So, they are all for me now (rules). She was texting a bunch the last two days, so I just called her because I don’t want to text back and forth because it’s weird and we are no longer dating. She talked about her recovery and I told her about my determination that I am not at all into the engineer and that there was a woman in a bar who was checking me out and I didn’t notice at all, but my friend had told me to watch the video of when I sang karaoke, so I could see it. I probably won’t though, because it doesn’t interest me and neither do women right now either. She abruptly hung up; although, we have our “friends hat” on now.
Later, of course, she texted and told me that it hurts her to learn about how many girls are attracted to me because she still loves me and is attracted to me. I told her that we are not friends then. I need to be clear and so should she if she wants to feel better, etc. Then she told me that she would do couple’s work with me, but that she has so much to sort out individually–and that she is working on it too–so she cannot do that on top of it because she is not able to commit to double therapy. She said that in the interim she’d understand if I moved on, but between now and then she’d appreciate us physically connecting…
I worked 45 hours this week and will work 52 next week, so if she wants sex, she’ll have to drive to me. I will not go there for a long time, and there is a good chance that by the time I really need some intimacy that I’ll just go out around here to see if interest in women is something that can start to happen for me. Right now, they tend to annoy me or I guess I just don’t notice them. That is nearly 100% independent of her too, because I’m simply not ready to date. I wouldn’t date her again either without her making some serious changes.
I was feeling very good that she finally has admitted that she is the one who needs to do work. It’s not me. I’m stable and grounded and know that really I just eventually want to share my life with a woman, but don’t want to to share it with one who is on my ass all the time or picks fights. No thanks. So, if she wants to have sex, she needs to head my way, because I won’t ever text her first and I don’t want to drive up there anymore, because frankly it’s a financial and time sink–it’s not worth it to me unless we were building something. I get that she probably wants to date me, but I don’t want to date anyone who I don’t feel important to. If you really want me, come on down, as you know where I am, I’m a sexual person, and I’m more than happy to meet your needs, but it has to be on my terms, because you are the one who continued to push and pull, so now my ground rules are come to me if you want me, but I’m not doing dating maintenance.