I parallel parked and walked toward the restaurant. I’d never been there so I was heading in, but the Realtor was on the patio so I went over there. I asked, “Have you been here long?” She said that she’d just gotten there and that she chose outside and asked if I’d like to move. I said, “Any excuse to be outdoors is one that I always take.” She laughed and said that she sat down at the tail end of Happy Hour and bottles of wine were $24, so she ordered a red that was spicy. I said, “Good choice. I wouldn’t have drunk any white.” She said, “Compatibility! I am so glad that I chose well!” Odd word choices.
And then we talked, and talked and talked. She asked me about Batman right away. She asked if she was a friend.
I said, “She’s not a comet; although she’d described herself to me as that when we went to the Nutcracker, but she’s like a satellite. I see her typically once a week and she’s blocks away from me so I can feel her bat signal.” It gave me pause that was the topic which she chose for the initial portions of our conversation. I told her, “She’s great. She went to my Christmas Party at the University last year and then did the art show with my best friend.” The Realtor said quickly, “I would do that!” I asked, “Are you an extrovert? I certainly wouldn’t.” The conversation was interesting to say the least.
Then we moved to relationship history conversation. We quickly ate the seared brussels sprouts, but didn’t eat our dinner completely or quickly. She’d ordered a Montepulciano de Abruzzo for our wine, which is so funny.
The majority of my Italian heritage is from Abruzzo and we’re Abruzzi.
The two-hours flew by. I walked her to her car and told her that I was hugging her and didn’t give the shitty shoulder hug. I embraced her. It wasn’t like pushing my whole body against the climber as we’d done on Monday, but it was a legit hug.
The whole thing was like a date. She’s a good dinner conversationalist. That’s a date! She doesn’t hike hard like I do and certainly would never try a peak again, but she’s smart, multilingual, easy-on-the-eyes, funny, flirty, and charming. I’m not going to see her until around her birthday. I had her write on the $100 that I had in the Thank You Note that I wrote for selling my parents’ house. She would’ve had to donate it. She put her first initial on it and also wrote 40. She’ll turn 40 three-days after Batman turns 38. Life is so weird.
When did having a birthday week become a thing? I had someone write on my FB timeline “Have a great birthday month!” No, I draw the line there. I would say that with a Tuesday for my 49th that I am somewhat entitled to a birthday week, but not the entire month. That’s weird.
I had dinner with my two favorite women from my bowling team on Tuesday and had a ton of fun. They knew my other colleague and got closer with her as a result of the dinner, and said that she was decidedly cool. I don’t usually ever drink hard alcohol, but it was my birthday so I asked if they could make their monthly (Oh, no, does that mean that I did, in fact, partake in a birthday month?!?) special margarita with Patron Silver in lieu of the house tequila and also pineapple puree? They could. The bartender also shaved cinnamon from a stick and lined one side of each glass and placed a fresh pineapple slice on the glasses with an agave leaf on the other side. I bought a round of those. They comped a salsa trio. I splurged and bought steak fajitas! They wanted to comp a dessert, but I don’t like sweets. We had good conversation and a great meal. It was incredible.
My son came over for dinner the next night and we had a nice time. I got to see him on Friday night as well and we ate dinner at a burger place with the patio where I could bring the dogs. The food was great, and he said that he would be eating there again with his girlfriend.
I had dinner that Saturday night with my best friend and Mini Boss. I had good rigatoni with red sauce and loved my best friend’s Clams Malfadine. I also had an IPA that was actually served at the correct temperature! They chill them often in restaurants or pour them from a keg with all beers that are super cold, so they have a hoppy bite. I couldn’t believe it, but my best friend kept drinking it! I told her that she would like a sour more, and she ordered one. I had to finish mine and hers, but was shocked that she was drinking beer. I’d never seen that! Maybe it’s because she’s 50. Mini Boss had a Mezcal drink. She loved it. She had summer risotto. They’d never met, but were fast friends. I love making friend connections. I made more of those the next day.
