I’m not sure when these became all the rage… Maybe in the 2010s decade?
My ex-wife and I agreed that gifts are mostly dumb.
I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately as I’m rounding the corner on 11-months with my girlfriend too. Also, they’re on the middle portion of most women’s dating profiles.
Hands down, I am a Physical Touch person. I think that it’s how I receive all input.
As a brief aside that’s what has been so troubling about my blowing out all the cartilage behind my left knee cap. I can’t move like I want to and it’s very depressing. It’s odd too because I don’t talk to my members of my bowling or kickball teams anymore. Just slightly related to that is that both of those sports involve alcohol, so that is probably what they’re doing socially when they’re not playing.
I love having my hand held. I love an arm around me. I love all things related to sexual intimacy.
Secondary to that is that I need and crave Quality Time. And mine is a tall order. The time spent shouldn’t be casual and should rather be involving interaction, cooperation or some manner of incredible conversation wherein I am learning.
I know that I’m best at Acts of Service. I just think that’s being a Virgo. I can see the holes, quickly analyze them, and then fulfill the need. And, I don’t want those to be reciprocated. When I’m helping someone, I just know that it’s the right thing.
I do not like gifts.
I also don’t like Words of Affirmation. In fact, when someone is way into that as a love language expression, I recoil. They feel like disingenuous bullshit. Or, especially in the case of when my son does them, I know that he wants something from me. It’s usually money.
I am NOT a one-off person. When I love, I love HARD. I don’t want to put that on my dating profile though because I agree with my friend who’s an author that you should walk into love.
Hahaha. Can you tell that in 6-weeks I have a birthday?
What’s your love language for receiving? Is yours different than what you have for giving? Do you think that these are important to discuss with romantic partners?
I took this picture on my 50th birthday in The Met
I will forever be grateful for the woman who runs our Women’s Discussion Group. I know that she pushed my girlfriend to text me back in August of last year. I don’t think that I ever would’ve lingered and talked to her because 1) I thought that she was straight, and 2) I don’t often approach women.
I’m not sure if I trust my instincts with women who I’m drawn to. I have been with avoidant folks.
I went to the Women’s Discussion Group Leader’s birthday party on Wednesday at hibachi.
Then I got bored.
Next, I got mad.
Her girlfriend was 45-minutes late, held up dinner for 14 people, and the pacing for food got strange.
I just wanted to leave.
It meant that afterward, I could only connect with my girlfriend in her bed for just under half an hour. She has a gazillion things that she has to do before she starts her parenting and workday the next day.
I get really irritated with folks who are inconsiderate.
I went to my friend’s house early last Saturday because she skipped yoga. We embraced for a long time and gave each other a kiss–Italians do that; it’s ok. And then we walked 6-miles catching up. We worked in her garden, made pesto, and drank a beer. We made a GIANT salad and some pasta.
I was shocked about the beer and pasta. She’s been gluten free since the very earliest 2000s. She said that she does fine with it when it’s in little doses. I believe that most of gut health is neurotransmitters and responses to stress hormones.
I can’t tell you how good it is to be reconnected to her again. She really knew my parents as do both of the ___’s that I’m still connected with, and that means something to me. They were so demented and in active decline when I got married that my ex-wife couldn’t really interact with them. They became just odd and sad to be around. My Dad said, “I didn’t sleep last night. I have to go the bathroom.” That’s all he said too. When asked questions, he would confuse pronouns. My friend was so upset and cried when I told her about the end of my parents’ lives. It’s definitely a unique situation.
I had fun on the new routes in the climbing class on Sunday. I’m looking forward to climbing gym time this winter. I need to learn how to plan routes. I’m going to play kickball on a gay league starting on the 22nd or 29th. I also want to add an abs day to my regime. I think that Thursday would be good.
My Boss in one of my assignments is behaving really poorly. She is requiring two nights and a Saturday. I’m not doing those dates and she can make me available to the market if she thinks that I’m supposed to. I am hired by a super large organization and placed in sites to see clients. I emailed my manager and she said, yes, I wouldn’t have nights or Saturday work because it’s outside my contract hours.
