Monthly Archives: December 2025

by

Timing

I went to a ball in Seattle on Saturday night and had a ton of fun. I loved one of the organizers of this group and have connected them with my friend who helps organize a weekend for polyamorous people twice a year. It was cool and organic when I signed my email to them. I wrote “In infinite love.”

I met a super young nurse who obviously liked me and we’re now on IG together.

I believe that wholeheartedly–love is infinite.

It’s been interesting for me to navigate concurrent brand new connections. With a woman not too far from me and a woman from Boston, I realized that I can’t establish two new partners at once. I’m not hierarchical by any means; however, I do have this feeling that comes from having an anchor partner. I like the good morning and goodnight bookends via text and I also like being able to say, “Hey, I’m landing at 6:30 tonight. I’ll text you when I’m on the ground.” I want to establish one of those foundations and then can add whatever makes sense.

I really just want a travel partner.

Boston has finally said that we can schedule a trip. Her ball, her court. She’s a love bomber and when I told her that I don’t know anything about her, she talked mostly about work. Boring.

PA had a tragic loss so we are not really in contact atm. I highly doubt that we’ll Zoom anytime soon.

KY finally got a working cell phone, so she has texted with me a bit. We have a phone date today. She really thinks that she likes me, and I tend to think that is dumb. I know that I have a great smile and am fit; however, looks are only skin deep. We’ll test chemistry on a phone call.

I have a point.

I had been home for about 10-hours when the old app that just sits started blowing up. Messages were from a tall, green eyed Sicilian-Swedish American woman who was DMing me if I’d been visiting Seattle. While I was in bed the two nights that I had, I’d swiped on the app. There are really pretty women in Seattle btw.

Anyway, this woman said that she wished we’d met while I was still there and that one of her sons attends college here where I live. She said that maybe we could meet in spring. I moved her to my VPN (Burner number) and we started communicating in Italian and Spanish and both started laughing because it only worked for awhile.

There was something about our chemistry. Even with Tesoro, I’d not felt that way. She was like how Boston is. Just full of love bombing, which again, I think is mostly dumb.

I moved her off my VPN, gave her my name, and she said that she requested to follow me on LinkedIn. I was so inspired by our texting that I didn’t even pop off my phone to honor that request. I did it last night after work.

Eventually, I was flushed all over my chest and realized that this connection was different than any of the 15 or so that I’ve had since May. I’m sapiosexual. And it takes a lot to move my soul.

And she’s Ethically Non-monogamous so there was nothing to explain to her about being Solo Poly.

I can’t wait to meet her next spring.

by

Fantasy

It’s difficult when you’ve moved from DM to text for women to keep things reigned in. I don’t mind a little bit of sexy talk, but I am not able at all to reciprocate love. It’s interesting because the woman in Boston has already said, “I love you,” and that she loves me.

I can’t write that.

It’s not true.

Tesoro took months to write that. I am reasonably confident that some of it is that she wanted a funding stream and that’s part of love for her. It’s not for me. I paid for everything with my ex-GF and won’t do that again.

Vacationing is different. I’m fine paying for meals and a room. I simply don’t want to support someone financially ever again. That is blending finances adjacent. No thanks.

It’s the same for fantasy and escape from life.

I never told Tesoro that I loved her. I was absolutely attached to her, and it still doesn’t feel great that she didn’t fly home on the timeline that she’d promised and her trip got diffuse. I have lots of question marks there.

l can’t tell Boston that I love her either. She has a busy December and if we don’t make plans for mid-January when I have a day off from work, I’ll just have to let communication dwindle. She won’t like that because she loves me.

I don’t want to be some kind of online escape for anyone. I won’t do that IRL either.

I had to tell my ex-GF that what she wants–monthly hanging out–doesn’t work for me. I texted her “Just wanted you to know that I’m going to wait until February to hangout.”

In September, I’d written in the anniversary card about my intentions; although, I knew that she was breaking up with me. I wrote that with her ring that I had given her, I promise that February would have some fun elements and her birthday when she had no plans could be something that she could count on me for fun and celebration.

Her idea was monthly hangouts. I tried twice. I’ve had lots of time to think. October was fine for about half-an-hour. I didn’t like seeing her in November. It was nice to see her daughter. My ex-GF was being weird. She’s a 3 on Enneagram. I don’t think that I ever knew her well.

There is a woman from PA who has been texting me off and on. We’re going to Zoom next week. I’ll have to tell Boston. I’m out of town all weekend starting tomorrow afternoon because there is a ball that I’m attending. My app that just sits will probably get very active too, so I’m willing to make some IRL connections at the ball and through the app. I’m excited. I’ve not been anywhere in over 7-weeks.

Online dating mostly sucks. When you can move to in person, you get lots of information. Of the in person dates that I have been on there isn’t anyone who I could imagine getting naked with; although, I’ve been online dating since May. Again, I don’t want to mistake flirtation and fun for genuine connection.