My weekend was so intense in general.

Friday, I had a date with Scorpio and it was a wonderful first date. There was something about the way in which she and I had instant comfort with one another that I enjoyed. I liked her openness and found her funny. I know myself well enough at this point that my heart is going to start moving.

Scorpio reminds me a lot of my ex-wife. The most pronounced difference is that she is stable. Her career is one that she has had long-term. Also, she is judicious and measured. There is no love bombing. Otherwise she’s a lot like my ex-wife: fairy hair, did a tarot reading yesterday, feels magical, dresses amazing, and has beauty that others just admire when she enters a room. Something that my son noticed in a picture that was sad and oddly validating is that she looks so strikingly to my former sister-in-law who was murdered by her husband in 2024. I don’t know when that will come up, and I don’t want to lead with it.

I made lots of mistakes with my ex-GF. I don’t think that it was entirely smart on my part to start dating seriously after my former sister-in-law was murdered. I met my ex-GF a few days before the murder in a women’s polyamorous discussion group. We started officially dating less than 3-months later. I wasn’t in a good space for dating. Additionally, I also don’t think that at that point, enough time had passed between my divorce finalizing.

I had an expensive date set up with a Match via my Matchmaker on Sunday night. We have good rapport and similarities. I want to be her friend. Meeting Scorpio 8-days ago was a good thing. I told her via text last night that I’m not able to establish two relationships concurrently. I have to go deep initially and can’t do that unless I know where my footing is. She responded, “You do you, of course!” In that thread last night she also sent me a picture of a unicorn with Mary Oliver quote. That also gave me pause. That’s my ex-wife’s favorite poet.

The second intense thing this weekend was that I led my first reading. I’m pretty sure that I had 30-40 people there. I met a transwoman who told me her whole experience coming out. Some of my friends cried. I sold a lot of books, which I will need to account for this week. I have to set up a business account! It was so emotional to read the book in its entirety anyway, and having so many of my friends there telling me what it meant to them and how they’d impact others with the story was deeply moving. I’ve not cried about that experience yet, and know that I will.

Finally, the door is completely closed with my ex-GF. I had to take 2-months completely off from any contact with her so I could process completely our relationship–particularly the last 6-months of it. When I was naked in her bed and she didn’t even notice me in March and I cried got dressed after we were talking, I didn’t want to be with her anymore. She had no physical room for me in her life. She talked me into staying together. I tried to break up with her again in July after the miserable birthday trip that we took and she wouldn’t let me either. By September, she agreed with me. I’m reasonably confident that she just had to be the decider on our ending. That’s fine. I tried in October and November to do what she wanted and that was hangout with her once a month. She said something awful about me to my son in December, so I cancelled our December get together by simply saying, “Just wanted you to know that I am going to wait until February to hang out.”

That was the best decision that I ever made. Having holiday time free from her was great. I had better holiday times than ours together the year before. I realized that monthly hangouts were the same as monthly sex; although, when we were together I begged for more frequency of sexual intimacy. I finally understood that she called all the shots in our relationship in which she paid for nothing. She’s not gainfully employed and doesn’t get any child support.

I did text her after I left a ball and drag show on Saturday night. February marks significant loss for her and I’d promised her in a card that I wrote her and gave to her the day that she broke up with me last year that I’d be willing to make February special and if she didn’t have any birthday plans do that for her on the 7th of July.

I don’t think that I’ll ever see her again.

She’s misconstrued my need for two months of space as being unconcerned with anyone’s wellbeing other than my own. She told me that my text to her which broke my silence was cold and half-assed. She said that I don’t deserve the privilege of her company after I had pushed her away. I responded that I’m sorry that’s her opinion of me and that before I go to work the next day, I’d put her daughter’s very expensive bike that I bought for her birthday by her door. I intend to and texted that I’ll also return the splash pad that she left in my shed. I’d set that up for her daughter 3-5 times last summer. It always made my water bill too high. That’s it. We have a fundamental misunderstanding.

I can’t completely process the intensity of my weekend yet. It’s going to take some time. I’ll write here when I have things with which I am wrestling. 2026 is starting out hopeful, rewarding, and also marks a fundamental incompatible relationship ending without the possibility of any manner of new relationship.