So, when I work with kids and also do some work with adults I sometimes have to ask them, “Where are you right now and what are you experiencing?” That kind of in-the-moment focus helps one not drudge up the past and also aids the ability of a person to be fully present and focused on moving forward. She came over late last night and we just enjoyed each other fully, and I also made a full breakfast this morning for both of us and my son. One of the highlights was when my son’s dog busted into the bedroom and lain her body on her. I told her, “That one is mine, and you’ll have to find your own.” She loves her and it is obviously reciprocal. We wound up being all of us piled in the bed and she held my son too. It was a sweet morning.
Last night she told me that she wanted to get naked and I said, “Well, that sounds great to me,” and she quickly followed it up my affirmation by saying, “Well, not a naked cuddle. My intention is to fuck, so I just want to be clear.” I actually really like how direct she is, and still hold that hers and my sex life is incredible and would be impossible to parallel. We had quite a lot of sex and then drifted off to music via my iPod in a docking station. It was nice. We would have had some more lovemaking this morning, but we got in pj’s because my son was awake and all cuddled together eventually. I can still smell her perfume in my room and will be missing her tonight while she is in the mountains with her mother and son and some of her “adopted” family.
I told her that I just want to hang out with her. She told me that she just has to be sure. I told her that there is no “for sure” things, but that I’m not about to bottom line our situation or think that she should trust me within 6-months. She said that if I gave her an ultimatum, she would bounce. I didn’t remind her that I told her that I didn’t want to continue after we had tried to reconnect in July and she presented like a corpse, and that it was she who continued to contact me constantly. I honestly thought because I had hooked up with a girl a few times, and also had two different dates with two different girls that we would never speak again. Then she got it, and that was if we truly were operating with immediacy, we need to just enjoy and not be so damn guarded. Saying, “my intention is to fuck” is a great start. We need to stay here… Laughing, talking, enjoying each other and our intimacy as best as we are able given very busy and separate lives.
I still love her and told her all last night and this morning. We do love each other. We do have incredible amounts of passion and wonderful intimacy in convo and also the sexual realm. I know that we are in love, and hope that we have the ability for a commitment. She told me that I treat her better, am not selfish, and say things that are sweeter and sound different than they did before. She is still grieving her loss, working on finalizing all aspects of her “divorce” from her partner who she has not been with in 7-years, and just wants me, to be me. I can do that. It’s the only way I know.