When I first started out working with children and families, I saw this sign and it said, “It’s ok to be mad, it is not ok to be mean.”  And that is really true.  I will be the first to admit that I often lose it when I ask my son an inordinate amount of times to cease snotty tones, backtalk, or task refusal, but when I am dealing with a lot of things, I don’t ignore it, I talk about it.  I certainly don’t say passive-aggressive or degrading things to the woman who I’m sleeping with.

The drunk used to lose her temper and always apologized.  Now, when she was loaded, she never remembered stuff that she did, but when I was getting ready to fly back and she was edgy and sad, she would get pissy and short.  The thing is that she always apologized and nine times out of ten, and she usually said that the reason was because we were so far apart and she knew that I was leaving.

My ex gets remote when I leave her house, but the thing is when stuff goes badly for her, she will not talk about it at all.  I try and try to get her to talk, but to no avail.  Last weekend, I just held her tight because I knew that she wouldn’t talk.  So, what things did she talk about when her defenses were down?  All her ex’s good qualities, and then she told me that I was acting like a dog, that I looked a certain way that she does not find attractive, and that I was unproductive.  It’s so transparent too.  I had a car accident and I am divorced completely and my properties are divided, so with that pain, I will attack the person in my bed.  WTF?  She says that I bail when things get tough.  The more accurate response is that when things get tough, she won’t talk about it, but she will criticize and be passive aggressive.

It’s ok to be sad, mad, or scared, but it is not ok when you are not wired in a way that you are able to talk about it to criticize another and say hurtful things.  I am so done.  I have actually never been this done with another human being.  We can be friends and joke around on occasion, but the girl that I’m looking for talks to me when things are scary, new, or sad.