I’m beyond cool with my other Boss. I do the majority of my extra contracted obligations at that site, and I always work there 3-4 days a week. The other Boss is acting like she is cracking down on all of us. I don’t think that the nice guy should sleep at work, and I don’t think that the climber should miss weeks of work and also be late all the time. However, also as Susan Scott writes about and says, that doesn’t mean that non-specific feedback to everyone or group punishments will be healthy for the organization. It feels like she is sanctioning all of us. Honestly, now that it’s year 2 with my teammates in my main site, we run it like a well-oiled machine. I did all my documentation yesterday at that site, and wouldn’t need to do any paperwork in my other site. If I have to leave, I’ll leave. The nice guy and the climber have my phone number if they want to see me. I’ve had some of the same friends for 23-years not including my son’s godmother (30) and my best friend from middle school (36).
I finally have a hair appointment today. I feel like a shaggy beast. It will be so nice to have my partial highlights again, too. I am making two quiches tonight or tomorrow morning for brunch with my neighbors. We have to drink the sparkling Rosé that the Realtor gave me too. I really, really need to clean and trim bushes this weekend as well. I have to wash my car too because the climber had to use her inhaler a million times on our commute last week.
I’m going to celebrate my birthday with a couple of women from our bowling team and a speech pathologist who I worked closely with during the pandemic. We’re doing coastal Mexican food on a heated patio. The day before our summit trip, my best friend is taking me to modern Italian in a popular spot. The place has a full bar, so I probably will drink a glass of Zinfandel or Pinot Noir instead of a beer. I usually drink beer. My Boss who is decidedly being normal, and mini-Boss will be there too, which will be nice. I also have the Women’s Discussion Group on Thursday so although I don’t teach twice in person like I did this week, I’m very busy. Sunday will be fun, but I can’t describe to you how tired I will be. Elevation wears you out. That means that really Friday is my down day. I only want to contact a company who will move this piano to my friend’s house. The one who I sing with occasionally. These things help me not think solely about my brother being gone 35-years. I’m lucky.
I did wind up hanging out with the doctoral group at the bar last night. I was the only one from our group who sang though. Energy was ok and I guess I’ll be a designated driver for the cardiologist’s friend next Saturday to go dancing. She is fun. She didn’t sing though, but was supportive to me. The nice guy came and stayed almost two hours and sang. He’s amazing. There is a nice blond woman who will be a friend to me too that came last night. The Social Butterfly came and was supportive. I sang two songs and did well with both.
I’m not going to write about karaoke this morning.
I had a dream about a pickleball tournament. You had to race sports cars to get to the tournament. I was in a blue one with my son and it was really difficult to drive. I was finally able to get it to the venue that also had a lodge. My son and I had some trouble deciding where to set up in the big room that we shared with other tournament contenders, but decided that there were so many windows that all spaces for the bed would be good. When we got out of the room, an orange compact Prius pulled up and my ex-wife was in the back of it and got out. Then her twin sisters got out and, finally, her mother. I knew that we’d have to hug and talk and was surprised, but ultimately neutral.
My ex-husband told me that dreams are downloads. I guess that is true, but there is meaning in them too. My ex-wife’s former neighbor at the condo that she bought dropped off some art that she had in her condo. My ex-wife was always redecorating, rearranging and reappropriating things from rooms. I didn’t get the door because I was in the basement and my colleague’s daughter was upstairs. I figured that my ex-wife was in town emptying her condo. I told my son that was likely the case and asked if he would like to see and call her. He called her right away when we were driving to the Post Office needing to weigh his returns to make sure that he didn’t need extra postage. She answered right away and said she wasn’t in town, but sold her condo and was getting out family heirlooms. He said that he would call her later and I think that they talked last night. I’m glad he’s in touch with her. She did a lot of parenting of him.
I had a good run of activities and socializing with my days off of work. I feel pretty solid about where I am going with my life and what I am doing with it. I have a busy morning. I think that I’ll wake up my son now and ask him to please clean the kitchen that he left a mess and walk the dogs with me. Then I’m going to make Trader Joe’s hashbrowns in the oven and some homemade chicken quesadillas. I’ll do my weight machines at the gym and he can get cleaned up. Then I’m going to my Boss’ birthday party and will do what I never do and that’s talk to all kinds of new people. I want to get some pre-arranged dates in the queue.
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