I got a really bad cold, so unfortunately yesterday was a wash.  It’s ok though, because it’s not like I had to think about how I would apologize to the woman who has too many acutely mentally ill teenagers who I help her serve and also do some case management with during the week.  Yesterday when I was sick I did not have to apologize for missing, because yesterday was a vacation day for us and the adolescents.  I wound up doing very little though, and only laid the groundwork for what I’m planning on doing with my psychologist.  She helped me see yesterday that I go into a flight or fight mode with my ex and now because I don’t like the way that we fight, I just choose to bail.  And she’s right, because that is what I’ve done.

The only conflict is when she’s nice to me, but it’s pretty rare.  She was back to one word exclamation point responses yesterday when I told her that I was sick.  I haven’t even cooked.  I’m lucky though because she let me off the hook and said that she had plenty of food and I should just enjoy my packed weekend.  She has to get that jab in for “packed,” and I guess one evening commitment and church is super extreme.   She can believe whatever she wants to about me, but I’m just glad to not have to expend all that gas and energy to get up there.

I took all the stuff that I normally take at night last night and took one more fish oil and two zinc tablets.  I feel quite a bit better today.  She texted and I really hate texting–especially with her–so I called her.  We talked for a bit until her toddler got up and then she called me back and was acting remote.  She HeyTelled later that she was NOT remote, but thinking about her day.  OK, then you were not engaged in conversation then.  God.  Please just go do your thing and some girls who worship you and stay off my ass, ok?  It has been nice to have a break, and one until the end of February is just fine with me.