Day 1

Won’t it be funny and a good therapeutic exercise to post days after being newly single?  I think so.  So, after the shitty convo I left three messages (not psycho dialing), but with HeyTell, and that’s all that I wrote.  I’m good.  I got a love letter last night.  I was at the Club.  I had a good time with my friends too.  I’m not going to respond.  Actually, I did already and some of it was really sarcastic.  I just didn’t send it.  I’m not impulsive.  I’m not going to send it either.  She and her best friend have a “pet theory” about me.  Just goes to show that when she fills in the gaps and is the expert on me that she doesn’t know anything.  Here is something that I wrote in the e-mail that I didn’t send.  I like it.

“You seem to have me all figured out.  It’s not a charitable view of me either.  I don’t approach you like this, and I’m looking for a woman who takes me for what I am.

All your love?  WTF does that mean?  If this is how you talk about your loved ones, then I really don’t get it.  I just don’t.  I’m not sure what our future holds.”

I guess that I’m in the Anger stage of grief right now.  It’s because she can be cruel.  Tori Amos says, “Don’t give me respect.  Don’t give me a piece of your preciousness.”  And it’s not.  Her terms of endearment are for everyone and she says, “I love you,” to people that she freely talks shit about.  It’s like my local BFF told me once, “Don’t ever assume that people are any different with you as they are with others you see them with.”  Got it.

4 thoughts on “Day 1

  1. effimai says:

    The anger stage can be the worst just because you end up lashing out and saying things to them that youll regret later. AMAZING THAT YOU DIDNT SEND THEM 🙂 Im def not that strong 🙂 Good post, E x

    • TomBoy says:

      I read it to her this morning. Didn’t want it to be indelible. Yes, after 5-years of dating, patience and strength on my own has gotten easier. Thanks for reading and commenting.

  2. lanie belluz says:

    I can’t tell you how many nasty emails I wrote to my ex and didn’t send. I always do the ultimate freeze and completely stop communicating.

    • TomBoy says:

      I don’t think that I can never talk to her again–with my most recent ex, I don’t. But, with us both being Moms and our kids knowing each other, I don’t think that it will be possible. But, I hear you.

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