My son got up at 4:50 today, and I can’t recall a single school day when this type of wake-up call has been met for him.  He brought home a small cold too so it’s going to be a lovely night for me to see clients.  I was furious.  If he’s going to get up that early, he needs to remember not to make it my problem.  It’s dark and cold and I had to unlock the deadbolt and tether the dog just before 5:30 in the morning so she could potty.  I think that he finally gets it.  He was crying when I was furious, but then he said that he wasn’t crying.  When I calm down and have some coffee, I will talk with him, because I’d like him to follow rules and also know that it is ok to cry.  We have to take things from his room to the basement today and then next Wednesday when I go to multiple locations, I can let the mother who I know look through his books and toys to see what she’d like and I’ll take the rest to the ARC on the weekend.  I’m already thinking about next weekend because today is going to be so hard with very little sleep, so I’m planning on things that will make me feel better.  I do love getting organized.

My ex sent one of those voice recording things via text two-days ago.  It was super nicey-nicey and made me want to vomit.  So, instead, I ignored it, because that is a derivative of her moods and I know about those way too well.  Not just because she and I spent 10-months together, but also because that is how my Dad was when I was growing up.  He would explode on us and act really scary and then feel some sort of guilt and present super pleasant.

Call me crazy, but I’d prefer some neutrality.  You don’t have to show up like a binary switch–meaning that you are either saying horrible shit to someone and or yelling, or be sweet as pie.  Balance is the only way to roll.

She baits; although, she says that she doesn’t.  The only reason that she had sent a voice recording was so that she could omit the fact that an empty shoebox was sent her way and had $5.30 worth of stamps inside of it.  I just want my best pair of Birkenstock loafers back.  No need for a note or anything.  She apparently must have bought my son a Christmas present because she said that she had a little package to send and Happy New Year.  Puke.

One of my friends chatted a bit with me last night.  She said that working and doing stuff for school all of the time sounds really lonely.  I explained to her that I’m hanging out with my lesbian friends and although they don’t have anyone that they can introduce me to, it’s good for me to be around happy couples and if they ever did meet someone who they could introduce me to, they would know that I’m there.  I also plan on going to Vegas with a buddy of mine (I used to be friends with his ex-wife.) in late March.  When summer comes around, I’m going to do an outdoor group for women and maybe a book club too.  I just want to meet a bunch of girls.  I wouldn’t mind dating a few concurrently too, but won’t do that open relationship thing because I don’t like the way those feel.  I’m basing it on direct experience that I had for nearly a whole school year.

I am a nice girl.  I want to meet one.  I would prefer to wake up daily with someone.  I’ll be going on six-years of living alone because we are now in 2013.  Not impulsive or a person who does not make observations, I do tend toward making sure.  When I remarry, it will be for life.

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