I’m ok.  Really I am.  I can remember feeling just like this late summer and early fall of 2008, and then when 2009 rolled around I dated three different women within six-months.  I was ferreting out what I wanted during that time.  It’s odd that I wound up spending so long after that with the same woman.  I’m glad to say that I didn’t do that in my recent ex’s holding pattern.  I could have stayed with her too if I hadn’t told her that I couldn’t approximate dating because of the way that it makes me feel…  So here I am four and a half months later, with few answers, but feeling like I put a hard stop on things that I really couldn’t tolerate.

Even if you are within the worse days of your life, it’s not ok to put someone down all the time or is it to make complaints about them.  My shortcomings wound up being mostly what we were conversing about when we finally did see each other.  That and flying off the handle got really old.  The chess board is on a shelf and there won’t be any moves anymore, and that’s fine with me.  I left it at that I agree that we don’t communicate the same, and that we CERTAINLY don’t fight the same.

One of my buddies came to dinner last night, and she spent the night in our basement.  She has been my friend for five-years.  She was in a fairly dark place last night and had actually cried at work, so she was especially vulnerable.  Her relationship is starting the bumpy cycle.  I actually don’t care for her gf much.  She does that competitive conversation thing and she also is completely self-involved.  My friend has put up with the latter a whole bunch.  Apparently, she gets sick quite a bit when she is stressed and then has been blaming it on my friend.  To me, they just don’t sound all that compatible, but the other thing is that you are responsible for your reactions to other people.  Blaming stuff on others is just a way to lack accountability for your part in things.  I think that because my friend loves her, that she probably will just put up with it, but that’s not what I want for me.  I told her, “I just wish that she listened to you, and that she didn’t seem to take you for granted.”  I know that now I will have a roommate for a year.  She is not going to move in with her gf anytime soon.  That’s cool.  I can use the money.

Remember when Tom Cruise’s character agrees with his love interest that he is just looking to be inspired?  I can inspire myself, but I’m looking for a girl who finds inspiration in a hike, a beer on the porch, listening to a song while talking, and hanging out after dinner before putting the dishes away.  I just want to connect with someone around those simple things and enjoy those moments.  I’m looking for a woman who is secure enough with herself, how she presents, and what she wants so that she can connect to me, and eventually, my son.

2 thoughts on “Inspiration

  1. Stop looking and simply be. Let love find you. It always does.

    • TomBoy says:

      Sounds like an Indigo Girls song… I don’t look. I’ll run into some girl who is good where she is. That I do know. Thanks for reading.

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