I wasn’t going to blog for a couple of weeks.
And I wouldn’t if my topic wasn’t important.
I worked in numerous capacities in the same place for seven-and-a-half years. It was 2008 through May of 2015. In one of my roles I was an adult coach who taught basic crisis skills for adult-serving youth, crisis prevention and intervention, suicide intervention skills, trauma-informed practices, soft skill development for youth, and de-escalation skills when youth are violent. I didn’t like the job.
I did meet and fall in love with my mentor.
She was a fairy or other ethereal being.
She died August 13th.
She was three-years older than me chronologically.
She was a leadership director, an artist, a photographer, a prolific letter writer (NOT EMAIL) and a wine reviewer. She had once sent me a wine review because she said that the bottle and wine itself was me. She could tolerate my intensity and wasn’t troubled by my brand of weird.
My current Boss is in the position that she held 2009 – 2014 and then I met her when she was a Director the following year when she moved on from where she worked.
He told me about her death yesterday in the hallway because he said that he was shocked that he didn’t hear back from her via text this fall. (I had felt the same way.) I didn’t know that she had gotten cancer in 2024.
When I am stressed out, I always did and always will continue to think of her calm and love. There wasn’t a single thing that she touched that wasn’t affected by her kindness and energy. She was also funny and not everyone knew that.
One morning in 2016 we were walking down the hall in passing and she made eye contact with me and said, “Good morning. How are you doing?”
I said, “Just plugging through these days using my usual heft.”
She heard, “Plugging through with crystal meth.”
She turned on a dime and said, “Whatever gets you through.”
I learned later what she thought that I had said.
I know that people are given to saying how beautiful people are when they pass away, and people especially tend to do so when folks die due to illness or are taken violently and such, but she had a level of grace about her that was unparalleled. She was honest, beautiful, had impeccable style, and would meet me for bagels at 6:00 am just so we had an hour and 45-minutes to catch up. And she did that for everybody.
An introvert and gentle soul who touched anyone from Customer Service Agents or people who were lucky enough to receive training from her, her impact was felt across this world. And she was tough, honest and real.
I’ll leave you with a lesson that she learned in 2009 or 2010. She had an employee who wore really tight clothes and low cut shirts and worked with 11-15 year-old young men. She sent out an email to her staff regarding business and professional attire on Friday.
On Monday, her employee’s breasts were hanging out and many other women were in heels and men in ironed button-downs and even ties.
Feedback must be direct and never global. As difficult as it seems, it needs to be in a 1-1 conversation.
I’ll miss you forever, K, and I’m so lucky that I had as many hours with you as I did. Thank you for mentoring me.
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