Now, I guess that I’m having an emotional affair.  Tuesday was weird because I was excited to get to see my son after I walked my dog, but he was pissy for a good twenty-minutes having been with his Dad for a long time.  I won’t get a normal schedule back with him for ten more days either.  This time is hard during his school year.  We fixed it all and had a good night.

Then, my ex has been doing things that I can construe as trashy.  She is having some kind of relationship with my cousin and apparently will also do so with my cousin’s kids.  When I confronted her about it via text, she sent me bizarre messages about how my cousin wants a friendship with her, but my cousin told me that my ex wants to have her as a friend.  So?  Let them both have some fucked up friendship.  It makes no sense to me, but I don’t need it to.  Now, I tend to think that my ex invites in fights and friction and what she always calls “tumultuousness.”  So, go do that.  I guess you need family members of your ex to do that, so knock yourself out.  I put nails in a coffin with that weirdness.

But, the messed up stuff is that the singer and I chatted nearly all Tuesday night.  About everything too.  I am almost 39-years-old and I have started an emotional affair.  There is this singer who I know, who has been flirting with me significantly for awhile.  She had talked about how gorgeous my son was at the end of June, and also then told me that he was my spitting image.  I skirted it pretty well.  I was in a low, low place on Tuesday.  It took 20-minutes to reconnect well with my son, I realized that my ex has serious problems that materialize anywhere that she feels that she can have some control over me, and this singer sent me the emoticon with the tongue out after I dropped off my son.  I said, “What is that for?”  And she said, “Because I can.”  And I said, “That is double entendre.”  And she said, “Absolutely!”  It was downhill from there.  And it was fervent and hot.  The interactions were all text, and the amount of time was nearly 3-hours.  I have no idea how she got away from her kids that long.  And her PARTNER.

I felt badly about it.  I know that she did too.  I don’t know.  Honestly, I can’t believe that I engaged in any of that shit.  I told her all kinds of things and she certainly did so with me.  It was a like a breaking point that began from the time that she and I first talked in February.  I knew that she was flirting with me, but it was odd, because I wouldn’t reciprocate.  I’m not even sure what the breaking point was for me.  I could feel something with her, but then at the end of June, I just knew that it was dangerous chemistry that I wanted to avoid.

Why didn’t I avoid it on Tuesday night?  What the fuck is wrong with me?  I can’t believe that I engaged in this kind of talk with a woman in a partnership.  I can’t think of a single thing that I didn’t talk to her about too, and it’s all inappropriate.  She is in a sexless, loveless partnership.  I am so single that I can’t believe it.  Ultimately, we have the fucked up timing.  She is a music afficionada who loves family, and being outside.  Fuck me.  I don’t get it.

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