I went to my GF’s house last night. She landed on that this was a “soft breakup.” First she tried to say that we were breaking up.

Me: “When you processed everything this morning and throughout the course of the day you’ve landed on that your daughter needs your nervous system regulated. You’re not regulated right now because of my shitty energy and you can’t have that seeping onto you as it affects your daughter. Let’s be clear. You’re breaking up with me. I want to still date you. I’m starting to date Tesoro.”

That wasn’t the beginning though.

I walked in with a can of La Croix and asked if I could sit down and asked if she had stickers on her shirt.

She nodded.

Her daughter has been sick and decorated her.

Then we were silent and it was awful.

We’re both shrinks.

We can be silent for days.

Eventually I said, “I’ve apologized for everything that I can apologize for. You sent the TikTok to be supportive. You say my work is ‘fun’ and ‘exciting’ when I’m stuck there for 12-14 hours for no logical reason because I have a good job that pays all of my bills. You can say that I’ve been an afterthought and never taken for granted. I am not a great communicator. I am working on it. I don’t know how to bring up shifting feelings with you. It’s scary. I’ve always been the monogamous one in my poly relationships until now.”

“Do you believe that?”

Me: “Yes. And I think that words are so emotive at times particularly when they’re not delivered in person. With the afterthought versus being taken for granted mismatch of usage, it’s potayto potaughto. I have to be fit in because you don’t have time and I get short texts that I’d rather not get at all because you have little time and a lot of people rely on your for emotional support while you’re solo parenting. You told me how gladly you’ll take your limited free time back.”

“That isn’t exactly what I meant. That wasn’t my intention. Also, I need to apologize to you. Except with a supervisor after my Dad died, I have never directed profanity at anyone. I cussed at you and was yelling at you.”

Me: “You don’t have to apologize for that.”

“I feel like I do.”

Me: “I accept your apology and wasn’t offended by it and thought that your yelling and cussing made a lot of sense.”

“I feel ashamed that happened around my daughter. I am supposed to model being in control and resolving things.”

Me: “We are people and parents. You have shown her that sometimes losing one’s temper happens, and that we can do better. People talk through things after they’re angry. You modeled that her tantrums are also ‘normal.’ That helps kids ultimately to show them how human we really are.”

She was angry that I didn’t text goodnight or good morning. I said that I was upset and worried that she was going to breakup with me. Later I said that she could’ve texted either thing too. I didn’t want my messages to her to go on unread as it makes me feel like shit. I told her that I was worried that she would thumbs up my texts or not respond for hours. I don’t want to feel anxious.

I did, midway through, go down to my car to get her birthday present for my birthday to her (That’s a tradition that she does.), the game, the journal that I’ve been writing in daily for her and her daughter, my set of her keys, and the book that we were to use for weekly questions for each other every week during 2026. The only thing that was passive aggressive that she said is, “Play this game with Tesoro. I bought it for you.” It was shrink wrapped. I declined.

I stayed for two hours.

I told her that if her daughter doesn’t ask for me in a month that I will get her the splashpad and bike with the handle riding bar that is now affixed to the back. She wanted me to take those to her ex-husband. I’m a person and told her “No way.”

It was obvious as we talked that her daughter won’t ask for me. She loves me 1-1 and doesn’t like me dating her Mom because it divides her mother’s attention and makes her jealous so she asks me to leave. Having that acknowledged was a breath of fresh air and helped me sleep like a baby last night.

I have to talk to my son.

We’re supposed to go over there together when her daughter is sleeping to play a game (us three) together on the 25th. I want to do that. And then, just like with my ex-husband and ex-wife, I want to happily support the relationship that he wants to have with her going forward. Kids don’t break up with their parent’s significants. I think that we’ll meet her youngest brother when we play that game together, so it will be four adults. Her brother bought a plane ticket for his birthday which was Thursday. I didn’t know that he was a Virgo. She said that he’s her favorite person in the world. I told her that she simply likes mutable signs and their changeability. Her ex-husband and my former metamour is a Pisces and her best friend is a Gemini. We’ll see what my son’s preference is for the 25th.

Then she’s gone to Chicago. Then I’m gone for a long weekend three-days after she gets back with Tesoro.

She asked if our friendship can be monthly hangouts. I’m amendable. She’s so fun to talk to and has kind, sweet energy in person. We’ll see each other on October 20th. That leg of our conversation made her cry and again. She belabored the fact that I don’t know Tesoro and am dreaming about things that are not based off of reality.

Me: “What does that matter? I’m putting myself out there with dating as I have since May. We matched at the end of June, and I’ll finally meet her briefly on the 14th. It’s the ultimate ripping off of the Band-Aid. She calls my intensity real and raw. If she can tolerate it IRL, we’ll begin our journey together. And, I still hold that I wanted to stay in relationship with you and date you both.”

She calls this period a “soft breakup.” She wants me to basically get my energy together so we can resume what we had. Her ball, her court.