To really connect is to be vulnerable and say it. This concept does not mean that you tear somebody down, criticize, or make comments that are really designed either to 1) hurt, or 2) offer no way to have conversation. I realize that I was caught up in a really good sales pitch for awhile, and it had nothing to do with actually knowing me. Because I really wanted to work on it and push through, and because the intimacy was so hot, and well, intimate, I let myself be a doormat. It was a wonderful experience, because it has brought me to where I am, and that is not dating again.
I could have slept with Scrubs. I think that she likes flings. I don’t, because they don’t personally work for me, and I’m seeking connection. I could have been flirtatious with either one of one the girls who I met through the girl from the interior design store. Having mentioned that, it’s also accurate that I could have picked up on her advances and could have said, “I’ll wait until you breakup with your partner.” No thanks. I suppose that many would have gotten a charge that she is 13.5-years younger than I am. That was some good non-dating information though, because it likely means that younger girls are into me. If she was a totally different type of girl, meaning that she was mature, and stable, I would consider that after a long period of getting-to-know-you, because I probably don’t have any business carrying another kid, but I’d love one.
The girl from church, not Church Girl, but the one with the partner and kids has stopped flirting with me, I think. She explained that she has cheated in every relationship that she has been in and won’t again, but that sounds like an interesting way to put it. I told her that I had never cheated and that I would not start now. One it isn’t something that wouldn’t haunt me, and two you’d break hearts. I’m not that girl.
My sermon moved people. I had people come up to me and cry in my arms. I have a viral FB Wall and status where I wrote thanks. I know that many will watch the YouTube recording too, and I decided to connect intimately with my church community when I spoke. It was from the heart and was completely honest. Although, it’s really easy for me to speak in public, and I do share personal experiences interacting with children and families, I have never told the story that I did from start to finish, and I know that no one ever heard it in that fashion because I have never even told my therapist. It was good for me to personally connect with my audience, which included my own cousin who knew my brother well, and it helped me on my path of growth.
I don’t believe in doing anything without passion. I now don’t believe in doing something in which you can’t really connect with another person. That is why empty sex is not going to work for me anymore. I don’t think that my process or opinion has any bearing on what other people should do, but I know where I am, and where I am going.