Things we do

I have to admit, and it’s NOT easy.  I can’t give up our intimate life.  So, I told her let’s do the FB thing.  I think that she was offended.  But, I was totally serious.  Because she has hurt me so much and with great frequency this year and she mostly says that she’s just irritable because of her loss, I have really hardened my heart.  I love her, but the whole in love thing has layers of caution surrounding it.

I did the “let’s just see when we can feasibly be friends” on Friday night and then she called on Saturday.  She was furious with me because I’m doing well, and I am.  Namely because I’m out of the doldrums.  That place is not a good one for me to be in, and just saying it and explaining that waiting around for a break-up is not what I’m able to do anymore with what I’ve got going on in my life, willed her angered beyond belief.  In fact, she said, “I look forward to the time that we can be friends.  Bye.”  And I said bye and left for my son’s soccer game.  She called me about 20-minutes later and asked if I got her message that she had left for me on my home phone and told her that I was heading to soccer.  She said that she wanted me in her life, that I didn’t have to listen to the message, but she doesn’t want a break and wants our friendship to be always.

After soccer that changed to flirtation, which does, get me hot.  I’m telling you, making love to her is not like anything.  I mean it too.  So, I told her, “When you want to add me to the mix, consider me for an FB.”  She said, “When you get tired of mediocre sex with other women, you let me know.”  Then when we texted and confirmed, she said that she’d tell me where she was at when we were together.  My picture is not in her bedroom anymore, and frankly the two of her and her son are not in mine in addition to some other things she has given me, but Dear God, what great sex.  Wow.

So, she said, “Let’s leave it at light, but remember that I’m in love with you.”  So, I’m not in summer swing of things, but I don’t have to loose the best intimate connection that I’ve ever had.  I’m glad.  I told her on the phone that we don’t have to define it.  If she does start pinning me down on that–likely after Memorial Day or in June–I’ll say that NOT without counseling.  Our relationship has gotten really fucked up regardless of the reason.  If we continue this summer, we’ll need professional guidance.

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