So, I have a date tonight. It will be great to actually see her because it’s been five-days. My psychologist said that we are just in the basket of relationship, which can get scrunched, and we have to just show up each day. Yesterday was not a very good day. I was exhausted having worked 7 – 4:30 and then had to rush to get food and take my son to sports. When we got home, we were just a few minutes from his bedtime, but he was hungry again. I read to him and got him squared away and then was chilling, and listening to music. She said a couple of things that were nasty. I was just tired. “Baby, you sound exhausted,” would have been easier for me to receive than a completely unfounded accusation and telling me had it been true that she’s dump me.
That is not a goodnight.
However, being naturally pragmatic, I am keeping my date tonight and seeing if we can also see each other on Sunday as well. I need to tell her that was a poor message to have last before I did drift off to sleep. However, I slept great, and did get up in time to workout and even lift a little bit this morning. My goal that I want to start this week is developing my upper body. I have definition, but overall I’m weak and when you consider how strong my legs are, that should be more even. More… Balanced.
I do not feel balanced in terms of my relationship right now. Again, I had said that I would develop a mantra a couple of weeks ago, which now I see more as a broken record. I would like her to be my future, but I don’t know where or when. I know that she only wants one thing, but I’m hoping that we can just enjoy. Honestly, if it gets really caustic like it has been, that is not enjoying.