Tag Archives: IRL

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Fantasy

It’s difficult when you’ve moved from DM to text for women to keep things reigned in. I don’t mind a little bit of sexy talk, but I am not able at all to reciprocate love. It’s interesting because the woman in Boston has already said, “I love you,” and that she loves me.

I can’t write that.

It’s not true.

Tesoro took months to write that. I am reasonably confident that some of it is that she wanted a funding stream and that’s part of love for her. It’s not for me. I paid for everything with my ex-GF and won’t do that again.

Vacationing is different. I’m fine paying for meals and a room. I simply don’t want to support someone financially ever again. That is blending finances adjacent. No thanks.

It’s the same for fantasy and escape from life.

I never told Tesoro that I loved her. I was absolutely attached to her, and it still doesn’t feel great that she didn’t fly home on the timeline that she’d promised and her trip got diffuse. I have lots of question marks there.

l can’t tell Boston that I love her either. She has a busy December and if we don’t make plans for mid-January when I have a day off from work, I’ll just have to let communication dwindle. She won’t like that because she loves me.

I don’t want to be some kind of online escape for anyone. I won’t do that IRL either.

I had to tell my ex-GF that what she wants–monthly hanging out–doesn’t work for me. I texted her “Just wanted you to know that I’m going to wait until February to hangout.”

In September, I’d written in the anniversary card about my intentions; although, I knew that she was breaking up with me. I wrote that with her ring that I had given her, I promise that February would have some fun elements and her birthday when she had no plans could be something that she could count on me for fun and celebration.

Her idea was monthly hangouts. I tried twice. I’ve had lots of time to think. October was fine for about half-an-hour. I didn’t like seeing her in November. It was nice to see her daughter. My ex-GF was being weird. She’s a 3 on Enneagram. I don’t think that I ever knew her well.

There is a woman from PA who has been texting me off and on. We’re going to Zoom next week. I’ll have to tell Boston. I’m out of town all weekend starting tomorrow afternoon because there is a ball that I’m attending. My app that just sits will probably get very active too, so I’m willing to make some IRL connections at the ball and through the app. I’m excited. I’ve not been anywhere in over 7-weeks.

Online dating mostly sucks. When you can move to in person, you get lots of information. Of the in person dates that I have been on there isn’t anyone who I could imagine getting naked with; although, I’ve been online dating since May. Again, I don’t want to mistake flirtation and fun for genuine connection.

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Friendship

I have so many friends. I’m not sure how many…

I have four best friends.

One was mine from middle school. He and his girlfriend bought a house way north of the city, so I don’t see him often. He and I keep in touch on Instagram. I should carve out time this summer to take him and his girlfriend to dinner.

I have a best friend from my first round of graduate school. She is now practicing in Germany where she bought a house. She lived in Japan for a couple of years too. We’ve done a few Google Meets on weekends to get our time zones to cooperate. Otherwise, she and I email one another.

My local best friend is like my sister. If I didn’t have her, I’d have lost my house in 2009. I have contract work from her and have spent countless holidays with her. We also hiked with our kids all the time when they were young.

I have a best friend from work. I met her through contracting, and then LA and another colleague and I went to visit her in her state. She has been through a lot with me. Lately, she’s been my biggest supporter since my GF broke up with me and I’ve been dating.

Dating.

DM.

Sometimes realize someone is completely vacuous, and then stop DMs.

Move to a call.

Ask to take a walk.

Sometimes the latter is weeks away and you have to go back in the app, hope it’s not archived and look at the pictures of the woman.

It’s fairly strange.

On the 3rd, I matched with a girl who was using the app to make friends. I thought that was interesting, and she was super pretty and outdoorsy so I swiped right and then I got the dopamine hit “It’s a match!” complete with rainbows, confetti and a framed profile picture.

Anyway, she’s European and has lived in the US for years now. Her parents live here and she lives on the West Coast. We had a lively conversation and moved to Signal.

We talked on the phone briefly yesterday and will have a video call soon.

She wanted to go on a winter vacation with me for a month to get to know each other IRL.

I told her that I get one day off in January.

She asked if we could do a vacation in February.

I told her that I also get one day off that month.

She works in an industry in which you have assistants and you plan your vacations in advance. She won’t work in the company she owns in January or February, but she will have virtual things that she does for her other work which is much more passive and doesn’t require anything but electronic management and emails.

My months that are like that are June and July. I pop on Zoom for a total of 4-hours and answer one set of emails across the three positions that I have.

It’s an academic year; however, it also means that if I’m in the Northern Hemisphere, I can vacation when it’s really too hot.

I can’t take weeks away in January or February.

I am measured, calculated and cautious.

A month long vacation sounds intimidating.

It’s like a job interview that doesn’t end.

It’s like an arranged marriage based in no previous in person contact.

After our phone call, and her asking for a way in which we could vacation together via DM throughout the late afternoon and evening, she came to the understanding that her idea with me couldn’t come to fruition this academic year. She wants us to video soon and continue being pen pals.

Something that I really like about her that I didn’t get from Tesoro is that she talks about her past and the mundane of her day-to-day. She sent me a picture of her grocery cart the day before yesterday! I loved those things. She’s sweet, highly competent, kind and definitely incredibly attractive.

The long game.

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Delays

I have to put Tesoro in a new zone mentally. I am unsure if she has any intention of ever leaving Turkey.

I talked with her on the phone on the 15th and after we’d talked a bit I sighed and was whiny finally saying, “When are you coming home?”

She said, “In a few days.”

We DM’ed more towards the end of this week and I wrote, “When are you flying back?”

She wrote, “Soon, Baby.”

This week we didn’t video and I missed her voice call yesterday. She told me that production is done on equipment and she can’t get money transferred to Turkey.

I told her that if I was in her shoes I would get one of those 18-months interest free credit cards.

I’m a public servant mostly; although, I do some assessments which do pay into the social security system, and I really don’t know shit about energy, powerplants, oil / gas, private contracts, etc.

I know that I don’t have interest in:

  1. Blending finances
  2. Living rather than travelling with a romantic partner
  3. Giving my heart to someone who I’ve never touched

Soooooo… I’m not investing time in DMs to her unless she comes home and schedules IRL with me. I wrote to her that when / if she comes home, I want to have a date with her and begin seeing what we have.

I’m basically at my core a Physical Touch and Quality Time person.

I know, because it happened to me with my ex-wife, that it is possible to fall in love with a picture of someone.

I’m not in love with anyone atm.

For me, love that is full involves mind, body, and soul.

The touch and skin-to-skin contact is so important to me. I believe that we are hardwired for love and attachment.

Although, I’m a creature of words, I am still quite in love with sharing physical space.