The alarm was 3:45 the following morning. We have this tradition of the summit cookie when we do super long hikes with my son. They’re just Rice Krispy Treats, but we used to buy them from a fast, casual pasta location. I made those Saturday morning with vanilla vegan marshmallows and cacao sprouted rice cereal. I also used a half-cup of regular butter so they’d bind well. My son was VERY excited for them. He was so cute the afternoon before our hike. He called me and asked how old he was when he had first climbed that particular peak and I sent him photos and a trip report I’d written. I was so excited to climb with him!
I got to the parking lot about 5:10 (I was late.) where my son and I were going to meet both the Ballet Dancer and the Realtor for our drive to the trailhead. The Ballet Dancer jumped out and embraced me and then immediately embraced my son and the Realtor. I would have been a complete tool had I not embraced her, so I did and noticed that it was a shoulder hug. Not a full body hug like it was this summer. It made things really easy right away. Both the Ballet Dancer and the Realtor began napping right away when I had been on the highway for about 15-minutes. Had my son not talked to me in the pitch black night for the 127-miles, I would have fallen asleep. He was open and charming and I was so grateful for him.
We got there and I started getting my gear. I was putting on my hiking boots when the Realtor started commenting about the cold. When we started out my son said, “I can’t do this in a t-shirt and a windbreaker,” so I gave him the keys to get the hoodie that I keep in the back of my SUV. The Realtor said about 10-minutes later, “I should have checked the forecast. I am going to go back to the car.” I told her that it would be 52 on the summit. She hiked more with the two of us, and when I saw my son sprinting up, we all waited. He said, “I’m not feeling well enough to do this.” I hugged him and said that it was no problem and the Realtor commented about the wind and I told her that we would be out of the wind once we were on the switchbacks of the trail, and she said, “I’m going to go back with _______. You have a buddy and I’ll have a buddy.”
I had a pan full of Rice Krispy treats in a bread bag and only the Ballet Dancer and I did the summit. When we got to the saddle of the mountain, she actually started getting pretty anxious. She was even using the high dollar profanity! In fact, she shall never be able to live me down saying “Fuck this,” in the stylings of the Exorcist voice. She was really freaked out and I saw a new side of her and a semi-demonic voice. I think that I channeled the Climber (Batman), and I asked her what she needed. I also gave her an out. She said that she wouldn’t get this close to the summit and turn back even being terrified. I helped her by being in front of her and only hiking when she would say, “Go.” We helped another woman who was terrified by the exposure too and had a nice summit lunch.
When we got back to the car, I got to hear one of my favorite things which is overheard conversation porn. The Ballet Dancer and the Realtor became fast friends and the Realtor has a dating prospect for the Ballet Dancer. The whole thing helped me. The Realtor and I have so little in common. Even if she wasn’t looking for an escalator relationship, we don’t really have overlap in the ways that we show up to be able to date. It wasn’t what I was thinking would happen, but I’m so glad that we stuck to the chance for her to climb a high peak although she sat in a car at the trailhead with a 17-year-old! And I’m incredibly proud of the Ballet Dancer for doing one of these. She said it’s her first and last. The Realtor also had a long conversation with my son about career. I’ll write out an appropriate Thank You Note to give to her Wednesday, which could be the last time that I see her pre-arranged.
The nice guy has flu symptoms this morning, so he generated a group text between the Climber (Batman) and I this morning. I texted to the group, “Feel better, ______!” and later the Climber texted two sweet lines to him. I texted her after I saw the text that she’d sent to the group thread, “I will leave my house at 7:20 to pick you up.” And she texted back thank you. I didn’t make coffee for her, but said, “Because you like sweets, I’m giving this bag of Rice Krispy treats to you.” She said, “These are fancy ones!” She even asked me again if I was serious about giving them to her when we got to work. We had a pleasant ride in, failed meeting together because Catholic hadn’t hustled to get the family at the meeting, and a lovely ride back home.
We shared work stories because the Boss at this site is behaving really negatively toward seemingly everyone, and we connected. I wound up talking about my coming out affair and the aftermath. I told her a few details which I had written about in May of 2010, but they occurred in December of 2007.
