My number is so paltry for being 38, but I think that because I told my psychologist last night that I’m not ready to date that exercises in before and after are probably good for me.  I don’t want to be part of the catch and release program anymore, so I am going to recall what I learned from every connection that I’ve had.  Sadly, some of these might be a reach, but I want to list what I learned:

1. High school = try to avoid enabling
2. College = if you make somebody cry frequently, you are not compatible
3. Marriage = if you continue to enable someone, you have to step away
4. Coming out affair = falling in love will make your heart race and consume your being
5. Cowgirl = I really can’t do casual
6. Musician = I won’t do push and pull
7. Drunk = start your day and end your day with a snuggle and enjoy water anytime you can
8. CEO = keep your body in the best shape possible, detail your day and plan your week so you are more able to enjoy time with your family, and be vulnerable
9. FB = I am seeking integrity, mellow is good, but not when it borders selfishness and hedonism, and I want time spent with someone with whom I am intimate to matter

I can look at these and see a pattern that follows every other relationship.  That really could mean that the next girl who I sleep with could be one who I could fall in love with and give my heart to–I am certainly open to that possibility.  Again, that means that there are some definite things that I don’t want.  I don’t want to be controlled or give too much of my time or resources.  I also want to resolve conflicts.  In addition to smart and sexy, I am seeking stable and kind.