Again, if she wants to have sex, she has to drive down here, and if that doesn’t work for her, we can go back to the land of whatever. For now, I will text here and there because she called me this morning and said that she wants to date again when she is doing better. We also reminisced about a funny time that we had last October, and then she said, “I miss you, ____.” I told her, “I’m sorry,” and I really am. Because what I miss is long, long gone as is that fun and carefree girl. I don’t think that she left just because her Dad is gone, but rather she fell in love with me quickly (As I did with her.) and showed me her best face for three-months, and then she started her controlling and unattached stuff that she does.
We shall see. Her journey is independent of mine and I don’t chase anyone. I did enough leg work for her when she was my girlfriend.
I’m pretty sure that she knows that I don’t desire a friendship with her ever. I would like us to be amiable, but right now, it’s not like that at all, as we still may have sex occasionally. However, I need to be clear with her at some point that I won’t drive up there for sex again. The barking dog incident (And this should not be confused with the psuedo-biographical account of the autistic teenager) cooked that for me, as I knew that I’d be blamed for her not sleeping. I am not going to be a punching bag at all even if we do occasionally have intimacy.
So, I guess if she does ever want me again, she’ll have to chase me a little. Otherwise, I will know that she’s just not that into me and I’m so fine single, that it’s not even funny. I would love to co-parent with a woman, but I’ve learned in five-years how to solo fly with supports.
I had a good night. I walked my dog and am chilling and going to hit the sack early. My son doesn’t have school tomorrow, so I’m writing tonight (here) and he is with my parents. We cooked tonight at a good friend’s house and her daughters and some of her friends came over and played a dance game on the Wii. It was really fun and I loved being around typically developing teenagers, as I don’t work with any who fit that bill. I have great friends. I’m fine on my own, and open to whatever happens next. I just won’t hustle for anyone right now, and need to keep focused on parenting and getting my schooling done.