“The next morning we spoke and she explained that in addition to her never wanting to be a mother, she was so far past being ‘anyone’s dirty little secret anymore.’ I didn’t even see her until the following weekend, and she only would talk to me on the phone about twice a week, instead of every single night as she had done for about 4-months. That Saturday night, we watched some SNL, and she started holding me. That would be the pattern for the month of December. She would eventually touch, cuddle, or kiss me, and stop me if I got to where she couldn’t keep me from taking the next step, which had been normal for us until that month.
I resigned the following Friday. I got another job that Monday, which would start late January. She went out of town the week that I resigned. She texted me the day of the face-to-face interview with the team, as I had passed the administrative interview, and then we had a cold conversation on the phone. That is what December was like… She got colder and colder, and more removed from me. It was so strange–watching someone become an iceberg. It was like the lyrics to “China” by Tori Amos.”
The Climber rubbed my shoulder and had tears in her eyes. I held her hand in the car. She’s so incredible. I asked her to come to my best friend’s art opening and she said, “Yes.” I went to her house tonight and one of her housemates said that she was at the store. She came in the backdoor and said hello and that I should come inside and that her cat would greet me. She got ready within 7-minutes and looked gorgeous! Velvet pants, a tank top that would gather around her shoulders as well–but she left the sleeves off until later so that I could drool over her arms–and gold ballet flats. When she was coming down the stairs I told her that it was no fair! She said, “I saw you, and had to do this!” I did NOT look hot like her. We had a wonderful drive to the restaurant for the art opening. I introduced her to my other Boss, some colleagues, and few friends and the Realtor.
We left just under an hour later. I told her about her being Batman. She’s not a comet–she’s a satellite and a superhero. She said that we should climb under the full moon in 4-5 days. I said, “Your ball, your court. If I’m not teaching and you text, I’ll be there.” I told her that I would LOVE to see the dance between her and my Boss dancing and who would lead. We talked, flirted and connected. We hugged in the car and I kissed her shoulder. We kissed a bit and embraced. I asked her if I could get a full body hug outside my car and she said, “Yes, please.” After we hugged awhile she said, “You’re so great. Goodnight.”
I went to my friend’s house early last Saturday because she skipped yoga. We embraced for a long time and gave each other a kiss–Italians do that; it’s ok. And then we walked 6-miles catching up. We worked in her garden, made pesto, and drank a beer. We made a GIANT salad and some pasta.
I was shocked about the beer and pasta. She’s been gluten free since the very earliest 2000s. She said that she does fine with it when it’s in little doses. I believe that most of gut health is neurotransmitters and responses to stress hormones.
I can’t tell you how good it is to be reconnected to her again. She really knew my parents as do both of the ___’s that I’m still connected with, and that means something to me. They were so demented and in active decline when I got married that my ex-wife couldn’t really interact with them. They became just odd and sad to be around. My Dad said, “I didn’t sleep last night. I have to go the bathroom.” That’s all he said too. When asked questions, he would confuse pronouns. My friend was so upset and cried when I told her about the end of my parents’ lives. It’s definitely a unique situation.
I had fun on the new routes in the climbing class on Sunday. I’m looking forward to climbing gym time this winter. I need to learn how to plan routes. I’m going to play kickball on a gay league starting on the 22nd or 29th. I also want to add an abs day to my regime. I think that Thursday would be good.
My Boss in one of my assignments is behaving really poorly. She is requiring two nights and a Saturday. I’m not doing those dates and she can make me available to the market if she thinks that I’m supposed to. I am hired by a super large organization and placed in sites to see clients. I emailed my manager and she said, yes, I wouldn’t have nights or Saturday work because it’s outside my contract hours.
I’m beyond cool with my other Boss. I do the majority of my extra contracted obligations at that site, and I always work there 3-4 days a week. The other Boss is acting like she is cracking down on all of us. I don’t think that the nice guy should sleep at work, and I don’t think that the climber should miss weeks of work and also be late all the time. However, also as Susan Scott writes about and says, that doesn’t mean that non-specific feedback to everyone or group punishments will be healthy for the organization. It feels like she is sanctioning all of us. Honestly, now that it’s year 2 with my teammates in my main site, we run it like a well-oiled machine. I did all my documentation yesterday at that site, and wouldn’t need to do any paperwork in my other site. If I have to leave, I’ll leave. The nice guy and the climber have my phone number if they want to see me. I’ve had some of the same friends for 23-years not including my son’s godmother (30) and my best friend from middle school (36).
