Almost 7-months of dating.

Oof. I’ve made all the plans for us less NYE and did add dinner to her plan because I wanted some time with her 1-1.

I’m also at a point wherein I’m not getting enough physical intimacy. That is something that I want and sometimes feel like I need.

I tried to have a friendship conversation with her on Saturday the 8th and she cried and was really upset. I think that we have been like friends all month though. She asked me, “Do you hug and kiss your friends?”

I do.

I also would be perfectly comfortable holding a friend in a bed to comfort her.

We have really fun plans this week. I told her on the phone last night that I don’t want to color those plans so we’ll have a talk on the 31st at some point. I hope that it’s not at night. I hope that it’s not in the running car while her daughter is “napping.”

In fact, now that I’m writing about it, I realize that I would pay for the super expensive older babysitter too. I don’t know if that’s on the table though because she’s her daughter.

It’s horrible, but if she doesn’t have clients that night, we may have to have the conversation at 7:30 that night. That is always a difficult time for her because it’s like her afternoon and she is intermittently sleepy.

Her sleep is 11 pm to 12 am until about 3 or 4 am. She’s up for an hour, and the she goes back to sleep until 9 or 10 am. She’s done this since her daughter was sleeping through the night.

It’s no secret that I’m both intense and passionate. I took a picture of what a friend wrote in our sophomore yearbook and sent it to him yesterday afternoon.

In 1991, he wrote, “Keep playing your guitar. For some reason, you reminded me of a big rockstar or something.” Yesterday as we were texting back and forth with him and he added, “And me writing that makes so much sense in my head still! Like you’ve always had this big energy that’s so uniquely you!!”

I endorse the quote by Naomi Wolf too. “Do nothing without passion.”

So, here’s my idea for the last day of the month. And, I want it to be that day if it’s even remotely possible.

I haven’t made a single plan for us in April.

I want to be her comet. When she feels moved to see a ballet, a show, eat Thai, BBQ, etc., she can text me. I’m totally down paying. Now that my career is filled out, I make lots of money.

I also want to be around at those rare times when running her practice, full-time parenting and managing her life leaves room and desire for sex.

However, she can text me. Things are feeling way out of balance. And it’s lacking passion.

I want to be there when it makes sense for both of us. It’s not right now.

And, I get it. She went from wanting a nesting partner and trying to get me to be convinced that I want to remarry, to not wanting a stepparent for her daughter, to now loving all her solo time that she rarely gets. She still wants a girlfriend though. And I’ve not felt like her girlfriend this month. I think that she needs to think about that a bit. I want her to hear my perspective and see what she thinks.

For my part, right now, I’d like to be her comet.