Love and Gratitude

I am 39 today.  That seems like an important birthday.

I’m going to try to call her and see if my Dad will cook dinner for me.  He really wants me to see his old professor friend who is in town only tonight–this guy teaches at American.  I will make an effort to drive over there; although, I don’t have much gas and don’t know if I have any money in my account.  It would help me get my son fed too, and because my Dad is stable, and has been for four-years, my son has a wonderful relationship with him that I am glad to get to see.

My father called me twice yesterday when we were meeting with large team regarding a hold that was put on a child who was unsafe.  I had to work really late as a result, and my cold took over my body.  That meant that I had little energy, so I took my son out to eat quick Chinese and then we traipsed around a used book store that we like.  I’m still on the prowl for a Disney anthology from the early 60s that has an abstracted version of “Old Yeller” and “Toby Tyler” in it.  I couldn’t find it last night, and I still have no idea why my aunt won’t let me have the copy that I read all the time that my grandmother had.  Who knows?  Now, I still need to meet with my Boss (I was way too sick last night), as I was supposed to last night, but couldn’t because I felt really sick.  I need to get that scheduled in the next five days so I can keep up with my dissertation.

My artist is a good difference and contrast to any of these things.  My son embraced her so tightly in church on Sunday when he came back to us and left Sunday school.  I miss her.  I know that I saw her Sunday, but I really miss her and last Thursday was such a powerful date.

She has admitted to me that she has not made it 7-years with anyone.  I have not had anything approximating serious less those two different relationships that I had during the years of 2009 through 2012.  Those were short though.  Both were about two-years, but had break-ups in them, so they don’t feel sustained enough to actually call them longterm relationships.  I can’t imagine where I’ll be in 7-years.  I’m just setting weekly goals right now.

My goal today is to get ahold of her for a few minutes on the phone.  I’d like to ask a boring question regarding her custody arrangement with her little boys.  Mine is basic.  I have him always less every other weekend.  She knows that.  She also knows that I have love and gratitude for her.  I sent her a CD and wrote a love letter in it.  I didn’t say, “I love you,” because I want to say that someday in the future, in person and unplanned.  I did say many things that I love about who she is though.  I also wrote a paragraph about my gratitude for her opening this door for us, because I know that with a woman this beautiful, that I may have not been able to do so even with the knowledge that she is bi.  She was touched by the letter and CD.  I’m glad, because my workout partner cautioned against this effort and gesture.  I’m just doing what is in my heart right now, and following my passion.

5 thoughts on “Love and Gratitude

  1. Happy birthday! If I’d be closer I’d cook for you today!!! And once you wrote me you’re old (I told you then it’s not true!), now I finally know your true age 🙂

  2. lanie belluz says:

    Happy Birthday! I hope it goes grand!

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