I finally have a hair appointment today. I feel like a shaggy beast. It will be so nice to have my partial highlights again, too. I am making two quiches tonight or tomorrow morning for brunch with my neighbors. We have to drink the sparkling Rosé that the Realtor gave me too. I really, really need to clean and trim bushes this weekend as well. I have to wash my car too because the climber had to use her inhaler a million times on our commute last week.
I’m going to celebrate my birthday with a couple of women from our bowling team and a speech pathologist who I worked closely with during the pandemic. We’re doing coastal Mexican food on a heated patio. The day before our summit trip, my best friend is taking me to modern Italian in a popular spot. The place has a full bar, so I probably will drink a glass of Zinfandel or Pinot Noir instead of a beer. I usually drink beer. My Boss who is decidedly being normal, and mini-Boss will be there too, which will be nice. I also have the Women’s Discussion Group on Thursday so although I don’t teach twice in person like I did this week, I’m very busy. Sunday will be fun, but I can’t describe to you how tired I will be. Elevation wears you out. That means that really Friday is my down day. I only want to contact a company who will move this piano to my friend’s house. The one who I sing with occasionally. These things help me not think solely about my brother being gone 35-years. I’m lucky.
Yesterday, the GPS took me to the hospital area instead of the train station hub. I had copy and pasted the title company address from an email into a calendar notice. I was in front of a brewery looking for a building large enough to accommodate suites and called the Realtor. She asked if I could see the train station, and I was incredulous. I got back in the car, used the address that she gave me for the parking garage, after going up many levels decided just to park in a “Compact” space and went in. It was so quick. Likely, I worked with the Closer for 15-minutes total. I got to work at my other site and did determine that my Boss there is being really weird. I think it’s because I’m fairly close now with my colleague who almost died and she got sanctioned by HR for talking about her after she, in the words of Susan Scott, “made her available to the market.”
I was emotional for most of the day when I wasn’t working directly with my clients. I told the nice guy that I was so close bursting into tears. I told him that on Wednesday when I locked my keys in the house, I stood in my brother’s closet (for the last time) and said goodbye to him, and that there really isn’t a single person who would understand having no original, immediate family by the time that she was 47.
The Climber did get stuck. She had to shelter in place for two extra days, and assured me that after 11-years, she and her other builders had extra food and water. She did say that she saw two cars spin in the mud while their cars just sank down up to the engine mounts. Some people really do think that they’re special. As usual, it was nice to see her, and as is typical she nodded off a few times in our dark, terrible meeting. It was in a different room and all the lights were off and because it faces south, the shades were down. I think that she probably falls asleep off and on all day because of the lack of sleeping at night. She looked great: bronze, and in new, quite tight, pants. She is so short and it’s funny that I’d even look at her. Probably some of it is that I do know how her back and arms feel. I will write it again: her ball, her court.
The Realtor gave me a gift bag. I asked, “Is there booze in here?!?” She indicated that there was, and I said, “Should I park somewhere and drain this bottle of wine?” She told me that she couldn’t advise me either way about that. I said, “Always the professional.” I’ll write a really good recommendation for her on LinkedIn before I leave after opening the bag. Yesterday was emotionally draining, so I have tons of stuff on my dining area table. I had to call her one more time yesterday because when my buddy went to the house to get the loveseat and table and chairs, the husband in the buyer’s couple said that they wanted the loveseat. They apparently left my buddy waiting for a callback from the wife to her husband and my buddy just left, and took those to a school where I donated them. They kept four chairs. The Realtor sounded appalled when I called her. I don’t care. Those solid oak chairs were in that house for decades. It’s sweet that they’re still there. Just odd behavior from those buyers. I hope that they’re cool.
