The woman who leads our women’s group doesn’t enjoy reading. I am reasonably sure that she has some difficulties with comprehension too. One of her partners has reading books together as a requirement. For whatever reason, she tells me that it’s not a requirement, but I don’t know what else it is to give somebody a book and then keep asking them when they’re done so you can talk about it. That at the very least feels like pressure to do something that you have no interest in doing.
I can’t build anything. It takes me days to do so when I have to use something new. We got about 4-inches of snow, so I had to winterize my cooler on my own. Last night, I gave up and finally took off the entire fitting because I couldn’t work around the pin to loosen the nut to get the poly water tube taken off.
Now, I did plant the step ladder safely, go up on the roof and take out the nut to the plug to drain what little water was left in the unit. I also had to wrap up the unit and tie straps around it so it was protected from snow. Finally, I reversed directions and came back down to the ground on the ladder. I can do that stuff.
I can’t build a grass catch for a mower.
My son’s wagon handle has hardware that is backwards.
My handwriting is hideous.
I can’t draw.
I couldn’t IMAGINE if my current girlfriend said that we needed to paint together to bond. That would be debilitating for me. I would likely cry while we were painting together.
However, it’s really common in relationships to require something of someone that they don’t like.
I think it’s weird. Reflecting on it, it also seems controlling.
Another thing that I know, from my personal experiences, is that people force compatibility.
You can find someone very physically attractive and have nothing to talk about and not really enjoy each other’s company. Then you have sex and that keeps you together. At least that offers you dopamine hits.
What do you require of a significant other (s.o.) to do with you that is not enjoyable for your s.o.? Do you believe that in relationship you should just go along as well as you can with things that you get no joy out of doing? Why should you require, or at least strongly suggest that a s.o. do something with you that as a grownup, they know that they don’t like doing and will not be adept at doing?
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I think for me and mine our common ground that we like to do together is cook. She likes to build things and is always working on the house, building the deck, cutting up trees, etc. I do not enjoy that work whatsoever but I will help her from time to time if it’s a big job and she needs help loading, carrying and holding stuff. I really loathe anything yard wise like edging, blowing and cutting grass even though I used to have my own landscaping company but I was doing that only because I was unemployed at the time. She hates anything computer or technical and those always fall on me which I’m happing to do. She likes to fix things – like she just took apart an outside fan we had and fixed it. She likes to build things I like to make jewelry so we both have our creative outlets.
I love side-by-side hobbies! I am usually the cook though. One time Batman and I made a meal and it was so fun.
I couldn’t fix a fan. It would be backwards when I rebuilt it. My ex-wife was really handy, which was cool.
I do the yard work, snow shoveling and now all the cleaning because I’m solo. I only ever had help with the latter.
I love that neither of you subtly suggest or lean on the other to do things that aren’t preferred: technology or yard work as it were.
Oh, now I didn’t tell you about wood splitting season. I always have to help with that – stacking wood – I feel like I played a rugby game after that!
For me, having some common interests are part of the attraction to someone, so I don’t think I could end up in a relationship that lacked them. OTOH, it seems good to have differing interests, as well. I think partners need outside interests to keep things fresh.
Not lacking them in my opinion, but people have different strengths and I think that requiring or forcing a partner to do something with you that they loathe is weird.
Yeah (“loathe” seems a strong word, though). It’s something of a matter of degree, perhaps. Asking for company to the opera (or whatever) once in a while seems a small ask for love. Constantly pressing books on someone who doesn’t like reading seems another matter.