Scorpio sent a one word response to me as it pertained to my emailed request for her to stop writing mean comments on my Instagram and talk in person. It was “Nope.” And, really, that’s the same as “Bye.” The latter is the last thing that she said when I told her that I didn’t think that I could do this on Thursday night.
What cold last words to say to someone who loved you. And someone who still is in love with you.
My lesson gathered is to be entirely direct after a few dates with how I want to fight and how a partner wants to fight. I have reached my life quota of being yelled at as I round the corner to 52.
The name calling and hairpin trigger was too much too.
I think that I used to have a bad temper. Now, I can get stern and that approach is part of my work with clients when I need to set an efficient limit. I certainly do the same thing with my son when he’s being rude.
I don’t yell.
I certainly don’t call anyone names.
I think that when I was with my ex-GF I became adept at examining my part in conflicts.
With the other conflict that Scorpio and I had, I understood my part. We had to talk about it several times. We landed in a good place too. Reflecting on it, I was mostly at fault there.
I had to accept that she wanted a partner at her friend’s birthday party. Those things are not my jam, and I did it because I love her.
I’m not sure how to talk to someone who yells and calls me names. I think that’s ok for me to talk about directly with subsequent dates. I also think that if I’m with another yeller, I need to state clearly that is fine–I know that you can’t change people–but if she begins yelling, I will ask once if she can gather herself to talk without a raised voice. I will say that if the yelling ramps up again that I don’t think it’s productive. I’ll leave.
When people yell because it involves a lot to get that revved up, I think that they also say things that they don’t completely mean. Scorpio said several things to me on Thursday night that were in anger I am sure. What’s she’s hung onto and now has as a belief is that I’m a liar. That’s not friendship material either.
I think too that given that she’s pretty high every night it’s difficult to tell what is THC and what is her true approach when she’s mad at a partner.
Although it will take me some time, and I may never be fully out of love with her, it’s best that I don’t contact her at all. So, I won’t.
Return 
I really hate this for you. Probably best not to contact but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}
I’m sorry she’s treating you like this. she might be afraid to love
Thank you.
What’s troubling is that I was able to say directly that my feelings weren’t acknowledged when she was yelling at me after I’d asked her to stop.
She had never been out of contact that many hours and my texts about appreciating her and having a nice 36-hours with her followed up by goodnight text an hour and half later were met with hooking up.
I know that would hurt anyone’s feelings. It’s tone deaf. It also seems like a gotcha or at the very least provocative.
Maybe she is scared of someone who loves her deeply. I think that she sabotaged our future when she couldn’t see my perspective and resorted to calling me names and continuing to yell.
I think you said the other day that sheight think of poly differently than you do. your expectations of the relationship may be different
Sure, and she is an aggressive fighter when she disagrees. I don’t think that works in monogamy either.
no it does not. but she might not want to be in a relationship
Why was she putting all of her energy and even casting spells to get a girlfriend in January?
January is a weird month. there’s the cultural expectation of Valentine’s, you just passed new years which is emotionally trying for some, facing the winter….maybe in January she wanted a girlfriend, but with summer approaching she feels lighter. priorities change
So she blew up a relationship and then attacked me publicly on IG? That’s strange.
She said on one of my posts that I had been wanting “to dump her “
you can never figure out what’s going on in someone’s head. if she retaliates and needs to explain herself, she’s not in a place to be involved with anyone. that’s on her not you
You sound like the author…
It really all hurt my feelings. I aspire to have Healthy Conflict. I’m going to name that specifically going forward. Good lesson for me.
I just kept telling her that all we needed to do was learn how to fight. There was so much good in our relationship.
all relationships are good until they’re not