Tag Archives: Soul

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Delays

I have to put Tesoro in a new zone mentally. I am unsure if she has any intention of ever leaving Turkey.

I talked with her on the phone on the 15th and after we’d talked a bit I sighed and was whiny finally saying, “When are you coming home?”

She said, “In a few days.”

We DM’ed more towards the end of this week and I wrote, “When are you flying back?”

She wrote, “Soon, Baby.”

This week we didn’t video and I missed her voice call yesterday. She told me that production is done on equipment and she can’t get money transferred to Turkey.

I told her that if I was in her shoes I would get one of those 18-months interest free credit cards.

I’m a public servant mostly; although, I do some assessments which do pay into the social security system, and I really don’t know shit about energy, powerplants, oil / gas, private contracts, etc.

I know that I don’t have interest in:

  1. Blending finances
  2. Living rather than travelling with a romantic partner
  3. Giving my heart to someone who I’ve never touched

Soooooo… I’m not investing time in DMs to her unless she comes home and schedules IRL with me. I wrote to her that when / if she comes home, I want to have a date with her and begin seeing what we have.

I’m basically at my core a Physical Touch and Quality Time person.

I know, because it happened to me with my ex-wife, that it is possible to fall in love with a picture of someone.

I’m not in love with anyone atm.

For me, love that is full involves mind, body, and soul.

The touch and skin-to-skin contact is so important to me. I believe that we are hardwired for love and attachment.

Although, I’m a creature of words, I am still quite in love with sharing physical space.

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Getting here

We actually wound up talking every night following her leaving on Monday morning.  I haven’t done that before.  Ever.  With my ex, she would have truncated conversations with me while she drove home and most of the time shoot me a goodnight text, but if her day was particularly bad, she would say mean stuff to me or make accusations.  In other words, it was fine to NOT have  a goodnight call.

My girlfriend and I don’t run out of things to talk about, and we were like that when we were friends.  I reminded her that we have always been like that.   She would call to make some plans to see me, and we’d wind up talking for 45-minutes; although, she only had 15, and she would help me with things, and of course, as it is now, we’d laugh and laugh.

I’m leaning toward feeling like this path was the right timing, because we both learned some things that were non-negotiable from our last relationships.  We both want connection and passion.  We both want to be treated very well and cared for by the other.  The thing is that now that we both have it, we are given to long amounts of pause.  She wonders if she deserves it, and I wonder if I’ll do something stupid and she will just break up with me.  That’s what had happened with my ex, and that is what happened with the woman who I just dated.  I want us to talk.  I want to make compromises.

From what I can tell, the women with whom she has lived with have just kind of faded.  I think that this a common dynamic for the woman who is the nurturer.  I’m sure that it can happen in straight relationships too.  The thing is that I have this incredible amount of passion for her, I would not fade away from that, because I want to make love to her all of the time.  I get how that will shift a little when we live together, but I have wanted a deep connection like this one for so long.  I have also wanted to fall deeply in love.  I’m here now.