After work, I went over to the credit union to check the estate account to determine if proceeds had wired there. It was there so I paid myself back to my savings account $7040.60. Now, I’m letting everything sit in it. I need some advice from my FA, and need to upload things for the Accountant. I need to call my Attorney next week and close probate.
Here are my plans: porch extension, new cooler, sprinklers for a little patch in my backyard, refinish the hardwoods and fix the bowed ones in my bedroom, paint my whole house, cap the gas off, get an electric furnace, and an electric water heater, add two solar panels and also a skylight, fix the main bathroom fan and vent through the attic my stove fan. It’s probably close to 100k, and I’d rather get a specialized loan. I don’t actually want to touch my inheritance at all. Thus, why I want to talk to my FA, Accountant and Attorney, because I want to ensure that everything is solid.
Today, I’ll be less emotional. I am reconnecting with my friend who I’ve not spoken to at all since 2014 or 2015. She’s Italian too, and is from Brooklyn. We just have beautiful friend chemistry and I can’t wait. This summer my best friend asked if I have anyone in my life who I miss and have any longing to see and I said, “Just __. I actually can only speculate about what happened between us, and I still miss her. We both had completely crazy, Italian grandmothers.” Now, she’s back. And from a FB post! She wrote, “I miss you,” on a photo that I’d posted. I told my best friend that when I told her about ___ that shifted things. My best friend is pure magic. Tomorrow I climb on those three routes. Two are so hard. I’m going to get max sleep tonight so I can get up to the top of the easy route and really try as hard as I can on the two difficult ones. Monday, I drive in the Climber and the nice guy.
I had a solid week at work. I taught last Friday and then this Tuesday night and was in both of my buildings for daytime pursuits on the typical days–sometimes Mondays and Fridays switch in terms of the building that I’m in. (That will happen this week, and I’ll be very late and not be able to drive in with the climber, Batman, or the nice guy until 9/11.)
It’s been so good to be back with people. That’s so funny for me to even say because I’m an introvert. My best friend texted me and said, “Go line dancing with me tonight? I miss you.” I had to decline because I’d been out many nights in a row and was peopled out. I can give the excuse that my pets need me around, but really work involves a lot of talking and much of it is with people that I care an awful lot about, so I just need hours of me time afterwards.
Now that I don’t work Saturdays anymore I can slowly sip coffee and write. I love both of those things.
From my solo vacation in 2021. It’s really good drip coffee and a spinach pastelillos.
I’ll reflect on everything that has happened. I won’t pop over to Miami and get a pastelillos, sadly.
I paid my ex-wife. The title company called me and said, “It’s an estate sale, and everything goes into an estate account, and no cashier’s checks can come out.” I said, “I don’t want to pay taxes on $75,000.” She said, “I can check with our legal team, but I’m nearly positive that can’t happen.” I thought and thought and thought. Then I realized that my Financial Advisor (FA) was completely accurate last summer when he said that wasn’t the way it worked and that what people bring into a marriage is what they get back. She retained her condo, I retained my house. Recall that only for about a year did my ex-husband ever contribute to this mortgage and she gave $400 here and there. Rent here are about $1200 for a small apartment or room in a house.
So, I wrote this in our Google Sheet:
You cannot receive an invoice or a cashier’s check because the house is not mine, but is sold through the Estate of ______________________. It’s being sold as part of an estate and through a personal representative’s deed. Taxes on the estate will be paid less the contractors, agent fees, closing costs and other county fees. That will be completed in the spring per the accountant.
I will hire an attorney to review the financial disclosures from the decree to determine what more is owed to you. Then you will be paid that amount.
I thought and thought and thought some more.
I then realized that I know the cash value of my pension, SS, and IRA. So, I added those, divided them by two, realized that I have worked 33-years now, and was married for 8. That ratio is 8/33 or 24%, so I multiplied that by the halved cash assets and came up with 24k. I had forgotten that I had already paid her $750 eleven times at the time. I thought it was 17k, which is so much less than 75k and made me realize that my FA was right! Anyway, I have a consult on October 13th with an attorney who sponsors our local NPR station. I likely don’t owe her nearly as much as I’d charitably agreed to paying her.
