I’ve known the climber for nearly 6 years. Our relationship started to change significantly in the fall of 2022 when she took me climbing. I think that it’s growing and I know my attachment to her is too. Seasonal change is upon us, and I know that I’m reflecting on her and whatever “us” is.

It’s getting on toward spring now and I’m so happy about it. I hope that we have a spring and it doesn’t just start getting beastly hot. I used to train practitioners in suicide protocols. Did you know that spring is the time that people die by suicide most frequently? I’m happiest in spring, so maybe that means that I always have something to look forward to annually. I don’t know.

Commute

End of a friendship: The nice guy gives excuses instead of commuting with me. One time he confirmed and when I got in my car to go to his house he called and said that he needed to go to the dispensary after work. Yesterday, it was that he needed to go to work early to set up. It’s ok. I think he’ll just fade out of my life after spring. I won’t see him unless he’s walking his dogs and I’m biking.

The climber (Batman) wanted to leave early and ride with me. However, my dogs take forever to walk now so when I got her text, it was late, and I texted that I’d try to get there at 7:20 and she said that she’d just come to me.

She had completed a super long inventory for one of our clients for me so I made her a toasted bagel sandwich (egg, cheddar, spinach) and washed some blueberries for her. She said that I didn’t have to do that because it was her job. I also had a cup of coffee for her too, and this time had vanilla protein milk which is a good substitute for creamer, I think.

We planned the end of our book on our drive to our building. She had a great idea regarding changing the art with the turning point of the protagonist. The main character is like me as a child and now I think that she’s adding elements of her to the character. It’s beautiful actually. I’m excited. We talked about our parents a little bit and she wasn’t tired and we were able to chat the entire time. The commute is pretty mundane after we get out of our neighborhood–it’s complete with a long stretch of city traffic and then two awful highways complete with poor rush hour drivers. Conversation between she and I certainly breaks up the monotony.

Riding Home

She talked a lot about work. She said because it was the last leg before summer term–a term that neither she or I work–it was a good use of time. I said, “I had you all to myself in the car and we mostly talked about work!” She laughed. She planned the final page of our book and said she’d sketch before she did her ice climb workout that she does every Monday.

When we got to my driveway she said, “Thank you for driving. I love your company. I’m so excited to sketch,” and she was lingering by her door. I put my lunchbox, backpack and jacket down. She walked around the front of my car and embraced me tight. We both took deep breaths. I kissed her cheek.

I said that I would be starting breath work, which is concentrating deeply on your breath and moving it in a guided fashion through your body with a guide. I had mentioned previously that all the talk therapy that I’ve done has run its course. I said that when she gave me feedback about not breathing, I knew that was some work that I should do. She said, “You weren’t breathing at all!” I said, “You make my heart race!” She said, “You really like to make me blush!” I said, “While that’s true, right now, I’m just being honest.”

I like this slow and somewhat deliberate expansion between Batman and I ❤ She is part of what I’m thinking about and hopeful for this spring.