Tag Archives: Gay

by

Break-up Girl

I was her last summer.  Then I succumbed to the sexual energy of my ex and we spent August and September dating again, but then I realized that I had moved through what I needed to in my miserable summer, and had my rebound that I needed as well.  Now, I’m not seeking that either.  I’m just not Break-up Girl anymore.

We saw one of my favorite performers last night.  My workout partner bought tickets and I owe her money for them.  I should have bought the opener’s flashdrive, as she was excellent, but I’ll probably just see if Panda has her albums after I get my Mac repaired.  Shit, I need to drop that off today too.

Anyway, the headliner’s sets were obviously in the stylings of Break-up Girl, so it wasn’t as peppy as I had expected.  It’s funny that one of the things that I kept thinking over and over is that her ass is as nice as my ex’es.  I turned around after a few songs and told my workout partner that she really has an incredible ass and she said, “I noticed that as soon as she turned around to switch guitars and knew that you were probably VERY happy.”   Hahahaha!  The other thing was the namesake of this blog, and that is that she is still very much entrenched in her loss of a perspective marriage and her ex-bf.  So, her show had that “getting through being without you” feel and was pretty sombre and included sad songs and ballads as well.  I would have alternated songs, but I don’t perform, so.  It was still fun.  I LOVE live music.

I’m sooooo glad to be where I am.  I know that Thursday will be weird at times, but honestly, I can just be me, and I think that really I have been comfortable with that for most of my life.  The last thing that I had to do to embrace being ok was to come out, and I think that I may tell some of that story in my church when I give the sermon in July.  I’m not sure, but I will make it personal.

I have that Boot Camp again in about an hour and a half, and then my son plays basketball–it’s his second to last game.  I have to go to the university to pick up the gold standard test of ability (used for adults) and a projective kit that I like.  She has had some trauma, and doesn’t have a car, so today is also some case management as I have to transport her to a library because the main building is closed.  I will be fried after the eval, but I also have to see my young male client at his house and get new sessions scheduled for him now that he has started sports.

Then my new friend that I have through one of my best friends who is finishing school in CA, is having me at her parents’ house for dinner and I finally get to meet her girlfriend.  My friend said that she is very sweet, so I can’t wait to hear their lovestory.  Tonight we are playing quiz.  We are meeting the engineer there too.  I’m so not into her, but she is smart, so we will probably win again.  I’ll text a few more friends if my workout partner and her out-of-town company do not come to quiz.  It’s fun to win.

It’s only fun to meet good girls.  I want to go on a date.  I should join a new meetup.  I may do that, but don’t think that now is the right time, because I’d be frustrated that their times don’t work with my schedule.  It may just have to be that late spring is the time for new girls.  I don’t think that one will drop out of the sky.

by

And you haven’t changed a bit

Derivative of where I am on this leg of my journey, I had some insights before I went to bed.  My son was super cool and wished to practice his lay-ups last night, so I ran 2.25-miles.  I can start the 5K Loop Program in three-weeks, so that is good too.  Anyway, I realized that starting in 2009 when I was newly out (just two-years), I was really with Shane.  That name is probably even more accurate than the drunk.  Now, I think that although I agree that I am as my shrink suggests working toward what I want, dating Bette for arguably about a year–but, really, if someone religiously breaks up with you for four-months, it is not dating, but is being in 7th grade–wasn’t quite what I’m looking for either.  Certainly, Bette is more of a girl you can take home with you, but she isn’t one to ever be open and share–there is no vulnerability with Bette and all she knows is control.

I think that when she left the voice recording and there is this pregnant pause before she says, “on the business front,” that I knew in my heart that her dating is also what is progressing…  Then of course, she left another voice recording on Monday–probably because she had a weekend with her–saying that in all fairness she needed to talk to me before the psychic.  I called her and said that I felt the presence of another woman since December and congratulations.  She did what she always does, which listen to it (likely a couple times) and then call me back.  It was easy to talk to her.  I am reasonably sure who the girl is too, and she is not her physical type, so we shall see how long she dates her, but anyway, I didn’t ask questions about it, but congratulated her and updated her a little on  my 60-hour work weeks and the like.  She texted that night and said how proud she was of me.  She must think that I’m a little less intuitive than I am, because she’s proud that I’m not dating anyone.  I told her that I’d email her.

I did.  I thanked her for getting me motivated to get in the best shape of my life, for showing me the gifts of a dog with your son, for teaching me about getting things ready for your kid when you don’t see him and are working, and for being there when I fell completely in love and learned to be vulnerable.  I do very much value these lessons.  Then, she promptly added me to her social media site.

Umm?  Three removals and look at your son who I miss desperately?  No thanks.  I doubt that I’ll ever add her either because she took me off three times, and I told her as much.  She continued to argue.  She is a piece of work.  She also emailed me five or six times yesterday.  I’d be smoking pissed if a woman who I was newly dating did that with her ex; although, I know her well enough that she would say that we “are trying to get a friendship on track.”  However that is an interesting way to put her fervent emailing and question firing, because she also did make reference to an artist that we would listen to sometimes when we had hours of hot sex.  You could almost miss the double entendre, but I didn’t, nor did I bite, and she is still a baiter.  Another reason that she is a lot like Bette…

I finally said that I did too much talking today and I will just catch up with her next week at the event for which we have tickets.  I really don’t miss Bette, I miss our sex life, but that’s it.  We don’t live on the same planets or subscribe to the same tenants about relationships with others.

by

Gratitude

I really had an incredible day today, and the only thing that would have made it better would have been to have some intimacy.  That’s it, and otherwise it was really perfect.  I got to sleep in and wound up nearly sleeping until 7, and then I got my dog to a day camp, went to my psychologist, dropped my son off at my folks’ and then I had a massage.  I didn’t even mind grocery shopping and used some of the time to talk to two different friends on different coasts.  Yay!  I made a smoked turkey, some incredible brussel sprouts whose recipe I got from friends at church, mashed potatoes and homemade gravy, and grilled carrots.  It was very good.  My Mom had made a pumpkin cheesecake that was wonderful as well.

I taught a colleague a one day weight sequence of three sets, and will show her another day of them on Friday.  I connected with my son.  I had an excellent session with my new clients.  I just think that I have tons to be grateful for and wanted to send out this wonderful energy.  To whoever reads this entry, “A very Happy Thanksgiving to You.”