I think that I have a list of deal-breakers.  I read an entry this morning while I was waking up, which gave me a good idea for writing. The author explained that many blogs are about the writer’s ideas and is her or his platform.  Having realized that I have written for five years about dating (one of which is in this blog), I thought that a post regarding deal breakers was appropriate this morning on a day that I have to work 12.5 hours.  Here are the things that yield:

You are not my life partner

1)  You cook like a pig

• When she makes you a “special” meal and treats your kitchen like a war zone and the top of your stove and cookware like a dartboard, she is probably not your life partner.  Respecting the area where you make meals is key to her approach to many things in this life, and breaking bread and sharing food is often good foreplay.

2)  You don’t sleep worth shit

• You can’t be with someone who doesn’t sleep much or is so high strung that she wakes up all the time or tosses and turns.  Even on a King sized bed, you will sense this unrest and it will prevent you from getting much sleep, and long-term, it will ensure that you have shitty sleeping patterns even on your non-conjugal nights.

3)  You don’t eat what I eat

• Drop the phone, and it’s not what I meant; although, I do have opinions about that, it is not the purpose of Item #3 in this list.  I think that people with weird diets or those who eat things that have 27 ingredients because they fear weight gain as if it’s a cliff with zombies chasing you, won’t really be your life partner.  Sharing a meal can be a great time for conversation and connection, and if you have to take out good things that feed your mood and provide you with fullness, it’s going to be a long haul.

4)  I have premeditative thoughts when we travel together

• If she trashes out the sink, doesn’t pull up the covers and strews shit all over the hotel room when you travel, she expects “help” and probably just cleans up her place when you visit.  This is her game day face and maybe there isn’t enough alcohol in the world to continue to date her.

5)  You live like a Rock Star

• Girls who party hard every weekend and want to lay in bed until 11 half-assed sleeping tend to depress people who have to / want to do something productive with their weekends.  Someone who smells like a distillery each morning and can’t string together sentences until late afternoon or evening on Saturdays is probably not someone who you plan to champion around your friends.

6)  When you speak, many recoil and others exhibit the “must run away” look

• We all know these girls (and sometimes perhaps guys).  These are the ones who actually force you to listen to them and talk over people or do so in a loud voice that says, “Look at me, and I have wonderful things to say, but when you speak, I will say, ‘Uh huh, uh huh,’ and will nod like a bobble-head in an Oldsmobile that is driving way too fast, so I can quickly talk again.”

7)  The sound of your voice doesn’t give me chills, pause, or make me hot

• Even if you are stellar in the sack, there is something about the sound of a woman’s voice, and it should, to you, be pretty damn sexy even when you are not in the act.

8)  I never laugh around you

• Life is short.  Few things are serious.  Laughter creates all kinds of beneficial things for our bodies and souls.  If you can’t laugh with your girlfriend, you will change your outlook on your days and even hours.

9)  Kids?

• Oh the proverbial dichotomy!  You either want to raise them or you don’t.  I come from the school that NEVER asks, “So when are you going to add kids?”  Let’s face it, it’s another full-time job and there are plenty of people who keep mental health service providers in business, so don’t feel obligated to cave or vacillate on what will really change your whole life.

10)  I have been with you six-months and don’t know any of your family or friends

• If you haven’t met anyone, there are only two possible explanations.  She is really not into you, or she has no social circle.

That’s my lessons yielded.  This entry is my platform.  Would love to hear comments or what you don’t agree with in this entry.