Swallow them

Do you have to swallow your words? I do. I think–use fewer going forward.

I wrote this on August 12, 2008: So, I went to a new bar tonight and sang a couple of my old favorites.  It was fun, but the hotties there were jailbait.  I don’t want to be 10-years older than someone who I am dating.  That is frightening!  When the hell did I get so old?  Seriously, who do I have to punish?  Glad that one class is done and all work is accounted for–so now it’s onto finishing up my last two papers for the other course.  Goodnight.

Uh oh. What about when you’re trying to start dating someone 11-years, three-months and 28-days younger than you. She’s so not jailbait. She is a dancer, an artist, a climber, kindhearted, charming, sensual, open, funny, bold, and sexy. I don’t care about age.

I think of Harrison Ford for me anyway: “It’s not the years, it’s the mileage.” I have to get surgery next week to cut out the prickly pear cactus quill from my palm. Fucker. I should have let her take all of the quills out on October 6th! I got one out of my thumb and another out of my heart line of my palm, but this thing is tenacious. When she was taking them out, I pulled away. I pulled away later in my house when she had her arm around my waist too, and it took until she pressed the length of her thigh against mine on my loveseat for me to deal. Probably because I had two glasses of Red Zin too. Why do I have to keep telling myself that she came onto me first? Turns out that I kissed her first though. I had to ask. I wasn’t actually sure on the 30th of October so I asked her when she was laying on my chest in between kissing. I knew I’d kissed her neck, but didn’t know who made the first move with our lips.

Back to the quill: it’s below the forefinger on my palm. I guess that is the mount of Jupiter. It says on the proverbial Internet that that area of your hand is associated with power. I feel so relaxed around her when it’s just us. I can just be. I’ve told her things that I keep so private and it just rolls out. I’m cautious, so that’s weird. I just trust her. The quill disarmed my power. Hahahahaha.

I am so excited for the ballet. I called her last night and she had stressful things going on, so we couldn’t talk and I liked hearing her voicemail. We texted a little today. Oddly, we are both communicating with lawyers. She is dealing with her house, and I am beginning the slow process of my parents’ estate. I need to eat some food, and go to bed. I have an incredibly long day tomorrow and today my mother has been gone one year. 😦

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