I’ll have it squared away before this year ends. Marriages take seconds and divorces are super complicated. Both of my exes are really reasonable people too, so I feel for other folks who are actually dealing with dissention.
I had dinner with my son on Monday. That day really didn’t work for me, but he’d suggested Tuesday or Wednesday. I taught in person this Tuesday night and Wednesday I had a poker lesson. More on those in subsequent paragraphs. It meant that I skipped guitar, which isn’t a good thing. It was innocuous. It really reminded me of how it was to live with him. He has a smart phone now–his Dad pays for it and the bill–and he laid on the couch, got tired, only ate one plate of food, and I took him home. We’d run a bunch of errands together after work though and that was good because we walked side-by-side and so he talked to me a bunch about his personal life. He isn’t working, doing psychiatry, talks about getting a therapist, and is still with the same girl. I don’t want to interact with her going forward. I know that they’ll break up within a year or two.
I saw him again yesterday when I was biking home past his Dad’s apartment and he yelled, “Hi, Mom.” I dismounted, talked to him, and hugged him and said, “See you Monday.” He was supposed to help me take apart the bedframe at the house so I can move it back to my house and help me remove everything else used for staging. He called an hour after that and said that he’d forgotten that he had Labor Day plans on Monday. I asked if they were the whole weekend and he confirmed. Hopefully, my friend and I can get everything moved ok. It’s not too many things. I need to fold the realtor’s items and pile them nicely with her pillows on something clean that can be discarded, so I’ll have to think about that too. I’m glad that it’s not a thing with my son. We’ve frankly tried to talk so many things out with at least three family therapists, that I think we’re talked out. Sometimes, you just have to step away and redefine or end a relationship. With parenting, you’re always a parent, and I assume that when they move out, you have close times and more distant times. My tenure for direct parenting is just over, but he and I are fine: hugs, “I love you’s” and able to connect.
I have latent feelings for both the realtor and the climber. They’re people I dream about each month. I really hope to run into _____ again too. Her husband is a bit much, but he’s smart and fun to talk to, and they already have a girlfriend; so I just need to ask directly if she has an arrangement for dates outside of that triad. Otherwise, because I’m so picky, I don’t have any other women who I’m attracted to at all.
Our summit with the realtor and the ballet dancer is scheduled! It’s in three Sundays. I will bring my son too if he’s not with his girlfriend and ask him about it the Thursday before. I think it will be really fun. I’m going to take my poles for the descent and my janky left knee.
I have to take our medium hair to the groomer’s today. He’ll be a little bit scared. I need to wash my dogs too. My poor old girl is stinky and itchy.
I will have money going forward permanently now. I got an 8% raise which is already effective, don’t pay anything for my 17-year-old, and don’t make payments to my ex-wife. Whatever the lump sum she’s owed will be figured next month. Therefore, I can get a porch extension, a skylight, and schedule steam cleaning for the basement for October 16th. I’ll also take my dog to the vet for whatever is up with her 12-year-old skin.
I am having dinner and getting dressed up with a colleague on my birthday. I wanted to see my friends who I went to Korean BBQ with recently, but one of them has a concert. This one is 49, and I’ll be in such a different space in a year that I can make big plans for my half century.
I reviewed poker which was fun, but I don’t like the dynamics in that group really. I would only do something active outside like our snowshoeing beer festival with those women. I have a couple of friends from that group anyway. Lesbians irritate me a little bit because many of them are cliquey and they get really territorial and odd with affection around other groups of lesbians. I don’t want to watch you sit on each other’s laps and kiss when people talk to your girlfriend. That is fucking weird.
I think that the new cohort that I’ll teach for a year are pretty cool. I just upload some content for this week and will do that on Sunday. I’ll read the Google Form feedback on the 11th for my next in person. I only have to teach graduate school six more years.
My hands have been really hurting in the joints, and it makes climbing and guitar difficult. I’m going to get collagen and lutein when I pick up filtered water (refilled) and coffee. I’m grateful for learning and my health!
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