Work was horrendous yesterday. I completed all the Jenga that I needed to do and found support, and not making light of my situation, with Scorpio. I can’t wait to see her on Saturday and I want to move slowly and intentionally so that she and I can go away together next weekend.
In the dream, my former brother-in-law was on a pass from the prison and was hanging out with my previous in-laws. My son wasn’t around. That was a promise that I made in 2021. I never budged on it.
I took a B+ and a Hillbilly Pumpkin last night so that I could sleep a little bit after the awful and busy workday. I’m also very much processing Scorpio and our Saturday together.
I needed to stay calm.
I dreamt that my former brother-in-law was laying with his head on my former mother-in-law’s lap. I could see his neck and I wanted to kill him.
Later in the dream I told my sister-in-law (She is the identical twin of the murdered sister-in-law.) what I had felt. She and I started making some plans for our next moves.
That dream was alarming. I need to call my now very good friend that I met on the other dating app and talk to her about it. I’ll likely read her this entry.
I’m so glad that I have four days off of work next weekend.
I’ve been dosing psilocybin for 7-months. You can have the drug and use it in 7 states. It’s been being studied actively by the Food and Drug Administration since 2023.
I think that ever since the documentary about mushrooms became wildly popular, folks have been given pause regarding using it to change their brains. I’ve been taking non-psychoactive mushrooms since 2012. I was recommended a TED talk by an employee at a grocery store and wanted to strengthen my immune system overall.
I’ve not had an ounce of alcohol since 12/30/24. When I started micro dosing, I didn’t want anything to be interfering with my serotonin production. Thus, I quit drinking at the end of 2024. A couple of nights ago I was thinking about a glass of Red Zinfandel and my stomach felt like it was on fire. I don’t miss alcohol. I was definitely what you’d consider a consistent beer drinker prior to this year, and La Croix is a great substitute for it.
I suppose that I will occasionally drink again. I don’t want to right now. Maybe after February 1st 2026. I think that I’ll be an occasion-only person.
I smoked some pot for a few years. I had a horrific experience in a bathtub wherein I didn’t think that would my brain would ever rebound, so I’ve never touched it again. I know that despite the genetic modifications, it makes me beyond paranoid. I have no desire for it.
The same thing is true with cigarettes. My Mom had me take a drag off hers when I asked when I was 4 and I threw up on the floor, so I have never been a smoker.
I didn’t want to anxiously ruminate on things that happened at work or when the natural progression of friendships end. I started psilocybin.
I can tell you that I’m way less in my head than I’ve ever been. I can tell you that I don’t experience very much anxiety at all. I also have been able to grow with others having tough conversations wherein I need to be flexible and change.
I don’t know what generic psilocybin the FDA will approve. I don’t know what big pharma will package. I can tell you that each strain interacts with people differently, and I am reasonably confident the generic drug will be dilute, but will have some psychiatric benefit for most people. There are many different strains and geneticists study all species.
I think that I’ll have permanent lasting changes in my brain by the middle of next winter. I don’t see myself as needing to micro dose long term. I’ve been grateful for the impact that psilocybin has had in my life.
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