I have to admit how scared I am.  I need to talk to her about it. Tomorrow may not be the best time, but maybe my son would play Wii or watch Netflix after church.  I will have to gamble with my heart…  Again.  I’ve done it twice.  I looked at her in 2005 and then touched her hand, and knew that I’d avoid her, but then we had to work together.  Here is what I wrote:

“Why did she fall into the chair next to mine in August of 2007?  Who knows…  Because our journey unfolds and we cannot effect or alter it.”

That ended so painfully.

I don’t even think that when I was in the throws of the aftermath mess of my ex that it remotely held a candle to that level of heartbreak that I felt in 2008.  I fell in love again four-years later after my fall of 2007.  That sitch was probably built on bullshit though, as I’m learning, but regardless I did love her very deeply.

Now, I’m at the door.  I very much want to throw it back.  I need to tell her that.  Can I tomorrow?

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