wore me out.

I have a date this morning from a woman with whom I matched on the app. Incidentally, this is the app upon which I met MI–who came over for dinner last night–and also Scorpio. We’re taking a community walk and she’s still on my Burner number. I don’t think that I’m physically attracted to her; however, I do want to see in person.

I have a date tomorrow back on Meet at 1:30.

I rather enjoy dating in general. I like people and love them 1-1.

On Wednesday, Scorpio and I had a double date with a friend of mine who I’d met three-years ago in a now defunct polyamorous group and one of his partners. His wife (and nesting partner and mother to his two daughters) introduced me to my ex-GF. I used to attend a women’s discussion group that I really enjoyed and my buddy’s wife led it. She and I had a blow up and my ex-GF made me write her a letter a few months later. I wasn’t going to apologize yet did say that we had a misunderstanding. I’ll have to be cool with her and would NEVER trust her.

Anyway.

Scorpio and my buddy had a ton in common. They’d both been to Love Burn and were familiar with the same camps. They were giving me a hard time generally, which is something I really enjoy. My buddy’s partner can be a lot but she was fairly subdued. The first time that I met her she really turned me off. Then my buddy’s wife had a birthday party at a Hibachi and her GF was late so we were delayed, and she and I wound up talking. I enjoyed her. I learned during this double date that she doesn’t hear very well. That made her presentation in the discussion group make a ton of sense.

Back to the date.

We ate Thai in a restaurant between his house and my house and Scorpio got there via Uber. Then we went to a bar, but it was hot in there, there weren’t any seats available and there were SERIOUS hockey fans watching playoff games. So we went to another bar, I drank club soda, and then we all played pinball. It was super fun. Scorpio has that semi-bad girl vibe and she went out to the patio to get a little high. We all talked, met some people on the patio and then called it a night. We’ll go to mini golf and bumper cars together next month. I’m glad to have them because they’re poly too.

I think that this summer is going to be wonderful. I leave for my solo vacation in about 25-days and have plans with Scorpio to camp at a festival next weekend. For these next five weeks of spring and throughout the summer, I want to go on as many dates as possible. Hopefully, my two this weekend (which don’t include time with Scorpio) are wonderful.

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Matchmaker

Would you pay $933 for date if you didn’t really have to do any legwork? I guess that I will.

Apps are pretty trying. You have to put in work and many people want a fling for a night via text, gift cards or way more financial backing, or are just plain fake.

I’ve had seven dates in person since May.

I guess that I’ve been complaining a lot.

At the birthday party that I attended on NYE a friend told me, “Yes, and you’re not being date raped.”

Apparently a cardiologist in Denver took at least 11 women to brunch and drugged them at his house. These women made reports to the apps. Hinge and Tinder had reports and didn’t ban his profile. He’s now incarcerated and the apps certainly don’t have a good look at the moment.

I had my second consultation this morning with the saleswoman from the matchmaking company for my 6 curated dates that will occur over the course of this year, and she told me to write a vision for myself.

I’m doing that right now and will revisit what I’ve written for 18-years about lovers, my ex-wife and girlfriends.

I need to observe my evolution.

  1. Be open
  2. Be curious
  3. Ask lots of questions and probe further
  4. Seek adventure
  5. Try things that you don’t like / terrify you
  6. Maintain autonomy while enjoying fully this woman
  7. Laugh a lot
  8. Pause and lean in
  9. Stay honest
  10. Explain fully your need for Physical Touch, sex, and spontaneity in those areas